Mothers’ Day Forum @ AWARE: Unconditional Love
Written by: Pamela Cheong 

The first Sunday of May marks Mothers’ Day, an occasion that sees numerous Hallmark cards and bouquets being purchased, and restaurants coming up with tantalizing brunch spreads for families. This year, AWARE celebrated Mothers’ Day in an unconventional fashion. In the spirit of the “This Is Me” campaign that affirms diversity and acceptance of all individuals, AWARE held a Mothers’ Day Forum titled "Unconditional Love", which aired perspectives from mothers of gay children, a gay daughter, a gay-friendly mother of two as well as a gay mother who struggled to come to terms with herself. The speakers spoke honestly about their experiences and regaled a packed room with stories that were funny, heart wrenching and touching all at the same time. 

The panel comprised of Hoon Eng, Mdm Yiap and her daughter Eileena, Susan and Suzanne. Mdm Yiap and Eileena spoke of the initial turbulent period that was painful and fraught with tension. It was indeed affirming to hear Mdm Yiap’s own testimony of how she eventually arrived at a place of acceptance, which also resulted in the strengthening of the mother-daughter relationship. Mdm Yiap’s staunch conviction was that it is common for parents to grapple with their child’s homosexuality, followed by a long period of transition leading to acceptance. Her story was positive and reassuring, demonstrating the power of a mother’s love that resisted following the negative societal stigmatization of gay people, giving many of us in the audience a glimmer of hope.

One point that the forum highlighted was how different every individual’s story is, but underpinning the differences are similar issues.  Most children often struggle in various degrees, on how to cope with the aftermath of coming out. Apart from coming to terms with the child, It is also common for the parent to worry about them facing discrimination in society. Hoon Eng’s story was one of personal transformation where she shared how she was initially a ‘closeted’ mom who, like her son, had to guard the secret from her then-husband and the extended family. After a few years, she decided to join her son and actively support his social activist efforts, accompanying him when he went to on his American university’s GLBT outreach programs. She spoke of her love for both her sons, and also expressed pride over how both are socially conscious individuals who want to make a difference to society.

While stories about gay children coming out to parents seem to be more common, we also heard from Suzanne, a gay mother who had to think of not just what to say to her own parents, but to her own children. She saw the need to talk to her young children growing up in school where the word ‘gay’ had a derogatory implication. Relating heart-warming anecdotes of her interactions with her son, we realized how children could grow up without judging, and loving regardless of labels. Lastly, Susan who runs the Free Community Church, the only gay-affirmative Church in Singapore, spoke about the need to uphold the values of non-discrimination and not to perpetuate bigotry. All the speakers stressed the importance of families to be a source of support and love, promoting greater understanding and communication between parties.

The forum was undoubtedly a success, eliciting responses from the audience who were also eager to share their personal stories, or their own experiences with gay family members. The recurring issues that came up were dealing with parental expectations and good intentions, the emotions that accompanied the complex issue of coming out, and families having to combat negative stereotypes. Some stories were optimistic, while others spoke of the great difficulty in battling their parents’ deeply entrenched beliefs. While each of us took something different away from the forum, the underlying message seemed to be that it was homophobia and the lack of acceptance that was responsible for the break up of families. It was a memorable Mothers’ Day for many of us, one that celebrated the voices of mothers who love against all odds.