I refer to Wong Kim Hoh’s article “Chagrin and Bare It” in the Sunday Times 21 May 2006.

It was a pity that the writer’s friends felt unable to assertively tell the group of women to back off without feeling like they were being “unsporting, ungentlemanly and unseemly”.  In such situations, the best thing to do would be to say No emphatically, using one’s voice and body language to deliver a consistent message, and to move away from the group.  In cases where one’s integrity and dignity have been attacked, it is more important to protect oneself than to worry about what other people think.

By and large, society expects men to be macho, to enjoy attention of a sexual nature from women, and to be at all times gentlemanly and sporting.  By contrast, society mandates that a “good woman” be ladylike, which includes a denial of her sexuality.  But there is also a contradictory belief that women enjoy sexual attention and their “No’ is seldom taken seriously.

These stereotypes do not help men or women.  In fact they do us both more harm – limiting us as we feel pressured into behaving in a certain way. 

AWARE launched a male chapter last year. This group of men meet to organise the White Ribbon Campaign and to dialogue on ways to transcend gender stereotypes.  AWARE also conducts workshops on self-esteem and assertiveness, living without gender stereotypes and sexuality education.

It is time we broke out of our virtual boxes and lived to be the whole persons that we are.
 

Tan Joo Hymn                      Tan Wah Kiat
                            
President                            Member – AWARE Male Chapter &
AWARE                               Chairperson - WRC