AWA President-Caitlin Fry & Kerry Wilcock

The American Women’s Association of Singapore (AWA) has chosen Kerry Wilcock, AWARE’s Direct Services manager, as its 2010 International Woman of the Year.

The AWA created the award to recognise and honour international women who have made a positive difference to the lives of people living in Singapore. The award this year, AWA said, went to a woman who is “a role model in her effort to make a difference” and exemplifies this year’s International Women’s Day theme of Equal right, equal opportunities: Progress for all.

Kerry, 40, has worked in the social services sector for 20 years, including six years in Singapore. She joined the AWARE Secretariat as Direct Services manager two years ago.

AWARE President Dana Lam said: “We are delighted and very proud of the honour bestowed on Kerry Wilcock by the American Women’s Association. In the two years that she has been on staff, Kerry has added substantively to our core services. She has also been an inspiration and a source of strength as a leader and a trainer to her peers and to the organisation.”

Kerry Wilcock with Philippine Ambassador Minda Cruz

AWARE’s Direct Services reach out to more than 3,000 women in Singapore every year.

Apart from her work at AWARE, Kerry was also active in 2009 in these community groups – The Society Against Family Violence, Raffles Community Leaders Forum, Befrienders Training for NTUC female union leaders, South West CDC Community Leaders Network, Family Violence Network Outreach for West Division, ASEAN Human Rights Workshop and Guest Mentor at the Singapore chapter of Women @Intel Network.

The award was presented to Kerry at a reception on 5^th March attended by members of the diplomatic corps and guests from the local and expatriate communities. Read an abridged version of the speech she made.

In 1910 at an international conference for working women in Copenhagen, a woman named Clara Zetkin tabled the idea of an International Women’s Day.  She proposed that every year in every country there should be a celebration on the same day to press for their demands for equality.

The following year, International Women’s Day (IWD) was celebrated for the first time in Austria,  Denmark, Germany and Switzerland.  More than one million women and men attended IWD rallies campaigning for women’s right to work, vote, be trained, to hold public office and end discrimination.

In Singapore today, 100 years later, we continue to celebrate IWD.  And we continue to be surrounded by issues of violence against women, unfair work dismissal due to pregnancy, and foreign brides with limited rights and access to support.

Women still face many challenges.  Our work at AWARE includes providing support to women as they deal with these problems.  One example is our court assistance programme.

A couple of years ago, a woman approached AWARE for help.  Her husband had been abusing her physically, verbally putting her down and threatening to kill her.  He limited her access to her children and controlled all her finances.

We explored the idea of getting a Personal Protection Order (PPO).  She was initially reluctant as she didn’t want to upset her husband.  Some time later she contacted us again and said her husband was getting more controlling and she wanted to apply for a PPO.

We arranged for our volunteers in the Court Assistance Programme to be present at every one of her hearings at the Family court.  The husband had counter applied for a PPO despite there being no history of violence from her.  The court case dragged out for almost 6 months and she finally got her PPO while her husband’s application was not granted.

After it was over, she thanked us and said, “If it wasn’t for the ongoing support of all your volunteers over the past 6 months, I would have given up”.

We learnt two things from this case.  Firstly, support is crucial for someone who has experienced abuse and has decided to make a stand to end the abuse.  Secondly, the support of ordinary women, with no special education in the social services industry but with a willingness to learn some basic skills and to be available, can make a real difference.

I have been working in the social services industry for 20 years, six of them in Singapore.  Most of my work has been with survivors of domestic violence – not just women but also children and men.  It has been my privilege to hear their stories, share their pain and walk alongside them as they find the courage to step out of abuse.

Kerry is AWARE’s Direct Services Manager.  On 5th March 2010 she was named International Woman of the Year by the American Women’s Association of Singapore.  This is an abridged version of the speech she made at the award ceremony.

Note: We are planning to expand our Court Assistance Programme and need volunteers who can provide support for our clients when they go for court hearings.  Please email helpline@aware.org.sg if you would like to find out more about the programme.

It was, for a very long time, a truth universally acknowledged that women needed a marriage to ensure respectable status and financial security.  Nowadays the trend is shifting: it is men who are increasingly getting the bigger economic boost from tying the knot, according to a new analysis of America’s census data.

So Singapore men, please note: times are changing, however slowly, for the better, and the winners are  marriage and relationships.  Take note as well that men who are married are happier and healthier.

A young male friend and I were talking about love, marriage and sex in Singapore and he was bemoaning the fact that few people he knew were making long-term commitments.  There is a lot of sex going on, he said, but “nobody wants to make a commitment to love and marriage”.  In Singapore, he said, one-night stands are very common.  Love and marriage need hard work.  As many people have discovered, and as I did in my marriage, there is a huge learning curve.

For many, this is all too complicated.  And thus the one-night stands, and the large numbers of young and single women and men.

John Bowe, an American who describes himself as a ‘perpetual bachelor’, was so tormented by his inability to make his relationships work that he set out on a two-year quest to find out why.  He did this by researching other people’s romantic experiences.

The result is Us: Americans Talk About Love, a collection of first-person accounts of why love succeeds or fails.  No aspect of lust, greed, need or devotion is ignored.  The book includes: ” Tales of obsession and confusion (from a 17-year-old girl in San Antonio, Texas, who can’t get over an ex-boyfriend; and a drug-addled 30-year-old living with his mother in Arizona while following his ex on Facebook) ” Finding bliss (as a 44-year-old lesbian eventually did in Minneapolis, after more than a decade of marriage to a born-again Christian) and acceptance (from a 76-year-old widower in Manhattan who says he dated more than 300 women after his wife died without ever finding anyone to take her place).

The Los Angeles Times Magazine called the book a “profound, touching work”, but added that it also functions as a kind of self-help manual, forcing readers to examine their own longings, failings and assumptions about love.

A recent report by the Pew Research Center said that in nearly a third of marriages, the wife is better educated than her husband.  And though men, over all, still earn more than women, wives are now the primary breadwinner in 22 percent of couples, up from 7 percent in 1970.

The study found that this shift has had a surprising effect on marital stability.  Over all, the evidence shows that the shifts within marriages – men taking on more housework and women earning more outside the home – have had a positive effect, contributing to lower divorce rates and happier unions.

“Women no longer need to marry up educationally or economically, so they are more likely to pick men who support a more egalitarian relationship,” said Stephanie Coontz, director of research and education for the Council on Contemporary Families and author of “Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage.”

These changing roles in marriage aren’t usually planned but come about because of financial circumstances.  Another surprising trend is that as women become more independent and educated, the more likely they are to stay married.  In states where fewer wives have paid jobs, divorce rates tend to be higher, according to a 2009 report from the Center for American Progress.

Sociologists and economists say that financially independent women can be more selective in marrying, and they also have more negotiating power within the marriage.  But it’s not just women who win.  The net result tends to be a marriage that is more fair and equitable to husbands and wives.

Everybody wins – men and women and the society.  Our policymakers, especially those making decisions about policies relating to marriage and fertility rate, should take note of the changing dynamics in marital relationships.

The writer is a former president of AWARE.

It is with great pleasure that I announce the appointment of Corinna Lim as the Executive Director (ED) of AWARE.

Corinna, who assumes office today, will be a familiar figure to many of you. She has been a member of AWARE for 18 years and has served on two Executive Committees, and as chair of several subcommittees, including fund-raising. She has also led in research projects for AWARE. Her contribution to the women’s cause have included being principal drafter of the Domestic Violence Bill tabled by former AWARE President Dr Kanwaljit Soin when she was a Nominated Member of Parliament. In the past months, Corinna has, as Chair of the AWARE Training Institute, initiated and seen to the development of new projects including the Workplace Sexual Harassment workshop for Human Resource personnels.

Corinna brings to AWARE substantial managerial, strategic-planning  and entrepreneurial skills over and above her legal training. Last year she was a key player in the effort to reclaim control of AWARE at the May 2 EGM.  A summary of her career and NGO experience is attached.

We are very fortunate to have Corinna’s professional contribution, passion and commitment.

Corinna’s appointment comes after several months of search and deliberation by the Exco. It is a decisive step forward in the process that was begun several years ago to professionalise AWARE’s operations and ensure continuity of our programmes.

This November marks the 25th anniversary of AWARE. Much has been achieved in these 25 years, and we look forward to achieving much more in the next 25 years. But if we are to do so effectively we need to ensure a greater continuity and consistency of our efforts. We need to have in place a strong professional team that can harness the energy, expertise and passion of volunteers – and one of Corinna’s many immediate tasks will be to develop and implement a Volunteer Management System to do precisely this.

Another step we have taken on the path towards professionalisation is the amendment of the AWARE Constitution to provide for governance by a 7-member Board instead of a 12-member Executive Committee.  With an ED in place to manage AWARE’s day-to-day operations, the Board will focus on broad policy-making and governance. A more robust Board selection process will be in place for the next AGM.

Meanwhile, our activities are picking up the pace again after the Chinese New Year festivities. This Friday, March 5, we have a story-telling session led by Hon Treasurer and former AWARE president Tan Joo Hymn and veteran stage actor and voice coach Verena Tay. To mark International Women’s Day on March 8 they will relate a range of stories about inspiring women through the ages. Why not drop in at the AWARE Centre at 8pm and listen to these stories?

Have a Happy International Women’s Day.

Dana Lam

Mention ‘sexual harassment’ to people and most will think of sleazy male bosses making passes at female employees and implying that their careers will suffer if they do not sleep with them.

Yes, that is sexual harassment. And so is the risqué joke told loudly in the presence of someone who is clearly made uncomfortable by this. And obscene or suggestive gestures, lewd remarks, ogling, and catcalls.

Sexual harassment can occur anywhere – in the home, office, or on the street. Often it is men who sexually harass women, but it can happen the other way around. Sexual harassment is essentially an affront to a person’s dignity, a show of disrespect.

AWARE conducted a Workplace Sexual Harassment study in 2008 and discovered that 54% of the respondents had experienced it in some form. The incidents took place not just at the workplace but also at work-related activities such as business lunches, client entertainment or team-building events.

Workplace sexual harassment constitutes any persistent, repeated and unwanted conduct of a sexual nature or demeanour that affects the dignity of men and women at work.  This includes unwelcome physical, verbal or non-verbal behaviours that directly or indirectly insinuate sex.

Sexual harassment at the workplace is a bullying tactic and an abuse of authority.  The perpetrator may not be a colleague at work; it could be a client, supplier, or any other person one comes into contact with in the course of work.

Two of the most common types of workplace sexual harassment are ‘quid pro quo’ and ‘hostile sexual environment’.  The former refers to sexual blackmail, where the abuser demands sexual favours and forces the recipient to choose between acceding to lewd requests or risk losing job benefits such as a salary increase, a promotion or even the job itself.

The hostile sexual environment is created by employees and employers who do not take any measures to prohibit or curb the conduct of the sexual harasser. Their inaction creates, for those at the receiving end of this conduct, an intimidating, unsafe and unproductive working environment.

NOTE: AWARE is conducting workshops, called Self-defence against Corporate Bullies, to discuss workplace sexual harassment and how you can deal with it. Contact publiceducation@aware.org.sg for more information.

Do you struggle with making decisions? Are you dissatisfied with your self-image, your life, and your achievements?  What is self-esteem? And why are we offering it?

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. The way we think and feel about ourselves affects every aspect of our life.  From the way we operate at work, to our love and sex life, to how we act as a parent, to how we treat our colleagues, friends and family.  Our self-image determines how far we are likely to reach in our life journey.

At AWARE, we believe in empowering women to achieve their goals and to realise their dreams.  We wish for women to lead life with satisfaction and fulfilment.  And self-esteem plays a huge role in gratifying these goals because of its changeable nature.

When you feel good about yourself (high self-esteem), you are motivated and likely to succeed.  However, when your esteem is low, you are more critical and sceptical of yourself and your achievements.

Why you should ATTEND?

This workshop aims to introduce you to the concepts of self-esteem and a sample of skills to boost your self-esteem.  You will learn to

-Generate Positive Self Talk

-Invoke Gratitude

-Employ Motivation

-Promote Positivity in Life

About the TRAINER

Maria Kassova is the founder and Managing Director of RoseSky Pte Ltd.  In 2009, she conducted workshops on building self-esteem at Aidha (www.aidha.org), a non-profit organisation for domestic workers dedicated to ‘enriching lives through financial education’.  Following her experience there, Maria decided to use her energy and skills to help others nurture their self-esteem and live empowered and fulfilled lives.

A certified Business Coach by the Institute of Business Coaches, UK and a master practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Maria also holds an MBA and a BA in International Economic Relations.   The daughter of a Bulgaria diplomat, she has over 10 years of experience working for MNCs like BBC Worldwide and Discovery Communications International.

Date: 27 Mar 2010

Venue: Spa Boutique,Nassim Road

Time: 9am – 1pm

Member $30; Bring a friend $40 for 2;Non-member $50

Date & Time: Sat 27/3, 2 to 4 pm
- Sat 3/4, 2 to 4 pm
- Sat 10/4, 2 to 4 pm
- Sat 17/4, 2 to 4 pm
Venue: Newton.

Please email  verenatay@gmail.com.

Please visit http://verenatay.com, http://verenatay.wordpress.com/ and http://www.moonshadowstories.org

Today, a number of factors such as increased longevity, climbing divorce rates, low birth rates and a possible widowhood make dependency on husbands and children very vulnerable. While women have made great progress in the working world, very often, even the smartest neglect their own finances. More than ever, it is imperative that women take responsibility for their family’s and their own financial affairs.

To celebrate International Women’s Day, ipac is pleased to present its signature A Man Is Not A Financial Plan seminar.

In this lively and engaging session, we will look at:

~         different issues that women face at different life stages
~         socio-economic issues that are obstacles to female financial independence
~         Six Steps to financial freedom
~         how women’s investing behaviour is a double-edged sword and how to create a frame
work for sensible (and successful) investing

A step-by-step process on how to achieve financial freedom. No jargon and no hot air.

Date:25 Mar 2010

Time: 630pm

Venue:ipac boardroom May Bank Tower #27-00

Contact- Helena Paul at 65117364

There are many people who in one breath will say that they believe in gender equality but do not consider themselves feminists. Why the paradox? The definition seems very straightforward.

feminism – n. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

The truth is that the word comes with a lot of baggage and misconceptions. These fears are so deeply held that many supporters of equality do not want to be associated with the word or the movement. Worse still, for those who do not believe in equality, the myths help instill hatred and fear for the women and men who openly promote the ideals of feminism.

To attack a person based on a misrepresentation of their position is a tactic known commonly as a “straw man argument.” This means creating an easy to destroy caricature of a person by which to discredit them. This tactic is so effective that many women will deny their own support for equality for fear of being associated with the negative stereotypes.

To dispel the myths, we first have to identify them. Let’s take a look…

Myth: Feminism is about fighting men, hating men, and eliminating men.
Fact: Feminism is about challenging systemic inequalities and does not portray men as the enemy.

Myth: “Feminist” is the female equivalent of “chauvinist”.
Fact: Feminism does not support sexism against either gender. Feminism works towards equality, not female superiority.

Myth: Feminism is “un-Asian”.
Fact: Feminism works towards a society based on justice and equality… the very same ideology put forth in Singapore’s national pledge.

Myth: Feminists are opposed to marriage and motherhood.
Fact: Feminists actively fight for the rights of mothers and many feminists are married and are mothers. Feminists recognize that happy families are important and believe that families are strengthened when the wellbeing of all members, male and female, are supported.

Myth: Only women can be feminists.
Fact: Any person who believes in gender equality is a feminist. Many men are feminists and proud to be so.

Myth: To be a real feminist, a woman cannot be feminine or demure.
Fact: Feminism is found in the substance of a person’s opinions and not her form. A woman’s love of nice dresses or high-heeled shoes does not make her less of a feminist.

Myth: If I am a sexually liberal woman, I am a feminist.
Fact: Feminists respect individual, informed choices and believe there should be no double standard in judging a person’s behaviour. Every woman has the right to sexual autonomy including the ability to make decisions about when, how and with whom to conduct her sexual life. However, sexual autonomy alone does not make one a feminist. Neither does the exploitation of one’s own body for favours or advantage.

Myth: Feminists believe that women’s actions are above criticism and can always be excused because of the discrimination they have suffered. Therefore they never have to take responsibility for their behaviour.
Fact: Feminists understand that equal rights translate into equal responsibility. Anyone who seeks rights must be held to the responsibilities that come with these rights. Previous discrimination may explain negative behaviour but does not excuse it.

Myth: Feminism purports that all women are disadvantaged in our society and that all men are privileged by their gender.
Fact: Feminists understand that narrow gender ideals restrict both men and women and thus society as a whole. Feminism seeks to reduce and eliminate these constraining ideals.

Myth: The fact that there are some women who have a higher social and economic status than some men means inequality has been eliminated.
Fact: Systematic inequalities continue to exist at every level of society. There may be female heads of Fortune 500 companies but the fact that they constitute less than 5% of the total means that barriers remain.

Myth: There is no more need for feminism: women have the vote, they have jobs. The goals have been met.
Fact: These achievements are great milestones in the history of feminism, however our aim is nothing less than equal treatment and opportunity for both genders. There are still many inequalities in society’s perception of the roles of men and women. We want to build a world in which no person, because of their gender, must curtail their hopes and dreams.

This is just a starter list. You will no doubt find many more. Do feel free to post others in the comments.

Before signing off, let us add a word of warning!

Any Googler worth his or her salt will be able to find quotes from radical feminists to support some of the above fallacies. While there are certainly individuals who have made strong anti-male comments in the past, these views are not representative of mainstream feminism. As always, a group should not be judged by its most radical elements nor by comments taken out of context.

This list was compiled in preparation for AWARE’s Introduction to Feminism series.

Still not convinced? Find out more: sign up to join one of the discussions.

• Transient Workers Count Too (TWC2) is a non-governmental organization which advocates for the right of migrant workers to fair and dignified treatment.
• We run the following services:

1. An office with 3 staff members
2. A toll-free helpline service for migrant workers offering counseling and a friendly listening ear to their enquiries and problems.
3. A twice daily free meals programme from Monday to Friday for destitute foreign workers.
4. Intervention when our clients get caught in desperate situations – abused or exploited during the course of their employment.

Job responsibilities

-          Oversees day-to-day running of the organization; in that capacity briefs the TWC2 Executive Committee (Exco) regularly and seeks advice/instruction when necessary;

-          Supervises the staff comprising an office manager, a social worker handling the helpline and case work, and an outreach manager;

-          Handles media and public relations

-          Identifies opportunities for research and advocacy and helps Exco with the implementation

-          Helps Exco with fundraising

-          Provides direction for a more structured volunteer management programme

-          Be proactive in helping Exco to identify problems and trends in the running of the organization

Job Requirements

-          Singapore Citizen or PR or Dependent Pass Holder with right to work

-          Degree holder.

-          Minimum four years experience in a relevant field, .e.g., managerial position, social work, voluntary work, advocacy, etc.

-          Interest in social issues. Familiarity with foreign workers issues would be a plus.

-          Excellent written and spoken English

-          Ability to speak one other language such as Malay, Bahasa Indonesia, Bengali, Mandarin, Tagalog or Tamil is a must

-          Willingness to work flexible hours to respond to emergencies

We offer a competitive salary that will be commensurate with experience, plus health insurance cover, CPF and annual leave. Only shortlisted candidates will be notified.

Please send a brief resume to centre@twc2.org.sg by 30th April 2010 listing highest education, relevant work experience/training and why you would like this job. State clearly in the subject line “Application for post of Executive Director”. Detailed application forms will be sent to those shortlisted.

To know more about TWC2, please visit our website at www.twc2.org.sg or contact John Devasahayam, our Centre Manager on 6247-7001.