To not condone violence against women includes not being quiet in the face of a culture which makes jokes about rape, date rape, drunken rampages and dominating through fear and intimidation. It means not remaining silent when other men brag of their abuses. It means stepping in to help the women in their lives who need their support. It means stepping up and being an every day hero just by saying, “That’s not funny. That is NOT cool.”

Men have a huge impact on the behaviour of other men through being role models, through peer pressure and through stating clearly what is and what is not well regarded behaviour. Men get cues about acceptable behaviour from other men – from how they behave, what they assert… even what jokes they make. Men ultimately define masculinity for other men – they choose whether to play the a role of protector or supporter. They can also choose to never play the role of abuser.

Visit The Because I Love Her Facebook page for more information.

The Facts:

One in 10 women in Singapore has been a victim of violence (International Violence Against Women Survey, 2010). Read that figure again. Think of ten Singaporean women you know. The figures say it’s very likely that at least one of them has experienced violence in some way.

8 per day. That’s how many Personal Protection Order applications are made by women seeking legal protection from abuse or physical threats. And for every protection order taken out, there are scores more victims who suffer in silence.

Although the majority of those committing violence against women are men, we know that most men are opposed to such abuse. The voices and protests of this non-violent majority of men need to be heard.

Take the pledge now, get it on camera and send it in to the Because I Love Her fanpage at http://on.fb.me/becauseiloveher. At the end of the video, tell viewers to visit the Facebook page, to encourage everyone to make the pledge.

The Because I Love Her Project is AWARE’s contribution to the White Ribbon Campaign – a worldwide campaign by men working to end violence against women. Founded in Canada in 1991, it has since spread to over 50 countries around the world. The Because I Love Her Project was launched on November 25th, the International Day to Eliminate Violence Against Women.

The Because I Love Her Project has been extended due to popular demand, entries will now be accepted until 14th February 2011.

Executive Director Corinna Lim’s statement calling all men to be a part of the solution to violence against women .

Instructions on how to post your video.

Utkarsh’s video saw him calling his mother, Arati, the “best mum in the whole wide world”. The submission was a part of The Because I Love Her Project, an online campaign where men, accompanied by their favourite female (wife, mother, sister, daughter, girlfriend, cousin, etc) make a video pledge to never remain silent about violence against women.

The video received 75 Likes, garnering him the top spot and the prize of a $250 shopping voucher.

The AWARE team commends Utkarsh, a 7th grade United World College student, for standing up and speaking out to eradicate violence against women! Perhaps he’ll use it to buy something nice for the best mum in the whole wide world.

One more prize still remains – the elusive Judge’s Selection. Videos for The Because I Love Her Project will be accepted until February 14th. To make your video pledge visit the Because I Love Her Facebook page.

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Chosen because they are upstanding members of the community, and role models for all manner of men, the three individuals are spokesmen for The Because I Love Her Project.

The Because I Love Her Project is an online video campaign where men submit a video of themselves and their favourite female to Facebook. In the video they stand up and speak out about violence against women, saying: “Because I love her, I pledge to never condone violence against women.” Violence against women includes rape, sex trafficking, domestic abuse, emotional abuse and sexual harassment.

AWARE is grateful to all three men for their commitment to end all forms of violence against women, to give a voice to the non-violent majority of men, and for coming forward to champion the campaign.

In an official statement, US Ambassador David I Adelman (above, right) said: “The US embassy here in Singapore is honoured to work with AWARE… violence against women knows no socio-economic boundaries it affects girls and women in every country across the world regardless of religion or race. Economic empowerment is a critical part of combatting violence against women. That’s why today I’m participating in AWARE’s video pledge… and I urge you to do the same. Together we can stop violence against women.”

Rev. Dr Yap Kim Hao is Pastoral Advisor to The Free Community Church. He holds a Master of Divinity and Doctorate in Theology, serves on the Council of the Inter-Religious Organisation (IRO) in Singapore and is committed to the promotion of inter-faith dialogue and understanding. Rev Dr Yap told AWARE he is “very happy” to be a part of The Because I Love Her Project.

In addition to being a former Nominated Member of Parliament, Siew Kum Hong (right) is a practising lawyer and pro tem vice-president of MARUAH (Working Group for an ASEAN Human Rights Mechanism).In his video, which features AWARE bastions Corinna Lim, Poonam Mirchandani, Margaret Thomas, Dana Lam and Hafizah Osman, Kum Hong makes an empassioned pledge, saying: “Because I love my wife, because I love my mother, because I love my sister and because I love all these wonderful women, I pledge never to condone, commit or keep silent about violence against women.”

Watch the videos submitted by David I Adelman, Lim Kay Siu, Rev. Yap and Siew Kum Hong here.

Illustration by alterelfo

I’m writing this on a Saturday. Unless things have changed, several hundred Singapore men are likely to have been on the first boat to Batam this morning. Awaiting their arrival are girls who, in a better world, would be on a college campus somewhere instead of in the stale confines of a karaoke lounge with the zippers of their jeans permanently down.

Here in Singapore another group of girls is waiting: girls prized for their innocence, their young faces getting tense as the expiry date of their two-week social visit pass approaches and there are no takers still. They are here on a gamble, hoping for the chance of a better life as wives of Singaporean men. It is difficult to know what to wish for them: that they have to return to their home country with no husband in tow, or to be married off to men whose offer of a ‘better’ life could mean unalleviated servitude, violence and abandonment. (See Below.)

Yet other women have scraped together money to pay the handlers’ fee and passage here on the promise of work placements in our many swanky shops and restaurants or in the entertainment circuit only to find themselves entrapped in squalor and vice. 

The story is old as the hills. Whether innocent bride or hard-nosed vamp, the road taken is seen the world over, paved with countless trampled bodies and souls. What should concern us all is what it reveals of our patriarchal roots and their strangulating hold on our collective imagination and regard of women. After a century of the vote, after topping the men in education, after some of us have run huge businesses and led nations, women are still reducible to the position of chattel. Women allow it. Men do it.

A recent article in The New York Times, The Mismeasure of Woman, resonates. The measure of women’s advancement in the number of us making it to high political or management appointments is misleading because there has not been significant change in the fundamentally patriarchal attitude towards women. This attitude manifests in a spectrum of violence involving fathers, mothers, daughters, sons.

In just the last few weeks, we have read in the local media about two young victims of rape. In both cases, the perpetrator was the father. In one, the girl is given to believe that rape is a form of punishment for her misdeeds. In yet another case, 16 year-old Nur Azilah Ithnin was sentenced to four years imprisonment for doing the dirty work for loan sharks. Nur’s case history includes physical abuse by her father.

Mothers and grandmothers have been implicated in cases such as these. All too often mothers have stood by silently if not actually been involved in the violence on their daughters. The daughters may be retaliating. Social workers are reporting increases in elder abuse where the perpetrator is a woman. And, sadly, too many women continue to abuse the other woman in the house, the foreign domestic worker.

This month, in countries around the world, people are taking part in the White Ribbon Campaign. The campaign calls for men to pledge never to commit, condone or keep silent about violence against women. It is a pledge we should all make.

 
From the AWARE Store…

Beyond Happily Ever After: Making a Match between Singapore Grooms and Foreign Brides

The first part of the report examines existing practices of foreign bride matchmaking, including abuse of foreign women. Its aim is to advocate for an improvement in the governance of this industry through legislation and regulation so as to provide the women involved with complete access to measures necessary for prevention and protection.

Regular Price: SGD 15
Member Price: SGD 10

All items from the AWARE Store must be collected in person from the AWARE Centre. For more information call 6779-7137.

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