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Year: 2011

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Paternity leave should be made mandatory

Policies to support gender equality and improved parenting leave needed if Singapore hopes to reverse declining birth rate trend.

Singapore 9th February – AWARE called for comprehensive changes to parental leave in a press conference today, held at its Dover Crescent premises.

There are many reasons for Singapore’s low birth rate, but two important factors in trying to reverse the trend are better support for parenting responsibilities and policies that promote gender equality.

Studies have shown a direct correlation, in developed nations, between the level of gender equality in a society and its total fertility rate (TFR). When women have to bear the bulk of childcare responsibilities, they are less inclined to have children. Where there are policies that support gender equality and equally shared childcare duties between father and mother, more babies are born.

Singapore’s current parenting leave policies – four months for new mothers and none for new fathers – reinforce gender stereotypes of women as caregivers and men as providers.

These policies entrench gender inequality. These policies need to be changed if Singapore hopes to reverse the declining birth rate trend.

Specifically, AWARE calls for five policy changes:

● Make paid paternity leave of two weeks mandatory, with the cost shared between the employer and the state

● Convert the 4th month of maternity leave into ‘parental leave’ to be taken by either parent, with the state sharing the cost with the employer when the father takes this leave

● Offer a ‘parenting present’ of $4,000 to couples where the father takes the 4th month of parental leave

● Convert the currently mandated 6 days of paid childcare leave into dependent’s leave, with ‘dependents’ including older children and parents

● Extend to unwed parents the same parenting leave benefits enjoyed by married parents.

In making the call for these policy changes, and particularly for paid paternity leave to be mandated by law, AWARE finds support in the views expressed by 1,001 working parents in a recent survey commissioned by AWARE and conducted by students of Ngee Ann Polytechnic.

When asked whether they thought paternity leave should be made compulsory, 91% said yes. Of these, 93% explained that paternity leave would allow fathers to be more involved in parenting.

Half of the parents said their employers offered paid paternity leave, and of these the bulk – 59% – get between one and three days of such leave. Of the fathers who have a paternity leave option three quarters took the leave.

The AWARE-led survey was conducted by final-year Business Studies and Business Information Technology students who are specialising in marketing at Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s School of Business & Accountancy. Conducted between October 2010 and January 2011, the survey involved face-to-face interviews with 1,001 working mums and dads who have at least one child aged seven or below.

A significant number of the parents – 57% – said they would welcome having the option of transferring parenting leave from mother to father.

The joys of fatherhood

AWARE would like to see fathers given the opportunity to play a more active role in the care of their newborn babies, not just so that they will share the parenting load with their wives but also so that they will have more time for the joys of fatherhood and for developing a bond with their children.

This can be achieved by converting the 4th month of maternity leave into ‘parental leave’ that can be taken by either parent. To encourage fathers to take this leave and spend a month looking after their babies, AWARE suggests that a ‘parenting present’ of $4,000 be offered to couples where the father opts for this parental leave.

As employers might baulk at the idea of their male staff taking anything from two to six weeks of parental leave, AWARE suggests that the cost of this leave be shared between the employer and the state.

Dependent’s leave

Currently married parents with children under the age of seven are entitled to up to six days of paid childcare leave a year. AWARE would like to see this converted into six days of paid ‘dependent’s care’ leave applicable to any working Singaporean, with ‘dependents’ including older children and parents.

This, AWARE believes, would be a more equitable policy as it acknowledges the needs of working Singaporeans, whether married or single, who have to care for aged parents or dependent siblings. Furthermore, children above seven years old will still need the care of their parents.

Unwed parents

AWARE would like to see all parenting leave benefits available to married parents extended to unwed parents. Often it is these parents, and their children, who need the most support. Many are in their situation not by choice. Denying them parenting leave benefits is tantamount to punishing them, and their children, for being single parents.

AWARE’s position on this matter was shared by the parents surveyed – an overwhelming 91% said unwed parents deserve the same benefits as their married counterparts.

Read our media release HERE and take a look at the survey conducted by Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s School of Business & Accountancy HERE .

Misogynist Airwaves

987 FM DJ makes comments objectifying women and reinforcing unhealthy attitudes towards beauty, but listener Nina Carlina’s complaint has been ignored.

“Without accountability, communication is simply one-way transmission, limited in purpose, lacking response, guidance, or even known effect.” Denis McQuail, author of Media Accountability and Freedom of Publication. In the 21st Century, the mass media is increasingly powerful and at the same time increasingly hard to control.

McQuail argues it is possible (and desirable) for media to have freedom and be accountable at the same time. The media in Singapore is known for being answerable to the state. Yet how accountable is the Singapore media to the people?

Recently, a radio DJ on 987 FM, a station targetting impressionable young people, made gender and sexuality-related remarks that I found problematic. I sent an email to the editor of MediaCorp to voice this concern. Below was the message conveyed:

_______

Dear Editor,

I am sending this email because I am uncomfortable with Mr Young’s comments just aired in his late-night show.

I was tuning in to Mr Young’s late-night show on 987 on Friday, December 17th. In the short span of time I was tuned in, Mr Young made several comments about various female celebrities, including Nicole Scherzinger. What I noticed was that most of his comments of the female celebrities revolved around their bodies. He alluded to their curves, hotness, and at some point pointed out that hotness was about moving fats of the body around. He then said for women, fat could be moved from the butt (if it were too big) to the “chest area”, and then said that for women the chest area can never be too big.

 

Since this  radio programme has many teenage listeners,  the objectification and sexualisation of the female celebrities on air  is particularly worrying.  Young people (no pun intended) tend to be heavily influenced by the media, and poor body image among teenage girls is a real problem. The attempt to attain a certain ideal beauty standard is associated with eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia–both growing problems among image-forming teens–Does Mr Young realise he is reinforcing this ideal beauty standard?

As a radio celebrity with many listeners, I think it is reasonable to hope that our local DJs will be more aware of social trends and be more concerned about promoting respect for people (not only for their physicality), and to help young people be positive about their self-image.

Moreover, in responding to a caller who had won tickets to some event, Mr Young immediately asked the male caller to bring three of his hottest friends, again emphasizing the importance of good looks. And then he at once followed with asking if the friends would be females. When the caller said he did not know, Mr Young was (or acted) shocked. He said he thought the caller did not know the sex of his friends, like he was bringing friends from Changi Village. Here, Mr Young alluded to the transsexuals of Singapore. When the caller said “no la…”, Mr Young breathed a sigh of relief and implied the idea of ‘Phew, that’s good’.

 

 

Here, Mr Young was subtly discriminatory towards the transgendered community in Singapore, already a very marginalized group. It may be subtle, but then most media messages that people internalize are plenty, all-around, and each seemingly subtle, yet in totality effective in propagating and reinforcing certain narrow and discriminatory ideas.
________

This message was sent on the 17th of December, 2010. About two weeks later, no response was received, and I sent another email asking for an acknowledgement of the receipt of the earlier email. As of January, 2011, I have not received any response from MediaCorp.

I am disappointed that the official media conglomerate of Singapore, MediaCorp failed to be responsible enough to address people and be accountable to them. This is especially problematic in an organisation whose work impacts the lives of people. Beyond being a matter of company and customer relations, one who controls the media should be aware of its social implications-such as the way it increasingly pervades our lives and influences our emotions and identity.

Nina Carlina

UPDATE: The writer has still received no response from Mediacorp.

Nina Carlina is a supporter of AWARE’s cause. She is currently completing her honors in Sociology at NUS.

Single in S’pore: “HDB system outdated”

The letter below was written by Chew I-Jin, chairperson of AWARE’s Sub-committee on single women. It was sent to the Straits Times Forum pages in late January. The editors received it but did not publish it.

Dear Sir/Madam,

AWARE supports call for singles to own flats at 25

I refer to the Forum Page letter “Let Singles Own HDB Flats at 25” ( ST; Jan 25th) by Dr Lau Geok Theng.

AWARE appreciates the point raised by Dr Lau that offering HDB flat ownership earlier to singles does not mean that children will be less filial to their parents or abandon them. Singaporeans in the age group of 25-35 are typically in their career-building stage. They might seek to live independently of their parents and often wish to channel their money into owning a property in this climate of escalating prices rather than see their hard-earned wages go into rentals (HDB resale prices rose about 75 per cent over the last 5 years, as derived from the HDB resale price index and the cheapest HDB 3-room flat with 2 bed-rooms that a single Singaporean can rent is about S$1,500).

The current policy of making home ownership available to singles at the age of 35 and above is based on a false premise that this delay will increase filial piety or reduce the chances of younger adults engaging in pre-marital sex. Independent living is not a sign of non-filial piety as pointed out by Dr Lau. Further, in some cases the family home is no longer a conducive environment or cannot accommodate the young adult.

The current HDB regulation remains outdated and discriminatory to a section of the community – young singles aged 35 and below.

It is a blunt policy that does not take into account the maturing and diverse culture in Singapore and how younger women and men are striving to find a space of their own without having to get married to secure a flat.

In fact, AWARE contends that a provision to offer flat ownership to those 25 and above can also mean developing an HDB landscape of mixed precincts for families, the elderly single and the young single, thus nurturing a lively ecosystem of housing for diverse Singaporeans of all ages and stages of life. AWARE believes that this a more constructive way to develop inter-connectedness with independent lifestyles, and so build the ‘vertical kampong spirit’ that Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong spoke of recently.

AWARE supports the call made by Dr Lau and asks for HDB policies to be adjusted to eliminate discrimination against young singles in Singapore.

Chew I-Jin (Ms)
Chair
Singles Sub-committee, Research & Advocacy,
AWARE (Association of Women for Action & Research)

“Having Kids Not Just A Personal Choice”

Teo You Yenn about Singapore’s record low fertility rates.

This Opinion Editorial was published in the Straits Times on 27th January 2011. A PDF is available for download here. Teo You Yenn is assistant professor at Nanyang Technological University Department of Socioloy and is on AWARE’s Board.

THE word ‘choice’ comes up often in feminist conversations – in emphasising that women should be able to ‘choose’ whether or not to marry; or have children and if so, how many; or work, and the type of work to be involved in.

Choice, however, is a problematic concept. The word conjures up images of autonomous individuals, making decisions independently of one another. However, that is not the case. Individuals make choices in particular contexts.

In the national conversation on fertility, we are too often fixated on people’s choices in the individualistic mode. We imagine that people look at their individual circumstances – their careers, finances and ‘lifestyles’ – and then make ‘cost-benefit analyses’ which lead them to decide not to have children.

These factors are of course relevant. But when we frame choice this way, we imagine society as made up of auto-nomous individuals with great control over their decisions. We lament: Surely they can cut back on their careers, or spend less money on non-necessities, or alter their expectations in life, and so on.

Choice distracts us from seeing that when people think about whether or not to have children or how many to have, they are not only looking at their own lives. Instead, they are also gauging their locations within society: They are gauging what ‘normal’ Singaporeans do; they are imagining what being a mother or father involves; and they are considering what sort of life they can have.

To address low fertility, we have to think about the context in which people decide not to have children. We have to consider the environment in which people live, and the sorts of lives they lead or aspire to lead. The responsibilities of employed work, of caring for a household, children and the elderly are substantial and not always recognised.

When the dominant motif of society is ‘work hard, make sure you’re in good financial shape because society won’t take care of you, your children or your parents’, young people have real cause to be anxious about the future.

So to ‘solve’ the fertility problem, we have to rethink the sorts of support society provides for all its citizens, at various points in their lives, and not just the currently ‘fertile’.

This idea is not new. The Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) produced a paper, Beyond Babies: National Duty Or Personal Choice, in 2004 pointing out that ‘quality of life’ is the single most important reason why Singaporeans do not have more children.

If society does not provide some assurance to its citizens that they will still have a place in society even if they are not economically productive, we must accept that Singaporeans will make the pragmatic decision to make their economic survival their No. 1 priority. In many cases, this means not having children or deferring the decision until they are financially secure.

The gender dimension in this problem is also key. Maternity leave policies, tax reliefs and foreign maid policies each point to women playing heavier roles than men in the actual work of the family. Women are still expected to be the primary caregiver and men the primary breadwinner. Structural conditions that hinder men from taking time off to care for their children remain.

If you are a man, your main job as a father is to provide; if you want to take time off to care for your child, you bear the costs. No one will cut you any slack.

For women, leaving the workforce, even temporarily, is fraught with in-security. There are few provisions to ensure they are treated the same as their male or childless female colleagues, though the time they need to raise young children may, in the larger scheme of things, be brief.

For low-income women, the choices are even more difficult: Good childcare services are expensive, and those for infants are rare. Moreover, the small number of people who use childcare services for children under three means parents (particularly women) who use such services face a fair number of frowning faces and laments of ‘Poor kid, so young’.

Paternity leave provisions comparable to maternity leave ones, childcare services universally available to parents regardless of their marital and/or employment status, and anti-discrimination legislation would go a long way to improving the situation.

When we think about choice as an individual matter, we inevitably shy from truly social solutions. We come up with incentive schemes designed to nudge individuals’ ‘cost-benefit analyses’ towards deciding to have children.

Only when both men and women feel they will be sufficiently supported as valued members of society, not just as baby makers and contributors to GDP, will we all have real choices.

Teo You Yenn

Conference: Women’s Choices, Women’s Lives

Women’s Choices, Women’s Lives: Shaping the Next 25 Years

Update: AWARE is pleased to announce that sign language interpreters will be present at the conference. In addition, the venue is wheelchair accessible.

AWARE, together with the National University of Singapore Society (NUSS), is organising AWARE’s 25th Anniversary Conference, Women’s Choices, Women’s Lives: Shaping the Next 25 Years on 5th March 2011 at Kent Ridge Guild Hall.

This conference is a reprise of one held 25 years ago, which went by the same name – the pivotal 1984 NUSS forum, “Women’s Choices, Women’s Lives”. The conclusion of that forum was that Singapore needed a women’s rights organisation. As a direct result, AWARE was formed shortly after in 1985.

Marking the close of AWARE’s 25th anniversary celebrations, the conference aims to take stock of where women are today and explore the policy approaches that have been taken in the last 25 years and ramifications of these; and to collectively envision possibilities for the next 25 years.

Our Guest of Honour will be Dr Aline Wong, Singapore’s representative to the ASEAN Commission on the Promotion and Protection of the Rights of Women. The conference will open with presentations from the following experts and women activists:

· Dana Lam:
25 Years of AWARE, a retrospective

· Braema Mathi:
Sustaining Women’s Choices in Singapore – The Long and Short of It

· Professor Linda Lim:
Beyond Gender: The impact of Age, Ethnicity, Nationality and Economic growth on Women in the Singapore Economy

· Assistant Professor Teo You Yenn:
Making choices amidst increasing burdens: A Feminist Analysis of Singapore’s Pro-natal policies

· Dr Kanwaljit Soin:
The Forgotten Generation: Why are older women not valued

The second part of the forum will examine future possibilities. It will start with a panel of informed younger women and men sharing their views and hopes on the development of policies affecting women in Singapore.

The conference will then break out to discuss different aspects of the question:

“What possibilities do you see for greater gender equality in the next 25 years in Singapore?”

These recommendations will be collated and presented to policy makers after the Conference.

Click here to download the Conference speakers’ profiles and abstracts of their presentations.

Date: 5th March 2011
Time: 9am – 5pm (registration begins at 8.30 am)
Venue: NUSS Kent Ridge Guild House– Hall, 9 Kent Ridge Drive, Singapore 119241
(6779 1811) see a location map here. Parking is available at NUS Carpark 15 conveniently located just across the road from KRGH.

Tickets are $20 per person and $32 for two people.

AWARE members may purchase discounted tickets at $15 per person or $24 for two people by logging in first to the website and purchasing the tickets.

Click HERE to register.

For further information, e-mail to training@aware.org.sg

SPONSORS
High Commission of Canada

Honouring 25 Years of AWARE

9th November 2010 – On 25th November 1985, the Association of Women for Action and Research was officially registered as a society. To mark its 25th anniversary, the women’s rights group is organising Celebrate! AWARE’s 25th Birthday Party, a flea, fun and food fair on 27th November at the AWARE Centre.

“Since its formation on 25 November 1985, AWARE has been the nation’s most vibrant feminist organisation and done much to address the gender gap and to help improve women’s lives in Singapore. Twenty-five years is a major milestone for us and we would like to celebrate our successes with the community and to thank our volunteers and supporters for their commitment, dedication and tenacity to the cause” says Nicole Tan, President of AWARE.

“Given the culture and environment that we operate in, we are proud to have achieved as much as we have, and overcome setbacks and challenges that we have encountered. Over the years, we have remained the most consistently active voice in Singapore civil society. At 25, we are stronger now than ever before and filled with as much idealism and enthusiasm as when we first started to work towards a better society. We can stand up tall and say the fire in the belly is still there,” Ms Tan says.

The event, which aims to reach out to the community, combines entertainment, shopping, food, art, and an open exchange of ideas, all in a relaxed carnival-like setting. AWARE’s Executive Director Corinna Lim says the event is the perfect way to mark 25 amazing years.

Rather than a gala dinner or members-only event, AWARE chose a family-friendly fun fair held at its Dover Road centre to welcome members of the public and the community to attend. The event is called ‘Celebrate’ because there is so much for all of us to celebrate.,” explains Ms Lim.

“Women have made gains in all areas in the last 25 years. Girls have equal access to education. There are many more women in the workplace than ever before. Many policies which were blatantly discriminatory against women have been changed. It is still not a completely level playing field but at least we are very much in the game. We continue to hope that one day, we will have a female Prime Minister and every major company worth its salt will have female directors making up at least one third of their boards. When women win, the whole society benefits,” she says.

Looking back: AWARE’s Key Achievements
In the last 25 years AWARE has worked hard to achieve many breakthroughs for women in Singapore. Our valuable work over the past two decades has contributed to securing:

2007 Revisions to the penal code, including issues of marital rape
2007 United Nations recognition of how Singapore can become more compliant with the Convention to Eliminate all forms of Discrimination Against Women
2005 Equalisation of benefits for male and female Civil Servants
2004 Citizenship rights for children born overseas to Singaporean women
2003 Removing the quota restricting female intake in NUS Medical Faculty
1999 Women being allowed to sponsor their foreign spouses for citizenship or PR status
1995 Revisions to the Women’s Charter to provide more protection for victims of domestic violence.

In addition three past-presidents serve as Nominated Members of Parliament:
Kanwaljit Soin (1992), Claire Chiang (1997) and Braema Mathi (2001) .

Celebrate! AWARE’s 25th Birthday Party
A Flea, Food and Fun Fair featuring performances by Inch Chua, Lunarin, Baracuda Batucada, Like A Band and classical Indian dancer Aarthi Sankar. In addition to the flea market and tasty treats, there will also be an exciting lineup of activities such as a children’s dance competition, an “unconference conference” in the style of BarCamp and an interactive art installation.

WHEN: Saturday November 27th, 12 noon to 8pm.
WHERE: AWARE Centre and the Open Space outside Block 5, Dover Crescent.
CLOSEST MRT STATION: Dover
CONTACT: Interviews with AWARE’s Executive Director, President or Vice-President can be arranged on request. Email ed@aware.org.sg or media@aware.org.sg
WEBSITE: www.aware.org.sg/celebrate

Abuse women? Never, say men in Singapore

Singapore, 15th December – Some men do it in just one sentence; others make a little speech; a few of them burst into song. Some stand in front of the camera alone; but the majority are accompanied by their wives, daughters, colleagues, sisters, cousins, or friends. Most speak in English, but Malay, Mandarin and even Thai is also heard.

The 60 or so men who have submitted their videos to The Because I Love Her Project Facebook page say it in many different ways, but all of them say the same thing: “Because I Love Her I pledge to never condone violence against women.”

The Because I Love Her Project, AWARE’s latest undertaking to get men in Singapore to stand up and speak out about violence against women, is AWARE’s contribution to the White Ribbon Campaign, an annual global effort that started in 1991 to get men to take a stand against the abuse of women.

Launched on 25th November, which is the International Day to Eliminate Violence against Women, the online video campaign was initially scheduled to end on 20th December. But the response has been so good that AWARE has extended the deadline and will keep accepting entries for the judge’s selection until 14th February 2011 – Valentine’s Day. A composite video compiling the best of the submissions will be released on International Women’s Day (8th March) next year.

“We’re seeing some very powerful and moving statements being made, and some pledges are really creatively done. That’s why we’ve decided to keep this campaign running for two more months. Our aim is to give good guys a space to voice their protest. From the support we’ve received so far from men of all ages and backgrounds, it’s clear there are many guys out there who would do anything to protect the women in their life from any kind of violence. These men need to be heard and that’s what The Because I Love Her Project is about,” said Corinna Lim, AWARE’s Executive Director.

At the forefront of the campaign are four Champions – outstanding, well-respected men who are acting as spokesmen for the project. The Because I Love Her Champions are US Ambassador to Singapore David I. Adelman, former Nominated Member of Parliament Siew Kum Hong, Reverend Dr. Yap Kim Hao and actor Lim Kay Siu.

Notable videos have been submitted by a wide range of guys, including 12-year-old Utkarsh Mali, who declares his mother ‘the best mum in the world’; a capella group Vocaluptuous who sing a rendition of Nat King Cole’s L.O.V.E to band member Simone and; Kirpal Singh Sidhu and his 3-year-old son, Jasdev, that men should treat women as their equals.

“While women in Singapore have made much progress in many areas, the reality is that far too many still have to deal with violence,” Ms Lim said.

The 2010 International Violence Against Women Survey, conducted by the Society Against Family Violence and NUS, found that one in 10 women in Singapore has been a victim of violence.

The Subordinate Courts report that in 2009, an average of eight Personal Protection Order applications were made by women seeking legal protection from abuse or physical threats. For every protection order taken out, there are scores of others who suffer in silence.

“We know that the majority of men are opposed to this abuse. We call on them to join our campaign and record their pledge,” said Ms Lim. “To not condone violence against women includes not keeping quiet in the face of a culture which makes jokes about rape, date rape, drunken rampages and dominating through fear and intimidation.

“It means not remaining silent when other men brag of their abuses. It means stepping in to help the women in their lives who need their support. It means stepping up and being an everyday hero simply by saying, ‘That’s not funny. That is NOT cool’.”

AWARE is also seeking partners to collaborate with on this project – companies, organisations, schools or groups who want to contribute to the project through videos, sponsorship or other forms of support are all welcome.

Sexual Harassment: The Courage to Speak Up

If you are looking for more info on sexual harassment, see here

I was flying high.

Six months with the new firm and I was already account manager for two key clients. I was getting praises from my boss, my clients and my colleagues. I had a company credit card and a view of the city skyline from my desk. I was happy.

Then we went to dinner.

John*, my boss, took the team to an expensive restaurant. There were eight of us – half men, half women, including Peter, the new guy. There was champagne with dinner and I enjoyed a glass with the rest of the group but limited myself to one.

After dinner, we all went to nearby bar. My boss ordered a round drinks for everybody – I had a soft drink. The atmosphere was cheerful and relaxed.

At one point I found myself in the middle of the group of guys, retelling a funny story. But as I was mid-sentence, John suddenly reached out and grabbed my breast. He laughed.

The others giggled nervously. They were treating it as a “practical joke”.

I was stunned.

What brought this on? It was completely unprovoked. It had nothing to do with the story I was telling. It just came out of nowhere. A random, invasive attack.

I felt paralysed. Suddenly I wasn’t an important part of the team but just somebody he could play around with. He was the alpha male showing off for the other dogs.

I froze and couldn’t finish my story.

I went to the ladies room and stared at myself in the mirror. I tried to pull myself together. I should let it go – pretend it didn’t happen. I could persuade myself that, yes, it was just a joke. “Stop being so uptight!”

I made a conscious effort to not get upset. I gave myself a pep talk. “ I’m tough. I can take it, ” I said to myself.

I returned to the group. Avoiding the gang of guys, I spoke one-on-one with Peter. We chatted about common acquaintances and made small talk.

Then he grabbed me, putting his hand on my bum. Could this really be happening again?

Now, feeling more angry than shocked, I grabbed his arm and pulled it away. But he didn’t get the hint. He went on to suggest we should share a taxi home!

I decided to leave.

I went out and hailed a cab. In the taxi, I was shivering. I felt sick. I cried and called my sister for comfort. But it took me ten minutes before I could string a complete sentence together. I was a mess.

They had made me feel like I was a bimbo – the happy-go-lucky blonde in a B-movie who was there simply to provide breasts for the boys to look at. They believed they could treat me however they wanted; touch me wherever they wanted. I was a non-person.

How come they didn’t know that their behavior was not OK, probably even criminal? Had I suddenly jumped into a madhouse?

Eventually I realised that my boss’ action had sent the signal to the others that it was OK to treat me like an object, an office plaything. He used me to display his power to the others: “Look at me. I’m the boss. I can do what I want!” Peter interpreted this as meaning I was fair game for such abuses. Maybe he even thought he could impress the top dog by imitation.

You mean, you can’t take a joke?

After some soul searching, I resolved to be firm and decisive. I would not be a victim. I would not be the kind of weak woman I had accused other friends of being in similar situations. I would be gutsy. I would fight them.

The next day I asked to speak with John privately.

“You molested me last night and it can never happen again. I hope you understand that.” His face turned red.

What I thought would be a quick conversation ending with him apologising turned into a 90-minute argument. He continuously told me that I was being overly sensitive. “It was a joke, what’s wrong with you? You mean, you can’t take a joke?” He fumed but I held my ground.

Eventually he offered an empty, insincere apology. “I’m sorry… if that makes you feel better.” But he added caveats that he was drunk “and probably you were too”.

I was unsatisfied but I thought it was over.

I was wrong.

In the following weeks, I was given fewer and fewer tasks. John constantly questioned and criticised me about work that was previously approved, despite the praise and appreciation that came from my clients.

Initially, I thought I was just being paranoid. But even my work mates noticed it. Slowly I came to realise I was being bullied. The criticisms and reduction in responsibilities were John’s revenge.

Over time my dream job was becoming a nightmare. I was unhappy at work and my self esteem was eroding. I lost my confidence in myself and my job performance began to suffer. I constantly felt the weight of my boss’ disapproving glare following me across the room.

I considered resigning. I knew this was admitting defeat. But I was losing more than a battle. I was losing myself. I needed to get out.

I did not have another job. I’d have to borrow money from my mother for rent. It seemed crazy to just leave without preparation but I couldn’t take it anymore. All I could think of was leaving.

My sister was a great source of support and understanding. I was worried that she would also think I was being paranoid – but, knowing my character, she could see I was in a bad place. Her belief in me was a great lifeline. Because my boss was always telling me that I was the one with a problem, I continued to question myself. That’s the thing about sexual harassment. You always doubt yourself, and the seriousness of what was done to you.

On the day I resigned, John had one last barb.

“I know your type” he said, “If you ever tell anyone about this, I will ruin your reputation. I will let the world know what kind of a woman you are.”

I was silent during his outburst, but afterwards, I cried for hours.

I had done the right thing. I had challenged the perpetrator. I did more more than what a lot of other women would have done. But this satisfaction came at a price: leaving a job I loved.

Luckily for me, I had a supportive network of family and friends, who were able to give me the strength to stand up for myself.

My sister’s company was a client of my agency. In an unexpected move, and of her own accord she decided to terminate the contract with my agency.

The day I resigned she called and spoke to John personally. She told him that her company engaged his agency to handle crisis management among other things, but that based on how they handled this incident with me, she had lost all trust in their ability to manage any crises.

It would have been much harder to overcome these things had I remained silent. I think that, for the rest of my life, I would have regretted not standing up for myself.

Not only that but I would like to think that my former boss was held responsible for his harassment and will think twice before ever trying something like that on an employee ever again.

I admit that in the past, I was harsh to judge other women when I heard how they did not stand up in the face of sexual harassment. I thought they were weak. But I simply didn’t get it.

It is not easy to understand the sense of isolation, confusion and constant internal struggle. It is not so easy to stand up and deal with the repercussions of the perpetrator fighting back.

But I still encourage anyone in this situation to fight the good fight. Do whatever you can to stop the harassment as early as possible and ensure it doesn’t happen again. When we keep silent the harasser believes they can get away with it and will do it again… to you or to someone else.

Today, I feel comforted knowing that I took action – even if it ended with my resigning, I know I did the right thing by speaking up.

*Names have been changed.

 

If you know someone who is experiencing workplace sexual harassment, help is available. Call the AWARE helpline on 1800 777 5555 for advice, or just someone to talk to.

To safeguard your company from sexual harassment, and to learn how to correctly and professionally manage it if it does occur in your office, attend AWARE’s workshop Managers’ Guide to Dealing with Workplace Sexual Harassment on 17th February 2pm to 6pm at the AWARE Centre.

 

Five Women Leaders We Love

Congratulations to Brazil on the inauguration of Dilma Rousseff (right), its first female president, whose election promises include tackling poverty, promoting gender equality and supporting freedom of press and religion.

We at AWARE congratulate her and celebrate some of our favourite female leaders who have contributed towards the betterment of their countries and the world.

• Angela Merkel, chancellor of Germany, and arguably the EU’s strongest leader, calls for the placement of more immigrants in the country’s civil service, deploring discrimination in employment.

• Hillary Rodham Clinton, United States Secretary of State, may have lost the presidential race, but she has won multiple awards internationally for her dedication to activities encompassing health, women and children. The American Ambassador to Singapore, David I Adelman, is working closely with AWARE on The Because I Love Her Project, where men stand up and speak out about violence against women.

• Rania Al Abdullah, Queen of Jordan, is dedicated to making quality education accessible, encouraging efforts in classroom quality, computer access and community investment.

• Mary McAleese, president of the Republic of Ireland and currently the longest-serving female president is the world. Although leading the country at a very difficult time, she is passionate about improving relations between the country’s Catholics and Protestants.

• Aung San Suu Kyi, Nobel Laureate and Burmese pro-democracy leader, has continued to fight for reform in Myanmar despite being under unlawful house arrest for most of that time. AWARE salutes her, and supports her continuing fight for her country’s freedom, now that she has attained her own.

– Tania De Rozario