你是否因为离婚而感到孤单与无助,甚至觉得似乎是自己一个人在面对离婚所带来的冲击与挣扎？
这是一个为已经离婚和正在办理离婚手续的女性朋友设立的互助小组。希望通过小组辅导，帮助参加者在面对离婚带来的种种变化与冲击时，最终拨云见日，走出阴霾.
希望藉这互助小组為离婚妇女提供一个安全的环境，让彼此抒发内心创痛的同时，也互相学习如何克服负面情绪，如何面对离婚后生活的改变，进而独立重建新生活。
對象： 离婚1-2年和正在办离婚手续的女性朋友。
地点：妇女行动与研究协会(AWARE) Blk 5, Dover Crescent, #01-22, Singapore 130005 Tel: 6779 7137
欢迎你参加我们的互助小组，让大家以积极，成熟的心态面对离婚所带来的冲击；并学习各种方法与知识来适应离婚后生活的节奏与变化，积极地向新的生活迈进。
欲知更多有关互助小组的详情或有意参加的朋友,请联络 Siang Hui, 或是电邮到以下邮址sianghui@aware.org.sg
After a year-long hiatus, the annual arts festival series returns as the all-new Singapore International Festival of Arts (SIFA). Led by Festival Director Ong Keng Sen, the Festival starts on 26 June beginning with a 17-day pre-festival programme, The O.P.E.N., and culminating with SIFA and its stellar line-up of 13 acts ending on 21 September.
Some events under The O.P.E.N. and SIFA delve into issues around gender – violence, sexuality, freedom. Pairs of tickets to four shows will be available as prizes at AWARE’s Crystal Ball on 25 August.
Programme highlights
Explore issues of identity, gender and social freedom facing South Africa today at Double-bill: I Stand Corrected/Hatched. This highly-charged double bill features South-African choreographer/performer Mamela Nyamza and British-Nigerian writer/performer Mojisola Adebayo. I Stand Corrected is an artistic response to the violent epidemic of corrective hate rape in South Africa, while Hatched articulates the poignant realities faced by Nyamza in trying to find her place in the world.
28 30 August | 8pm 10.40pm
Venue: 7213 Mohamed Sultan Road
MEDEA on Media is the most unique adaptation of the Greek classic you will see in awhile. This highly innovative contemporary Korean theatre group Seongbukdong Beedoolkee merges 21st century mass media with the tragedy that is Medea. Jason and Medeas fight unfolds as a talk-show. The revenge is enacted as a video game. The original plotline preserved but expertly deconstructed by folds of Brechtian techniques.
3 – 5 July, 8pm-9.30pm
Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts Theatre Studio
Brave and compassionate, Disabled Theater brings you into the world of professional actors with learning disabilities in a transformative and emotional performance. Through a series of questions and simple tasks, the actors introduce themselves and their extraordinary abilities. As they perform personal solo dances which they choreographed, Disabled Theater exposes their vulnerabilities yet it also reveals remarkable capacity, joy and freedom.
3-6 September
8pm, SOTA Drama Theatre
Ticket details:
Tickets for SIFA shows area available at varying prices from $35 onwards. Visit the SIFA website or SISTIC to buy your tickets now.
AWAREs annual Alamak! Award is back, “honouring” the most jaw-dropping instance of sexism over the past year.
Everyday, we see and hear comments, advertisements and policies that perpetuate gender stereotypes and sexist attitudes. In response, AWARE created the Alamak! Award, an annual search for the the most annoying, you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me instance of sexism in Singapore.
The four nominees this year were submitted by AWARE members and the public, and shortlisted by AWARE. Now, it’s up to you to choose a “winner”! Which do you think is the worst? Read the descriptions below, and vote for the most Alamak!-worthy moment below! Voting closes on 18 August!
[17 July 2014, edited to add: ALAMAK! Everyone is only supposed to get two votes, but we looked into our system and found that there were some users who were somehow casting over 10 votes each. We have removed the following ‘hacked’ votes:
Suresh Damodara – 481
Scoot Airline – 483
Dr Lim Tit Meng – 142
Goldheart Jewellery – 0
Come on, folks. This is meant to reflect public opinion. It’s not right to set out to skew the results. Play fair, OK? Any more fishy business will also be investigated and corrected.]
Update on 18 August: Voting is now closed. The winner of the Alamak! Award 2014 will be announced at the Crystal Ball on 25 August.
What can lessen the trauma that victims of rape face? According to criminal defence lawyer Suresh Damodara, being drugged against their wishes helps!
Mr Damodaras client, serial rapist Azuar Ahamad, sexually assaulted 22 women in 10 months. Seeking to reduce his sentence, Mr Damodara argued that these women did not suffer the usual trauma of rape because they were unconscious when the assault took place having been drugged by the rapist.
This incredibly insensitive argument didnt work his client was sentenced to 37 and a half years in jail. And rightly so! But to Mr Damodaras comments, we say Alamak!
Get a budget flight and sexist stereotypes all for the price of one ticket on Scoot!
Scoot thinks its better than your girlfriend. Why? Because it knows when to be quiet, when to give you space, and can handle all your crap. Plus, it always spares a thought for your wallet!
This is, of course, as opposed to all the needy, selfish girlfriends who just cant stop talking or spending their boyfriends money.
Perhaps Scoot thinks gender equality means applying insulting gendered clichés to all, because a recent ad declares Scoot to be better than your boyfriend, too. Scoot will never make you feel insecure, doesnt mind if you come with baggage, and is in it for the long haul. So all you unresponsive, commitment-phobic men, watch out! Scoot is swooping in to steal away your needy, complicated girlfriends.
Tired, sexist, boring this stereotype-driven marketing is stale. All together now: Alamak!
What would you like to hear from your boss on International Womens Day? An encouraging note affirming your organisations belief in gender equality would be good. How about a promise to improve womens representation in management?
Sadly, what the employees of Science Centre Singapore received this year however, was an email from Chief Executive Dr Lim Tit Meng, an Associate Professor of Biology, including the following line:
“I have my reasons why not many women can have the stature to hold the highest position. One of them is simply about the complex nature of women which challenges them with communication barriers in even understanding their own gender well, let alone having to compete or co-labour with the men at work.” (See the full text of the email here)
Got it, women? Your complex nature doesnt allow you to communicate well, and you dont even understand yourself! How will you ever work with, or, horror or horrors, compete with men?!
Let Dr Lim know that such comments from the chief executive of any organisation are unacceptable! He is responsible for creating a good work environment and supporting the career development of all employees not just that of men!
Note: This email was forwarded to AWARE anonymously by an employee of the Science Centre who felt belittled by this email from her boss. It made her feel her hard work was of little value. We are choosing to publish this email since the Science Centre is a public organisation a statutory board under the Ministry of Education and the chief executive of such an organisation must be held to high standards.
Next in the line of sexist International Womens Day messages: Goldheart Jewellery wants women to embrace the joy of womanhood where womanhood, and female strength, are apparently found in our universal weakness for diamonds and gold.
An accompanying message on Goldhearts Facebook page said, There may be challenging days but always remember that you are a woman who finds strength in her weakness. Remember, women, its shiny trinkets that define your gender and gives you strength!
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By Kokila Annamalai
On May 23, Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree in Isla Vista, California, that was motivated by the desire to punish women for rejecting him.
While many in the international community have condemned his actions, some men on social media responded with empathy for Rodger and a certain understanding of his sentiments.
A group of men went further to start a Facebook group to hero-worship Rodger.
On June 16, University of Washington student Keshav Bhide was arrested for claiming to be “the next Elliot Rodger” and threatening to murder women.
He claimed everything Rodger did was justified and publicly praised the latter’s actions. These men not only defend Rodger’s actions, but relate to his anger towards women who rejected him.
Their anger in response to sexual rejection hints at a perceived right to have sex with the women they desire and a denial of women’s right to refuse.
While some have blamed Rodger’s mental health issues for his actions, it is clear from the support of some men and the many such stories of men’s violence in reaction to women’s sexual rejection — collected by online campaign When Women Refuse — that Rodger’s attitude towards women is not a psychological problem, but a social one.
Women around the world experience violence when they reject men’s sexual advances. Why?
A recent United Nations survey of 10,000 men in Asia and the Pacific found that nearly half of the men interviewed reported using physical or sexual violence against a female partner and nearly a quarter admitted to rape.
The most common motivation that men cited for rape was sexual entitlement — a belief that they have a right to sex with women regardless of consent. In short, women are seen as not having the right to say no to sex.
Singapore, too, has seen incidents of women being attacked for rejecting men.
Recently, a man reportedly threw alcohol and smashed a glass into the face of a woman who ignored his advances at a club in Clarke Quay.
Readers’ comments in response to news reports of the incident included those that said the victim must have been out in Clarke Quay because she was desperate for sex and that she should have “use (sic) more EQ if she intend (sic) to reject him”.
When women are raped or sexually assaulted, they are often told they should have said no more assertively or fought off the perpetrator. They are blamed for sending mixed signals or not doing enough to stop the rape.
Yet, when women are attacked for rejecting sexual advances, they are told they should have been more polite or tactful about it.
This is a clear case of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. These victim-blaming attitudes excuse men’s sexual violence as uncontrollable, reinforcing their sense of sexual entitlement.
Right to choose
Male sexual entitlement is perpetuated through mainstream media, where men are regularly shown responding to women’s rejection with anger and violence.
In Singapore, it is also perpetuated through the law, which gives men immunity when they force their wives to have sex, unless the couple are living apart or a Personal Protection Order has been started or obtained prior to the incident.
The masculine rhetoric of sex as conquest, rather than as an experience shared by two consenting adults, diminishes women’s right to say no.
When male sexual aggression is portrayed as an acceptable way of flirting or engaging in sex, rather than as harassment or violence, women are not safe when they reject men.
Sex education must focus on the importance of consent and the right of everyone to say no without fear of repercussion.
Language such as “giving in” or “putting out” in reference to women consenting to intercourse reduces their role in sex to submission, rather than active participation.
All of us have a right to choose whom we have sex with. Women’s sexual desires and choices are as important as men’s.
Fixating on Rodger’s psyche or that of the men who commit violence against women draws attention away from underlying social norms and power structures that contribute to such violence.
Men should not have to prove their masculinity by committing violence against women, while women should have the right to say no to sex without fear of repercussion.
Only then can women be equal participants in private and public life, able to exercise their choice with intimate partners or a stranger at a club.
About the author: Kokila Annamalai is the campaign coordinator for We Can! End All Violence Against Women (Singapore chapter), a global movement against gender violence.
This opinion piece was first published in TODAY on 26 June 2014.
AWARE is organising a 3-Part Ramadan talk on Gender in Islam, and first session is on 4 July.
We will be holding a series of presentations and discussions about the works of prominent Islamic scholars and their views on gender in Islam.
Session 1: Malay Ideas on Women by Dr Azhar Ibrahim (Senior Visiting Fellow, NUS)
Throughout Malay intellectual history, there were several strands of thinking pertaining to gender and women’s role within the socio-cultural, political and religious spheres of the Malays. This presentation will highlight some of these thinking through early proponents of the modern era, such as Syed Sheikh al-Hadi, to later thinkers such as Hamka, Khadijah Sidek and the prominent Muslim feminist group, Sisters in Islam.
Friday, 4 July 2014
AWARE Centre
6.30pm to 9.30pm
Register for Session 1 here!
Session 2: Muslim Personal Law and Citizens’ Rights: The Case of Singapore
by A/P Noor Aisha Abdul Rahman (Head, Dept of Malay Studies, NUS)
Prevailing discourse on multiculturalism tend to focus on its merits in protecting the cultures and traditions of minority groups within the framework of the politics of accommodation. Less discussed are its implications on the rights and autonomy of members of the groups themselves who may be adversely affected by the arrangement. This presentation will focus on the problems arising from autonomy granted to the Muslim community of Singapore to determine its personal law, on some segments of the community, particularly in the arena of the Muslim law on marriage, divorce and inheritance.
Friday, 11 July 2014
AWARE Centre
6.30pm to 9.30pm
Register for Session 2 here!
Session 3: Challenging Patriarchy: Early Reformist Responses
by Mohamed Imran (Associate Research Fellow, NTU)
Feminism and the struggle against patriarchy is not a new phenomenon in Muslim society. This presentation will trace some of the early ideas on feminism to the Egyptian context of Islamic reform in the late 19th and early 20th century. In particular, the ideas of seminal figures such as Rifa’ah al-Tahtawi, Muhammad ‘Abduh and Qasim Amin will be discussed.
Friday, 18 July 2014
AWARE Centre
6.30pm to 9.30pm
Register for Session 3 here!
Individual price: $8 for 1 person/session
Pair price: $14 for 2 persons/session
Price includes cost of catered food.
Prayer space is provided.
By Jolene Tan, Programmes and Communications Senior Manager, AWARE
The recent conviction of Eisen Teo and ongoing discussion of the National University of Singapore’s termination of Tey Tsun Hang raise important issues about the appropriate conduct of professional and academic mentors toward young people under their care and influence.
Teachers and other authority figures occupy positions of power which can be misused. Even where the young people concerned are not technically minors, the power imbalance in the teaching or mentorship dynamic can enable exploitative and abusive behaviour.
Organisations which have contact with students and young people should institute robust policies about the standards expected of their staff. This should include clear channels for complaints and documented procedures for handling them.
Our experience of advising organisations dealing with workplace sexual harassment suggests that policies must go beyond paper guidelines. Regular training helps make all workers aware of the expectations they must meet, creating a zero tolerance environment for abusive behaviour.
This goes beyond simply avoiding direct sexual activity, to encouraging a climate of respect.
For instance, when co-workers joke about seeing students and young people connected with their organisation as targets for sexual activity, this may unwittingly legitimise and enable predatory colleagues.
Sex education in schools can also play a part, by helping students to understand and value the role of free and informed consent to sexual activity. Minors should be taught that they are not always obliged to defer to authority figures, especially when it comes to setting and respecting personal boundaries.
In our regular interactions with young people, adults need to demonstrate that any concerns they raise – including about authority figures – will be taken seriously.
School counselors and anyone else caring for young people should respect their rights to privacy, confidentiality and the autonomy to make their own choices. This will make it easier for victims of sexual exploitation to report behaviour that makes them uncomfortable and to receive the support that they need.
We can also work to foster an atmosphere of openness and trust at home, where minors and young people can confide in parents and caregivers without fearing judgmental responses.
If children sense that any hint of sexual feelings or activity on their part will draw condemnation, suspicion or blame, they are less likely to share information which could alert parents and caregivers to situations of grooming, and enable them to provide assistance.
This letter was first published in the Straits Times Forum on 22 June 2014.
By Jolene Tan, Programmes and Communications Senior Manager, AWARE
Ms Shelen Ang is right to suggest that we should value childcare – and other caregiving – performed by men (“Fathers deserve more recognition”, 14 June).
The Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) has long called for greater support for active parenting by men, including by championing statutory paternity leave.
Men who wish to play a more active role in their children’s lives are often held back by archaic gender stereotypes which dictate male breadwinner and female caregiver roles.
It is therefore unfortunate that Ms Ang’s letter continues to promote rigid ideas about parenting, pigeonholing people according to gender and failing to reflect the rich diversity of our social reality. She allocates to parents fixed roles, such as “providers of comfort” and “play exploration”, based simply on their gender, with no regard for their personal temperaments, preferences or strengths.
Every individual has different aptitudes and personality traits, regardless of gender, and will bring their own unique qualities to childcare and parenting.
As the parent of a toddler, I am familiar with the damaging anxiety that many new parents experience in the face of endless panic-mongering media and social messages about the “correct” way to raise children. It is unhelpful and stifling to add to that further pressure through setting rigid, gendered standards for all, causing needless worry for parents who might wonder if they are parenting badly because they don’t conform to narrow prescriptions about whether they should “calm” or “startle” a baby based on their gender.
These stereotypes are also deeply exclusionary to the many parents who are trying their best to do right by their children and who simply happen not to follow some idealised template of “mother, father and children”, perhaps because they are unmarried, divorced, widowed or in same-sex relationships. Assertions about the damage allegedly done by “father absence” also alienate children who might grow up without fathers for a variety of reasons.
Rather than continuing to promote prejudices about gender and parenting, we can do more to support fathers and all caregivers by recognising that childcare is valuable labour. It requires recognition and support, whether it is done by mothers, fathers, grandparents, domestic workers or anyone else. As with all work, each of us has to learn how to do it, and we will get better at it through experience and humility – acquiring skills and knowledge along the way, and bringing to the task our own individual flair and flavours.
An edited version of this letter was published in TODAY Voices on 20 June 2014.
By Vivienne Wee (Ms), Research and Advocacy Director, Association of Women for Action and Research
As the Committee for Family Justice reviews the family justice system in Singapore, the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) hopes that family law evolves to better recognise the vulnerabilities and needs of all parties in situations of divorce (“Women’s Charter ‘to be reviewed’ “; May 20).
For example, spouses undergoing divorce may find the procedures confusing or intimidating, and may face housing, financial and other difficulties for which they are not sufficiently prepared.
We welcome the committee’s proposal to introduce mandatory pre-writ consultation sessions for couples considering divorce to help them understand the issues that may arise. These consultations should be made available during and after the final judgment too, to ensure that parties have continued access to necessary support.
We also suggest that a “first information session” be offered to those who have been served a writ of divorce.
Aware has worked with many women who are confused by the divorce process and are ill-prepared to respond within the deadline of eight days set by the court.
Many find the process intimidating, especially if there are language barriers.
A “first information session” would help them respond in a more informed manner. This session should be conducted by a social worker or counsellor, who can also determine if there is abuse, violence or intimidation in the marriage or if either spouse needs financial, legal or psychological assistance.
Joint consultation and mediation sessions should not be required of victims of violence.
A helpline can be set up to provide information and assistance on divorce proceedings, including referrals to other resources such as legal clinics.
The Committee for Family Justice also recommended differentiated case management, providing different tracks for each type of case in court.
We recommend the extension of this principle. In cases of family violence, for example, the restriction on filing for divorce within the first three years of marriage should be removed and the divorce process expedited, in the best interests of the victim and children in the family.
Moreover, we suggest that no-fault divorce be made truly available. Though it exists in principle, in practice, spouses have to try to prove irretrievable breakdown as factual grounds for divorce, leading to unnecessary acrimony.
We have formally submitted these and further recommendations to the Committee for Family Justice for its consideration.
In the meantime, in response to the needs voiced by women undergoing divorce, Aware will be setting up a support group for women going through divorce.
This letter was first published in the Straits Times Forum on 12 July.
Mark your calendars for AWARE’s annual fundraiser, the Crystal Ball 2014!
Join us for a night of great company, delicious food and fun entertainment for a good cause! See who will win this years gender equality awards, or which instance of sexism is voted the most deserving of our tongue-in-cheek ALAMAK! Award.
Hosted by the vivacious Pam Oei and talented singer/actor Benjamin Kheng, the evening promises to be an exciting and inspiring night!
Date: Monday, 25 August 2014
Venue: Regent Hotel
Time: Registration begins at 7 pm
Tickets: $2600 per table of ten, and $260 per person
Dress code: Cocktail attire Shimmer!
This year, we are also proud to feature The Sam Willows, currently one of Singapores hottest and most exciting bands, and the parody troupe The Chesnuts!
How can you contribute?
We always appreciate all your support.
For more details, please visit the Crystal Ball website.
We hope to see you there!
