Many parents are not aware that taking their own child to another country without the consent of the other parent could be viewed as “abduction” under the Hague Convention. Since Singapore became a signatory in 2010, the 1980 multilateral treaty has been a source of struggle for a number of often unsuspecting foreign spouses here.
AWARE encounters some of these cases through the Helpline, often from women who are trapped in abusive marriages but are unable to return to their country of origin with their children. “We’re bringing together all these experiences, not just for legal information sharing, but to also understand the realities of people going through this situation.” said Lim Xiu Xuan, Community Engagement Executive of AWARE.
These experiences were brought to light when 30 people gathered at the AWARE centre on the evening of 27 July to learn more about the Hague Convention and the legal options available to affected spouses.
The roundtable opened with guest speaker Ms Lim’s sharing of her courage to leave her abusive husband to return to her country of origin with her child. However, her first exposure to Hague Convention was with shock and panic. Following legal advice, she left the country with her child to escape the abuse but later discovered from another lawyer that she had to return her child back to where her spouse resided, otherwise she would be deemed as a criminal under the Hague Convention.
Ms Lim highlighted that in many cases, people like herself who may be affected by the Hague Convention were not aware of its existence. Not only is the word ‘abduction’ under the Convention archaic, the accusation further intimidates women who are already in such vulnerable situations. She pointed out that there should be measures in place to avoid unintentionally getting into trouble and more public education on the Hague Convention.
When participants were invited to share their experiences, the unique vulnerability of foreign spouses emerged as an especially salient issue that compounded the effects of the Hague Convention. The group shared more about the financial dependency and struggles that came with their immigration status, the need for protection of women in such vulnerable situations, and the inaccessibility of free legal clinics in Singapore for foreign spouses.
Guest speakers for the talk, Ms. June Lim from Eden Law Corporation and Ms Susan Tay from OTP Law Corporation, shared information about the different aspects of Hague convention and introduced Project Relocation, an initiative between their respective law firms to provide accessible legal help to foreign spouses seeking to return to their countries with their children. Participants were also given a step-by-step guide on how they could apply to Project Relocation and the kind of help they would receive.
Corinna Lim, Executive Director of AWARE, reassured participants that their foreign citizenship would not undermine AWARE’s determination to support them. AWARE plans to raise more awareness on the Convention and provide educational resources and guides for foreign spouses in Singapore. Those interested to be part of this working group can write to wecan@aware.org.sg.
If you are contemplating leaving the country with your children, and are unsure about whether you can do so, please call the AWARE Helpline at 1800 777 5555 to arrange for a legal information session.
This piece delves into the guest speaker’s experience of Islamaphobic hate crimes.
In collaboration with DOT (Daughters of Tomorrow), GEC (Gender Equality is Our Culture) held our Hari Raya celebration on 24 July, with plenty of food, fun, games and friends. The celebration kicked off with a quick game of Human Bingo followed by a talk by guest speaker, Ms Shereen Williams who was recently made an Honorary Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) – an award conferred to individuals for their outstanding achievement or service to the community.
Having left Singapore 12 years ago, Ms Shereen is currently a regional community cohesion coordinator in Newport and Monmouthshire (East Gwent), Wales. She first spoke about the difficulties she had when she moved there, from learning new bus routes to dealing with the challenges of being a visible minority – one of which was becoming a victim of Islamaphobic attacks. In one particular incident, she was sitting on a park bench waiting for her husband when a group of children spat at her. She recounted another harrowing experience of conducting a social experiment as part of a BBC documentary called ‘White, Welsh and Muslim’: she had worn a niqab for a day and someone had commented that if he had a gun, he’d shoot her. Ms Shereen shared how there was a difference in her experiences of being a minority both in Wales and Singapore. She felt that in Singapore, she was more sheltered from such aggressive acts of racism, while it was the contrary in Wales with the rise of Islamaphobia.
Her experience working with the diverse Muslim community in the United Kingdom (UK) also made her more aware of how patriarchy and misogyny were deeply ingrained in practices and culture globally. For example, in many families, honour is still placed on the shoulders of girls and women. In instances where this honour has been “besmirched”, it is common for acts of violence to be committed against them.
Participants were kept glued to their seats as Ms Shereen went on to share about her work with Muslim communities in the UK. When she spoke about how an Islamic scholar had chastised her for working on a marital rape case, citing the reason that it’s haram (forbidden), there was outcry from the audience. She encouraged participants to seize opportunities and to be brave when facing hardships.
The group also discussed how to support victims of abusive relationships and domestic violence, including how they can safely step in and ensure the victims’ safety while still prioritising the victims’ agency. Violence against women remains a pressing issue in Singapore. It becomes even more complex when it is intertwined with the traditional practices and culture of the community, emphasising the need to challenge harmful gender roles and stereotypes that perpetuate such violence.
The Hari Raya celebration ended on a great note, with a series of trivia games on classic Malay films and popular Hari Raya songs, with participants laughing gleefully at comedic P. Ramlee movie scenes and singing along to the tunes of Siti Nurhaliza among many others. All in all, an inspiring, informative and engaging event for the whole GEC community – thank you to everyone who made it possible!
By Filzah Sumartono (GEC coordinator) & Firqin Sumartono
A version of this article was published in Karyawanmagazine.
Illustrated by Wan Xiang Lee
More women are entering into the public sphere in contemporary societies than they have before. However, events such as the Women’s March in January 2017 continue to highlight the frustrations that women feel: that despite the progress they have achieved, struggles continue over gender roles, sexuality and representation as still many women around the world have not achieved parity and equity at every level of society.
In Singapore, Malay women are increasingly pursuing higher education, achieving management positions and taking on more leadership roles. Many are also contributing financially to the household, some are even the main breadwinner of a household, on top of performing their traditionally subscribed caregiving and housekeeping roles. One would think that changes in the socioeconomic realities of a Malay household in Singapore would entail a corresponding change in the ideas of what it means to be a woman or a man in today’s contemporary society. However, Malay women still find themselves, overtly or otherwise, subjected to longstanding cultural ideas of gender roles and gender-related expectations that restrict and hold back their progress and potential.
The Kitchen and Office
Despite having made significant progress in education and at the workplace, the marker of ideal womanhood for Malay women is still highly dependent on marriage and motherhood. Single, unmarried women wishing to pursue a PhD or focus on their career development are commonly dissuaded on the basis that by the time they obtain that doctorate or career success, they will be labelled an “anak dara tua”. This term carries the stigma of an old maid, with few prospective partners. Additionally, her “over-qualification” brings about the concern of intimidating potential suitors. Successful role models in the community are often one-sided representations of married women who are outstandingly capable of fulfilling the duties of the kitchen and office. However, women like world-renowned architect, the late Zaha Hadid, who conceptualised Singapore’s One-North and remained unmarried until her passing, have shown that having an alternative life trajectory can be equally celebrated. Thereby, showing that women are responsible agents of their futures and their identity should not be dictated by their marital status.
Within the family, rigid gender roles that marked the households of our foremothers remain largely dominant. Women are expected to take on the primary roles of caregiving, extending from childcare, elderly care to the physical space of the home itself. This is on top of holding full-time jobs and contributing to the household income, a role traditionally designated to the husband. A 2013 survey on social attitudes of Singaporeans done by the Ministry of Social and Family Development showed that women spent overwhelmingly more time on household affairs such as caregiving and chores than their spouses did. Hence, while the role of women has greatly diversified in today’s society, this same diversification is slow to catch on among the populace. Current policies such as the short period of paternal leave fathers receive, do little to encourage or allow men to shoulder more caregiving roles. This results in most women having to bear the responsibility of homemaker and caregiver alone. The 2015 General Household Survey found that 50.4% of Malay women are economically inactive compared to the national rate of 40.9%. 78% of women in general, aged 25 to 54 who are economically inactive choose to remain so due to family responsibilities, namely housework, childcare or caregiving to families or relatives.This leaves many women financially dependent on their husbands or male relatives and is a contributing factor to the lower economic profile of the community. For women to continue to progress in the workforce, there must be more policies that encourage gender equality and a renegotiation of gender roles at home.
Progress, yet violence against women continues
The unequal power dynamics of gender relations in the household, despite it being nuanced and subtle, can have disastrous effects on the community. In the 2013 International Violence Against Women Survey conducted in Singapore, nearly 1 in 10 of the female respondents surveyed experienced at least one incident of violence by a man in their adult lifetime. The Sexual Assault Care Centre saw 338 cases in 2016, an increase of 26% from the previous year. Additionally, PAVE, a protection specialist centre in Singapore, reported that victims of domestic violence from the Malay community are overrepresented. There is a strong link between attitudes towards violence and attitudes towards gender. Traditional gender roles and notions have been the most consistent predictor of attitudes supporting violence against women. Studies have shown that there is a correlation between men’s adherence to sexist, patriarchal, and/or sexually hostile attitudes and the likelihood of being violent against women, while women who express traditional gender role attitudes are less likely to report violence and abuse by their partners.
A video taken during a marriage preparation event that went viral recently, showed a religious teacher propagating the idea that women should be of service to their husband. This severely undermines a woman’s autonomy within the household and promoted unequal relationships within the marriage. Arguably, the most disturbing was that it seems to condone physical domestic violence in the form of assault and wrongful confinement as justified responses to adultery committed by wives. Unfortunately, religion is often used as the rationale for these beliefs despite the fact that leading religious scholars have repeatedly declared that domestic violence is not acceptable in Islam. The community must continue to recognise and consistently reject attitudes that excuse and enable violence. Dismissing this incident as just an isolated case is extremely naïve because these ideas, which threaten equality, respect and life itself, are not as uncommon as we may think.
What next?
It is important that we do not dismiss these as “women’s” issues or “gender” issues. Labelling them as such would only distant ourselves and propagate the idea that it is irrelevant to our brothers in the community. Men, such as those who have been appointed, or self-appointed, as head of their household or as leaders of the community, also have a part to play in challenging and debunking myths of male superiority and stereotypes of masculinities that serve to perpetuate violence against women. Furthermore, Minister for Social and Family Development, Mr Tan Chuan-Jin, mentioned in his speech that “violence against women is unequivocally wrong” and we should work towards “a more equal society”,. To do this, we need seismic shifts in our community’s perception of gender roles. Such a change cannot happen if women work on these issues alone. It is a reality that currently, more men are in leadership and positions of influence compared to women in Singapore. Therefore, we need more men on board prioritising these issues and working towards a culture of gender equality. After all, an egalitarian community is a marker of a progressive and inclusive one.
It is also imperative that we have more discussions on gender relations within the Muslim family. Gender equality and justice is not a foreign concept to the history of Muslims. Prophet Muhammad himself has helped out with household chores and his first wife Khadijah was a very successful business entrepreneur. In a talk conducted by the Association of Women for Action and Research on marriage education in June 2017, some of the male participants spoke out about the need for more gender equal relations within the family; that it is important for men to also carry the responsibility of the mental load of managing the household and caregiving, a task usually relegated to the women. Other examples that have encouraged conversations about gender roles within the community is the anthology, Perempuan: Muslim Women in Singapore Speak Out, a compilation of essays and poems written by Muslim women in Singapore. These stories introduced alternative narratives that challenge conventional ideas of the role of women in the society.
Even though these harmful ideas of gender roles are not specific to our community alone, they are deeply entrenched ideas justified and perpetuated by problematic patriarchal interpretations of religion and prevailing cultural norms. By using religion and tradition to rationalise these ideas, many have not questioned or challenged them. We assume we have progressed in gender equality, when in reality, we are still subjected to the same restrictive norms as our foremothers. Conversations about Malay women’s role in Singapore are sorely needed. However, the battle for parity needs that revolutionary courage to speak out against injustices in society. Moving forward, we need a paradigm shift in our ideas of gender roles so as not to limit the potential of our future selves and the next generation, who deserve to be free.
Filzah Sumartono works at The Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) as Project Coordinator for the community engagement project called “Gender Equality Is Our Culture” which works to reclaim culture as gender-equitable. Filzah also conducts workshops on sexual health, consent and healthy relationships. She also advocates for an end to the practice of sunat perempuan.
Firqin Sumartono is a recent linguistics graduate and currently works in research on projects related to society and languages. Her ongoing study looks at the evolving speech patterns of the Singaporean Malay community. Her research interests include sociolinguistics, bilingualism and language planning and policies.
Are you passionate about women’s issues and want to contribute to the cause of gender equality in Singapore? If your answer is ‘Yes!’, then this gathering is for you! Come and learn more about what we do to support women and improve women’s rights in Singapore. You will meet other amazing people, and experience the spirit that has kept AWARE’s flame burning strong for the last 32 years.
Blank Run, a multidiscplinary theatrical production, is premiering in Singapore and we warmly invite you to join us for this enigmatic experience. The performance will take you on a journey with a survivor of sexual assault as she tries to recollect fragments of her memories and make sense of her experience.
Together with the Theatre Practice, the Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) will be holding a post-show discussion to unpack the inspiration and process behind the piece and also share more about our work with survivors.
We invite you to contribute your story to our forthcoming book “Growing Up Perempuan”! This book is meant to be a compilation of the experiences of women from different generations in Singapore being socialised to grow up as Muslim and/or Malay women, including the impact such socialisation processes have had on self, relationships with family members, relatives, friends, as well as the wider community. We would like you to write about your struggles, lessons and achievements, including how you have dealt with various challenges, especially in negotiating between the secular and religious/cultural aspects of your lives. The expected publication date is set for end 2017 or early 2018. We wish to encourage submissions from all women, including first-time authors.
In September 2016, we published the first book of the series “Perempuan: Muslim Women in Singapore Speak Out”. Since then, we have sold more than 300 copies of this anthology of essays and poems written by Muslim women about their personal experiences. It is currently available for purchase at local bookstores such as BooksActually, Wardah Books, Kinokuniya and as an ebook at all major ebook retailers.
This open call is organised by Gender Equality Is Our Culture (GEC) which is a project of the Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE). GEC works within the local Muslim contexts to promote diverse and inclusive narratives, and gender-equitable interpretations of culture.
Submissions should meet the following criteria:
The piece you submit should be on the theme of growing up in Singapore and being socialised to become Muslim and/or Malay women in Singapore. Topics that you can write about, but not limited to, are personal transformations, gender experiences, cultural pressures, family histories, discrimination, sexuality, identity, experiences of abuse or violence and more. You may also interview an older female family member and write a piece reflecting on what you have learnt about how this family member was socialised, as compared to how you have been socialised.
You can write your piece in either English or Malay.
You can write between 600-2000 words.
You should be a Muslim and/or Malay Singaporean or a Muslim and/or Malay resident of Singapore (not necessarily a Permanent Resident)
Details:
Submissions close on 31 Oct 2017.
Authors whose writings are selected for publication will be given an honorarium of SGD150 and will receive 2 complimentary copies of the book.
Authors who choose to interview an older female family member and write a reflective piece about the results of the interview will receive an honorarium of SGD250 and 2 complimentary copies of the book. The author should contact the editors at gec@aware.org.sg beforehand to get prior agreement about doing this.
Multiple submissions are allowed.
Email your stories to gec@aware.org.sg, with “Perempuan” and your name in the subject.
Send submissions in a readable font, either in .rtf, .doc or .docx formats.
Include the title, your name or pen-name, and a 50-word author biography in the text of the document.
You may submit a previously published article if you have the copyright. Otherwise, you need to get the permission of the publisher or whichever body holds the copyright. Do let us know if you are sending us a reprint.
All submissions chosen for the anthology may be edited.
The editors reserve the right to reject submissions based on inappropriate content, including (but not limited to) disrespect towards individuals, groups, cultures and religions.
Authors who choose to interview an older female family member and write a reflective piece about the results of the interview will receive an honorarium of SGD250 and 2 complimentary copies of the book. The author should contact the editors at gec@aware.org.sg beforehand to get prior agreement about doing this AND attend an interviewing skills workshop on Thursday, 24 August 2017, 7pm. Register for the workshop here.
For more information, please contact Filzah at gec@aware.org.sg.
Ceritakan kisah anda!
Kami menjemput anda untuk menyumbang kisah anda untuk kompilasi buku bertajuk “Growing Up Perempuan” yang akan diterbitkan! Buku ini bertujuan untuk mengumpul pengalaman wanita dari pelbagai generasi tentang proses sosialisasi seorang wanita Islam dan/atau Melayu di Singapura. Proses sosialisasi bermakna kebiasaan, nilai atau peraturan yang diajar daripada generasi sebelumnya ke generasi lainnya tentang apa itu peranan dan tanguggungjawab seorang wanita di masyarakat ini. Dari segi ini, kami mahu dengar dari anda bagaimana proses anda membesar dan disosialisasikan sebagai seorang wanita Islam dan/atau Melayu, termasuk juga kesan proses sosialisasi yang ada pada diri sendiri, hubungan dengan anggota keluarga, saudara, sahabat dan masyarakat.
Kami mahu anda menulis tentang perjuangan dan pencapaian anda, termasuk bagaimana anda telah mengatasi pelbagai cabaran, terutama sekali bagaimana anda berunding antara aspek sekular dan agama/budaya dalam kehidupan anda. Tarikh penerbitan dijangka pada akhir tahun 2017 atau awal tahun 2018. Kami ingin menggalakkan penyertaan daripada semua wanita, termasuklah penulis pertama kali.
Pada September 2016, kami telah menerbitkan buku pertama dalam siri ini “Perempuan: Muslim Women in Singapore Speak Out” yang ditulis oleh wanita Islam Singapura mengenai pengalaman peribadi mereka. Sejak itu, kami telah menjual lebih daripada 300 salinan antologi karangan dan puisi ini. Ia kini boleh didapati di kedai buku tempatan seperti BooksActually, Wardah Books, Kinokuniya dan juga sebagai e-book di semua peruncit e-book utama.
Panggilan terbuka ini dianjurkan oleh Gender Equality Is Our Culture (GEC) yang merupakan projek Persatuan Wanita Bagi Tindakan dan Kajian (AWARE). GEC bekerja dalam konteks Muslim tempatan untuk menggalakkan naratif yang lebih inklusif dan merangkumi masyarakat majmuk.
Penyertaan hendaklah memenuhi kriteria berikut:
Karangan atau puisi yang anda tulis seharusnya mengikuti tema iaitu berdasarkan pengalaman membesar di Singapura dan proses sosialisasi untuk menjadi wanita Islam dan/atau Melayu di Singapura. Anda boleh menulis tentang topik seperti perubahan peribadi, pengalaman jantina, desakan budaya, sejarah keluarga, diskriminasi, seksualiti, identiti, pengalaman keganasan rumah, dan banyak lagi. Anda juga boleh bertemu ramah dengan ahli keluarga wanita yang lebih tua dan menulis refleksi tentang apa yang mereka telah diajar sebagai kebiasaan dan tingkah laku seorang wanita, dibandingkan dengan cara yang anda telah diajari.
Anda boleh menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu atau Bahasa Inggeris.
Anda boleh menulis antara 600 – 2000 perkataan.
Anda seorang warga Islam Singapura atau seorang penduduk Islam Singapura (tidak semestinya Penduduk Tetap).
Maklumat:
Tarikh tutup ialah 31 Oktober 2017.
Penulis yang tulisannya dipilih untuk penerbitan akan diberikan cenderahati SGD150 dan akan menerima dua salinan buku.
Penulis yang memilih untuk bertemu ramah dengan seorang ahli keluarga wanita mereka dan menulis karangan reflektif mengenai hasil temu ramah akan menerima cenderahati SGD250 dan dua salinan buku. Penulis harus menghubungi penyunting di gec@aware.org.sg terlebih dahulu untuk mendapatkan persetujuan untuk melakukan ini.
Anda dibenarkan mengirimkan lebih daripada satu tulisan.
E-mel tulisan anda kepada gec@aware.org.sg, dan tuliskan “Perempuan” dan nama anda dalam subjek.
Kirimkan tulisan anda dalam font yang boleh dibaca dan dalam format .rtf, .doc atau .docx.
Sertakan tajuk, nama atau nama pena, dan biografi penulis (tidak melebihi 50 perkataan) dalam teks dokumen.
Anda boleh menyertakan tulisan yang telah diterbitkan sebelum ini jika anda mempunyai hak cipta. Jika tidak, anda perlu mendapatkan kebenaran penerbit atau mana-mana badan yang memegang hak cipta. Harap beritahu kami jika anda mahu menghantarkan cetakan semula.
Semua tulisan yang dipilih untuk antologi akan disunting.
Penyunting berhak untuk menolak tulisan berdasarkan kandungan yang tidak sesuai, termasuk (tetapi tidak terhad kepada) karangan atau puisi yang tidak menghormati individu, kumpulan, budaya, dan agama.
Untuk maklumat lanjut, sila hubungi Filzah di gec@aware.org.sg.
In celebration of International Domestic Workers Day (IDWD), AWARE partnered with Aidha, HOME, and the Singapore Committee for UN Women to screen the film Remittance on 18 June and 5 July at Shaw Theatres Lido. More than a hundred people turned up for the screenings, with the first screening welcoming more foreign domestic workers who were able to attend for free thanks to the generous support of Mastercard.
Remittance revolves around the life of Marie, a domestic worker from the Philippines who left her home in search of a better future in Singapore. It captures the story of how she copes with leaving her family behind while meeting the demands of her new employers. In the film, Marie struggles to balance her obligations and aspirations while also being supportive of her family back home. Murmurs were heard throughout the audience as familiar situations were portrayed on screen. A particular scene that resonated with the foreign domestic workers in the audience was when exorbitant agency fees kept Marie financially stranded for her first few months in Singapore and this inevitably affected her family back in the Philippines.
A short discussion was held after the screenings to draw out different perspectives and understand more about the issues surrounding migrant workers in Singapore. The panel for the second screening comprised Gwyneth Teo, co-producer of Remittance; Yolanda Bermas, supporting actress in Remittance; Jacqueline Loh, CEO of Aidha and Singapore Committee of UN Women Board Member; and Robina Navato, Sunday helpdesk volunteer at HOME. Jasmine Ng, AWARE board member and filmmaker/educator moderated the discussion.
A realistic portrayal of lives of foreign domestic workers in Singapore
“Remittance was supposed to be documentary, but became a narrative film when the directors realised that the lives of foreign domestic workers were much more compelling than statistics,” said Ms Gwyneth, who also highlighted how the team spent two years researching and conducting interviews with local champions of migrant workers’ rights HOME and TWC2. “Instead of telling one story, we wanted to tell a composite of stories”, she added. To retain the authenticity of the film, they hired mostly domestic workers and non-actors in Singapore.
It was this authenticity that touched the hearts of many. “I felt that the beginning of the film was my life story.” said Ms Robina, an audience member. “Your kids… you don’t know what happens to them when you’re away.” She also shared that there is a certain level of difficulty that comes with leaving children and family behind to work. “Most of the domestic workers are mothers and maybe half of them become single parents when they leave (their home country).”
Challenges faced at the structural level
A member of the audience voiced her concerns over the exorbitant agency fees and wondered if there is anything being done to tackle this issue. According to Ms Jacqueline Loh, there is already a cap on agency fees in the Philippines and Indonesia. “But it is common that (domestic workers) get $10 or $20 each month until (the fees) are paid off,” she says. Under the Employment Agency Act in Singapore, agency fees for domestic workers are capped at two months for a 2-year contract and one month for a 1-year contract. However, the problem lies in a loophole that allows agencies to deduct agency fees under a different guise such as recovering loans. There is thus a pressing need for policies to be changed in order to address this issue and effectively protect migrant workers.
Paving the road ahead
The session ended with a discussion on what the general public can do in order to help. Ms Jacqueline stressed the importance of raising awareness on the need for domestic workers to be educated, especially on financial literacy. Courses available at Aidha and HOME aim to empower foreign domestic workers so that they are better able to take charge of their lives.
The panelists also urged individual Singaporeans to engage themselves and not simply rely on organisations to tackle such issues. Employers, for example, should aspire to implement a cap on working hours, provide extra pay on public holidays, and grant annual leaves. Individuals looking to lend a helping hand can also raise awareness about the issue among family and friends, volunteer at local organisations like Aidha, HOME or TWC2 as mentors, or even campaign for the tightening of labour policies.
The lives of foreign domestic workers in Singapore are far more complex than what we often make it out to be. Coupled with poor working conditions and sometimes ineffective policies, foreign domestic workers’ livelihoods continue to plagued by hardships. It is imperative that everyone, from state agencies to civil society organisations to individuals, work together to make Singapore a better place for domestic workers to work and live in.
Around 40 people, almost half of whom were men, gathered at the AWARE Centre on the evening of 12 July to bring to light their struggles with deeply ingrained gender norms. These norms expect boys to be “manly”, and penalise those who are unable to earn or prove their masculinity through bullying, harassment, teasing and physical violence.
The roundtable, Let’s Talk: Take It Like A Man, followed the release of a recent study – a collaboration between gender equality group AWARE and Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s Diploma in Psychology Studies programme – which revealed that almost all (97%) of boys have either experienced violence or gender policing for being “gay” or “girly”, or perpetrated violence against boys that they felt were effeminate or “gay”. These results came from a survey of 809 male respondents in JCs, Polytechnics and ITEs and were based on their experiences during secondary school. The most common forms of gender policing were being told to “man up” or “take it like a man”. 82% of respondents had also committed physical violence against other boys or transgender women/girls.
Corinna Lim, Executive Director of AWARE, opened the discussion by explaining why AWARE was pursuing a topic that seemingly had nothing to do with women. She explained, “(This aggression is) not necessarily against women, but against femininity. I was a tomboy. I played tennis, I was always in shorts, and I was looked up to for those things. But men who show feminine traits get a different treatment.”
An audience member revealed that while he was not harassed in school because he was good at sports, an ‘effeminate’ campmate that he knew during National Service was bullied “day and night”.
When participants were asked to briefly share incidents in which they or someone they knew were told to “man up”, the room buzzed with enthusiastic discussion. Most agreed that they or someone they knew had experienced such forms of gender policing.
Writer and arts organiser Daryl Yam recounted how his ‘effeminate’ mannerisms led to him being “called every name imaginable” by his peers at an all-boys school. He was especially hurt when, after performing badly during a ball game, a teacher he admired and looked up to called him a “guniang (girl)”.
This lack of support from teachers was also experienced by fellow panellist Sherry Sherqueshaa, a transgender woman, researcher and writer at sex workers’ rights group Project X. She had been branded a “sissy” and “bapok” by her classmates, but noted that her teachers let it continue despite being aware that such labels were being hurled at her from across the classroom.
Some participants wondered if aggressive male behaviour such as ‘tau pok’ might simply be “a form of rough handshake”, and that it is difficult to distinguish between bullying and more physically aggressive forms of friendly interaction. In response, Mr Benny Bong, an anti-violence advocate on the panel, said that violence used in gender policing is problematic when it is done without the clear consent of all involved. He added that the confusion felt towards the playfulness of physically aggressive male behaviour is rooted in how men are socialised, and that it is important for men to get together and reflect on this.
Participants felt that the roundtable provided an avenue for much-needed discussion on the issue. One participant said, “I’m glad that I see more people taking up a good cause to change society. I’m sad and mad about the survey results. I thought my generation would be less discriminatory.”
Another participant did not find the survey results surprising because he had studied at an all boys secondary school and had experienced many forms of gender policing described in the report. However, he reiterated the importance of exploring male violence when dealing with women’s rights, saying, “When (all) genders are equal, every individual is allowed to achieve their full potential. But when you have these cookie cutter molds, people are inevitably going to fall out.”
A new survey has shown that 9 in 10 teenage boys report facing pressures to be ‘manly’ through experiences of harassment, bullying, teasing, social exclusion, and psychological and physical violence.
The study, a collaboration between gender equality group AWARE and Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s Diploma in Psychology Studies programme, surveyed 809 male respondents across JCs, Polytechnics and ITEs, most aged 17 to 18, who answered based on their experiences during secondary school.
Committing and experiencing violence
Virtually all (97%) boys have experienced violence or gender-policing for being ‘gay/girly’, or committed violence against other boys for being ‘gay/girly’. For example, they had teased or insulted other boys for having feminine characteristics, or used words like ‘sissy’, ‘pondan’, ‘ah kua’ or ‘gay’ to refer to someone’s behaviour, or have been on the receiving end of such bullying.
82% of respondents have committed physical violence against others boys and/or transgender women/girls while 74% of respondents have experienced physical violence. For example, more than half of respondents (54%) have hit, pushed, shoved or spat on another boy.
The survey also found that more than 20% of respondents have been physically aggressive towards transgender women, or have actively gone to public areas where transgender people are known to be, in order to tease, insult or make rude gestures at them.
Pressure to be ‘manly’
The survey found that 90% of the boys experienced ‘gender policing’, and the most common forms of such pressure are being told to “man-up” and to “take it like a man”.
Strikingly, boys who have been pressured to be more gender-conforming were four times more likely to commit violence against and six times more likely to experience violence from other boys, and to have lower self-esteem.
“There’s an overwhelming connection between boys facing pressure to be ‘manly’ and boys using physical violence as well as verbal and social cruelty on one another,” said Jolene Tan, Head of Advocacy and Research at AWARE. “Parents and teachers need to reflect: when we tell boys to ‘take it like a man’ or ‘stop being a girl’, we are perpetuating a pattern of violence. The education system, too, needs to step in: by actively facilitating conversations about the harms of gender stereotypes, and promoting the values of equality, diversity and respect.”
Said Daryl Yam, one of the panelists at the roundtable for the survey findings, “I was subject to a fair deal of bullying as a kid. Teachers and classmates openly taunted me for being a ‘gu niang’ or an ‘ah gua’, and it had a twisted effect on my personality, and my ability to form friendships with people. It led to very self-destructive behaviour, and the only thing it taught me was that masculinity – this constant pressure to be ‘a man’ – was an ideal that constantly led to ruin.”
The survey findings will be presented at a roundtable happening on 12 July (Wednesday), led by a panel comprising AWARE’s research team, together with Benny Bong, a counsellor and anti-violence advocate; Sherry Sherqueshaa, researcher and writer at Project X, a sex workers’ rights group; and Daryl Yam, a writer and editor who will be sharing more about his experience of violence in school.
Other significant results from the survey include:
Some boys who were seen as ‘weak’ and ‘girly’ were reported to be sexually abused: One respondent reported that these boys “were raped”, while another said, “They (were) touched inappropriately to make them cry.”
Boys who were seen as ‘weak’ or ‘girly’ were socially excluded: Said one respondent, “They were socially outcasted [sic] by most of the people they met and had little or no good friends around them.” Another said, “They were not included in sports, projects and outings. Also, they would be a hot topic to speak about when everyone is bored.”
Violence experienced by boys who were seen as ‘weak’ and ‘girly’ is normalised and trivialised: Said one respondent, “If they said how they felt when someone insulted them, they would say to take it like a man and stop being such a girl.”
any parents are not aware that taking their own child to another country without the consent of the other parent could be viewed as “abduction” under the Hague Convention. Since Singapore became a signatory in 2010, the 1980 multilateral treaty has been a source of struggle for a number of often unsuspecting foreign spouses here. 
In collaboration with DOT (Daughters of Tomorrow), GEC (Gender Equality is Our Culture) held our Hari Raya celebration on 24 July, with plenty of food, fun, games and friends. The celebration kicked off with a quick game of Human Bingo followed by a talk by guest speaker, Ms Shereen Williams who was 
Around 40 people, almost half of whom were men, gathered at the AWARE Centre on the evening of 12 July to bring to light their struggles with deeply ingrained gender norms. These norms expect boys to be “manly”, and penalise those who are unable to earn or prove their masculinity through bullying, harassment, teasing and physical violence.