May* is a Singapore PR, who has been living and working in Singapore for ten years. She was married to a Singaporean before getting divorced. They have a child together, also a Singaporean, who now lives with May.
May’s citizenship and marital status limit her housing options. As her child is only five years old, she cannot buy a house from HDB with his name. As a single non-citizen, her only option is to buy a private property, which she cannot afford.
Currently, she is renting from the open market. Having to pay for monthly rental, and other fees (medical, insurance…) that come with raising a child on a single income, May is starting to feel the financial strain. Furthermore, she felt that there was no stability in relying on renting. May and her child have already moved twice in two years, and she would like to settle down at one place once her child starts going to school.
May tried to apply for citizenship two years ago, but was rejected. The ICA officer handling her appeal told her to either get a job that pays at least $3,500 or to “go and marry again lah”. May thought that neither suggestion was particularly helpful since she would have to seek a pay rise of more than $1,000 and to suggest that she simply find another man to marry was hurtful.
Seeking assistance from her MP also yielded no success. Unless she obtains citizenship or until her child turns 21 years old, May does not really have any other option but to continue renting from the open market. However, this is a financially draining arrangement which she hopes can change.
Hear author Choo Wai Hong share about her adventures and life in the matriarchal Mosuo community.
Can you imagine a world where power lies in the hands of the women? Where families follow maternal bloodlines, and there is no need for fatherhood? This lies hidden in the remote mountains of China. In a mist-shrouded valley on China’s invisible border with Tibet is a place known as the ‘Kingdom of Women’, where a small tribe called the Mosuo lives. As one of the last matrilineal and matriarchal societies on earth, their way of life teeters on the knife-edge of extinction.
Wai Hong shares about her incredible six years in the Mosuo community, in a talk about her newly-published book, The Kingdom of Women – Life, Love and Death in China’s Hidden Mountains.
Date: 23 August 2017 Time: 7pm Venue: AWARE Centre, 5 Dover Crescent #01-22
Love Ball 2017 is set to be a fun-filled night – and YOU can get involved! The fundraising gala is happening on Friday, September 8 from 6.30pm to 11pm at The St Regis, and we need you to help us make it a success.
This year, we are seeking to raise $300,000 to support the expansion of the AWARE Helpline and other critical services that have helped more than 25,000 women in the last 25 years, in addition to our usual programmes and services.
Volunteers will be required to attend a briefing session at the AWARE Centre, and we have two dates for you to choose from: Friday, 1 September or Monday, 4 September, from 7pm – 8.30pm. Light refreshments will be provided.
If you enjoy interacting with people, and the minute by minute excitement of delivering a memorable event, then we want you to be an important part of our fundraising Gala Dinner!
In 2015, 162 rapes were reported to the police in Singapore. While low numbers of sexual crimes may seem like a good thing, in reality, that can mask the fact that many survivors simply do not report their assault.
The Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC), Singapore’s only specialised centre for sexual assault survivors, found that approximately seven in 10 clients who reached out for help last year did not make police reports.
Recently, the state has taken welcome steps to improve the process of reporting sexual crimes to address this problem of under-reporting. The recent proposed changes to the Criminal Procedure Code (CPC) and Evidence Act would ensure protection from publicity the moment a sexual offence is reported, with a gag order on the survivor’s name – putting to bed a common concern many survivors have about exposure of their case through the media.
But so much more can be done to address the major concerns many survivors have about reporting, including fear that they lack evidence of the assault, and unsupportive reactions from friends and family.
Because most survivors know their perpetrators, “evidence” in sexual assault is not just about proving injury or weapon use, or bringing forward eyewitnesses of the assault. They would also have to rely heavily on their memory, which adds to the fears many may have about reporting.
For example, many survivors freeze during the ordeal and are not able to fight or seek help immediately. Questions like “Why didn’t you fight back or scream?” or “If you didn’t want sex, why didn’t you leave?” are common, and when survivors are put through such inquiries, it can add to the confusion and guilt they may already be feeling.
Moreover, no two people respond to assault in the same way – some may visibly show that they are upset or angry, and some may not – but all reactions are valid. Survivors may grapple with their own memory of the experience, knowledge of the details, self-doubt, or feel immense guilt or shame. All of this adds to the distress of making a decision to report.
Jo (not her real name), a client of SACC, shared how she was “in a dilemma about reporting”, that she “lost clarity” of her experience after months of struggling to accept the assault, and managed to break through the fog in her memory only with the support of a friend. She said: “Those images and thoughts that I pushed away were popping up all over the place in my head, disorganised and unwanted. It was a struggle. All I wanted was to organise them so that I could somehow detach emotions and work things out logically, so that I could be clear and prepare a report.”
Another difficulty is when the criminal justice system – and wider society – expect sexual assault survivors to report their cases immediately. Sometimes, when they do step forward, their delays in reporting are used against them.
Take for example a recent court case where a man was acquitted of sexually assaulting a 15-year-old girl. The court, in acquitting the accused, found that the victim was not “prompt in her complaints” and “there were no reasons for her not to confide in members of her family”.
Such assumptions ignore the reality of what survivors struggle with and the psychological impact of trauma. When we question the validity of what survivors can recall or invalidate their experience because of when they chose to speak up, we risk discouraging and disempowering them further.
JO (not her real name), who shared how she was “in a dilemma about reporting”, that she “lost clarity” of her experience after months of struggling to accept the assault, and managed to break through the fog in her memory only with the support of a friend.
By taking into account the well-established realities of sexual assault, first responders such as police officers, doctors, counsellors, friends and family can ensure that survivors receive the help they need when they do choose to speak out.
Many survivors worry how family and friends would react. Some may even fear how others would be emotionally affected by the knowledge of their assault. SACC clients have shared how their own families have responded with disbelief, judgment, resentment or discouraging comments. To encourage reporting, we all need to better recognise how social attitudes and fear of victim-blaming can affect survivors’ willingness to report.
Concerned friends and loved ones can effectively support survivors with a simple “It’s not your fault”, offer resources for counselling or accompany them to make a report or seek medical help.
The authorities have a responsibility to proactively provide referrals to counsellors and agencies such as SACC to support the survivor mentally and emotionally as well.
The problem of under-reporting is not one that can be solved with a few changes to court procedures. At the crux of it, we need to tackle our social attitudes and understanding of sexual assault and how survivors are affected. Our words and actions can create a culture where survivors receive the compassion and protection they deserve.
We warmly invite you to join us for this dialogue session to find out more about the role that technology plays in cases of sexual assault, its legal implications, and strategies for online safety.
Date: 30 August 2017, Wednesday Time: 7pm Venue: SCWO Function Room, 96 Waterloo St, S187967
Please note that representatives of the media will be required to identify themselves prior to the event, and no photos/videos are allowed without explicit consent. We welcome reporting on the points and issues raised, but no names and identities should be included.
About the speakers:
Dr Laura Vitis is a Lecturer in Criminology in the University of Liverpool in Singapore. Her research examines gender, technology and violence; risk and sexual offences and media in the criminal justice system.
Tan Jin Song is a lawyer and Criminal and Family law are among his main areas of practice. He also volunteers at the legal clinic with the Sexual Assault Care Center to help victims understand better their options in seeking redress.
Ng Yi Ling is an Information Security professional with a global Fortune 500 bank. Throughout her 14-year career, she has dabbled in both the mundane (but necessary) and exciting parts of IS. Cybersecurity is, by far, the most fascinating domain that she has had the privilege of experiencing and working on to date – the consistently random evolution of cyber threats and countermeasures, facts and myths, and depth of skills and knowledge in play juxtaposed with a breadth of barely-there visibility. She claims no expertise or mastery in this field but believes in the maxim that “Information is King; Knowledge is Power” and that through sharing and working together as a community, cybersecurity preparedness will cease to be a case of “what” but “when.”
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact Xiu Xuan at wecan@aware.org.sg
We will be conducting an interviewing skills workshop for those of you who would like to interview your older female relatives for Growing Up Perempuan. We strongly encourage you to attend this workshop if you plan to interview your older female relatives for the book.
If you are unable to attend this workshop, do let us know by replying to this email (gec@aware.org.sg).
Note: This workshop is only for those who would like to contribute a story to Growing Up Perempuan. For more information about the book and criteria for submissions, click here.
Date & Time
Thursday, 24 Aug, 7-9pm. Venue
Aware centre, Blk 5 Dover Crescent #01-22 S130005.
Light refreshments will be provided.
Many parents are not aware that taking their own child to another country without the consent of the other parent could be viewed as “abduction” under the Hague Convention. Since Singapore became a signatory in 2010, the 1980 multilateral treaty has been a source of struggle for a number of often unsuspecting foreign spouses here.
AWARE encounters some of these cases through the Helpline, often from women who are trapped in abusive marriages but are unable to return to their country of origin with their children. “We’re bringing together all these experiences, not just for legal information sharing, but to also understand the realities of people going through this situation.” said Lim Xiu Xuan, Community Engagement Executive of AWARE.
These experiences were brought to light when 30 people gathered at the AWARE centre on the evening of 27 July to learn more about the Hague Convention and the legal options available to affected spouses.
The roundtable opened with guest speaker Ms Lim’s sharing of her courage to leave her abusive husband to return to her country of origin with her child. However, her first exposure to Hague Convention was with shock and panic. Following legal advice, she left the country with her child to escape the abuse but later discovered from another lawyer that she had to return her child back to where her spouse resided, otherwise she would be deemed as a criminal under the Hague Convention.
Ms Lim highlighted that in many cases, people like herself who may be affected by the Hague Convention were not aware of its existence. Not only is the word ‘abduction’ under the Convention archaic, the accusation further intimidates women who are already in such vulnerable situations. She pointed out that there should be measures in place to avoid unintentionally getting into trouble and more public education on the Hague Convention.
When participants were invited to share their experiences, the unique vulnerability of foreign spouses emerged as an especially salient issue that compounded the effects of the Hague Convention. The group shared more about the financial dependency and struggles that came with their immigration status, the need for protection of women in such vulnerable situations, and the inaccessibility of free legal clinics in Singapore for foreign spouses.
Guest speakers for the talk, Ms. June Lim from Eden Law Corporation and Ms Susan Tay from OTP Law Corporation, shared information about the different aspects of Hague convention and introduced Project Relocation, an initiative between their respective law firms to provide accessible legal help to foreign spouses seeking to return to their countries with their children. Participants were also given a step-by-step guide on how they could apply to Project Relocation and the kind of help they would receive.
Corinna Lim, Executive Director of AWARE, reassured participants that their foreign citizenship would not undermine AWARE’s determination to support them. AWARE plans to raise more awareness on the Convention and provide educational resources and guides for foreign spouses in Singapore. Those interested to be part of this working group can write to wecan@aware.org.sg.
If you are contemplating leaving the country with your children, and are unsure about whether you can do so, please call the AWARE Helpline at 1800 777 5555 to arrange for a legal information session.
This piece delves into the guest speaker’s experience of Islamaphobic hate crimes.
In collaboration with DOT (Daughters of Tomorrow), GEC (Gender Equality is Our Culture) held our Hari Raya celebration on 24 July, with plenty of food, fun, games and friends. The celebration kicked off with a quick game of Human Bingo followed by a talk by guest speaker, Ms Shereen Williams who was recently made an Honorary Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) – an award conferred to individuals for their outstanding achievement or service to the community.
Having left Singapore 12 years ago, Ms Shereen is currently a regional community cohesion coordinator in Newport and Monmouthshire (East Gwent), Wales. She first spoke about the difficulties she had when she moved there, from learning new bus routes to dealing with the challenges of being a visible minority – one of which was becoming a victim of Islamaphobic attacks. In one particular incident, she was sitting on a park bench waiting for her husband when a group of children spat at her. She recounted another harrowing experience of conducting a social experiment as part of a BBC documentary called ‘White, Welsh and Muslim’: she had worn a niqab for a day and someone had commented that if he had a gun, he’d shoot her. Ms Shereen shared how there was a difference in her experiences of being a minority both in Wales and Singapore. She felt that in Singapore, she was more sheltered from such aggressive acts of racism, while it was the contrary in Wales with the rise of Islamaphobia.
Her experience working with the diverse Muslim community in the United Kingdom (UK) also made her more aware of how patriarchy and misogyny were deeply ingrained in practices and culture globally. For example, in many families, honour is still placed on the shoulders of girls and women. In instances where this honour has been “besmirched”, it is common for acts of violence to be committed against them.
Participants were kept glued to their seats as Ms Shereen went on to share about her work with Muslim communities in the UK. When she spoke about how an Islamic scholar had chastised her for working on a marital rape case, citing the reason that it’s haram (forbidden), there was outcry from the audience. She encouraged participants to seize opportunities and to be brave when facing hardships.
The group also discussed how to support victims of abusive relationships and domestic violence, including how they can safely step in and ensure the victims’ safety while still prioritising the victims’ agency. Violence against women remains a pressing issue in Singapore. It becomes even more complex when it is intertwined with the traditional practices and culture of the community, emphasising the need to challenge harmful gender roles and stereotypes that perpetuate such violence.
The Hari Raya celebration ended on a great note, with a series of trivia games on classic Malay films and popular Hari Raya songs, with participants laughing gleefully at comedic P. Ramlee movie scenes and singing along to the tunes of Siti Nurhaliza among many others. All in all, an inspiring, informative and engaging event for the whole GEC community – thank you to everyone who made it possible!
By Filzah Sumartono (GEC coordinator) & Firqin Sumartono
A version of this article was published in Karyawanmagazine.
Illustrated by Wan Xiang Lee
More women are entering into the public sphere in contemporary societies than they have before. However, events such as the Women’s March in January 2017 continue to highlight the frustrations that women feel: that despite the progress they have achieved, struggles continue over gender roles, sexuality and representation as still many women around the world have not achieved parity and equity at every level of society.
In Singapore, Malay women are increasingly pursuing higher education, achieving management positions and taking on more leadership roles. Many are also contributing financially to the household, some are even the main breadwinner of a household, on top of performing their traditionally subscribed caregiving and housekeeping roles. One would think that changes in the socioeconomic realities of a Malay household in Singapore would entail a corresponding change in the ideas of what it means to be a woman or a man in today’s contemporary society. However, Malay women still find themselves, overtly or otherwise, subjected to longstanding cultural ideas of gender roles and gender-related expectations that restrict and hold back their progress and potential.
The Kitchen and Office
Despite having made significant progress in education and at the workplace, the marker of ideal womanhood for Malay women is still highly dependent on marriage and motherhood. Single, unmarried women wishing to pursue a PhD or focus on their career development are commonly dissuaded on the basis that by the time they obtain that doctorate or career success, they will be labelled an “anak dara tua”. This term carries the stigma of an old maid, with few prospective partners. Additionally, her “over-qualification” brings about the concern of intimidating potential suitors. Successful role models in the community are often one-sided representations of married women who are outstandingly capable of fulfilling the duties of the kitchen and office. However, women like world-renowned architect, the late Zaha Hadid, who conceptualised Singapore’s One-North and remained unmarried until her passing, have shown that having an alternative life trajectory can be equally celebrated. Thereby, showing that women are responsible agents of their futures and their identity should not be dictated by their marital status.
Within the family, rigid gender roles that marked the households of our foremothers remain largely dominant. Women are expected to take on the primary roles of caregiving, extending from childcare, elderly care to the physical space of the home itself. This is on top of holding full-time jobs and contributing to the household income, a role traditionally designated to the husband. A 2013 survey on social attitudes of Singaporeans done by the Ministry of Social and Family Development showed that women spent overwhelmingly more time on household affairs such as caregiving and chores than their spouses did. Hence, while the role of women has greatly diversified in today’s society, this same diversification is slow to catch on among the populace. Current policies such as the short period of paternal leave fathers receive, do little to encourage or allow men to shoulder more caregiving roles. This results in most women having to bear the responsibility of homemaker and caregiver alone. The 2015 General Household Survey found that 50.4% of Malay women are economically inactive compared to the national rate of 40.9%. 78% of women in general, aged 25 to 54 who are economically inactive choose to remain so due to family responsibilities, namely housework, childcare or caregiving to families or relatives.This leaves many women financially dependent on their husbands or male relatives and is a contributing factor to the lower economic profile of the community. For women to continue to progress in the workforce, there must be more policies that encourage gender equality and a renegotiation of gender roles at home.
Progress, yet violence against women continues
The unequal power dynamics of gender relations in the household, despite it being nuanced and subtle, can have disastrous effects on the community. In the 2013 International Violence Against Women Survey conducted in Singapore, nearly 1 in 10 of the female respondents surveyed experienced at least one incident of violence by a man in their adult lifetime. The Sexual Assault Care Centre saw 338 cases in 2016, an increase of 26% from the previous year. Additionally, PAVE, a protection specialist centre in Singapore, reported that victims of domestic violence from the Malay community are overrepresented. There is a strong link between attitudes towards violence and attitudes towards gender. Traditional gender roles and notions have been the most consistent predictor of attitudes supporting violence against women. Studies have shown that there is a correlation between men’s adherence to sexist, patriarchal, and/or sexually hostile attitudes and the likelihood of being violent against women, while women who express traditional gender role attitudes are less likely to report violence and abuse by their partners.
A video taken during a marriage preparation event that went viral recently, showed a religious teacher propagating the idea that women should be of service to their husband. This severely undermines a woman’s autonomy within the household and promoted unequal relationships within the marriage. Arguably, the most disturbing was that it seems to condone physical domestic violence in the form of assault and wrongful confinement as justified responses to adultery committed by wives. Unfortunately, religion is often used as the rationale for these beliefs despite the fact that leading religious scholars have repeatedly declared that domestic violence is not acceptable in Islam. The community must continue to recognise and consistently reject attitudes that excuse and enable violence. Dismissing this incident as just an isolated case is extremely naïve because these ideas, which threaten equality, respect and life itself, are not as uncommon as we may think.
What next?
It is important that we do not dismiss these as “women’s” issues or “gender” issues. Labelling them as such would only distant ourselves and propagate the idea that it is irrelevant to our brothers in the community. Men, such as those who have been appointed, or self-appointed, as head of their household or as leaders of the community, also have a part to play in challenging and debunking myths of male superiority and stereotypes of masculinities that serve to perpetuate violence against women. Furthermore, Minister for Social and Family Development, Mr Tan Chuan-Jin, mentioned in his speech that “violence against women is unequivocally wrong” and we should work towards “a more equal society”,. To do this, we need seismic shifts in our community’s perception of gender roles. Such a change cannot happen if women work on these issues alone. It is a reality that currently, more men are in leadership and positions of influence compared to women in Singapore. Therefore, we need more men on board prioritising these issues and working towards a culture of gender equality. After all, an egalitarian community is a marker of a progressive and inclusive one.
It is also imperative that we have more discussions on gender relations within the Muslim family. Gender equality and justice is not a foreign concept to the history of Muslims. Prophet Muhammad himself has helped out with household chores and his first wife Khadijah was a very successful business entrepreneur. In a talk conducted by the Association of Women for Action and Research on marriage education in June 2017, some of the male participants spoke out about the need for more gender equal relations within the family; that it is important for men to also carry the responsibility of the mental load of managing the household and caregiving, a task usually relegated to the women. Other examples that have encouraged conversations about gender roles within the community is the anthology, Perempuan: Muslim Women in Singapore Speak Out, a compilation of essays and poems written by Muslim women in Singapore. These stories introduced alternative narratives that challenge conventional ideas of the role of women in the society.
Even though these harmful ideas of gender roles are not specific to our community alone, they are deeply entrenched ideas justified and perpetuated by problematic patriarchal interpretations of religion and prevailing cultural norms. By using religion and tradition to rationalise these ideas, many have not questioned or challenged them. We assume we have progressed in gender equality, when in reality, we are still subjected to the same restrictive norms as our foremothers. Conversations about Malay women’s role in Singapore are sorely needed. However, the battle for parity needs that revolutionary courage to speak out against injustices in society. Moving forward, we need a paradigm shift in our ideas of gender roles so as not to limit the potential of our future selves and the next generation, who deserve to be free.
Filzah Sumartono works at The Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) as Project Coordinator for the community engagement project called “Gender Equality Is Our Culture” which works to reclaim culture as gender-equitable. Filzah also conducts workshops on sexual health, consent and healthy relationships. She also advocates for an end to the practice of sunat perempuan.
Firqin Sumartono is a recent linguistics graduate and currently works in research on projects related to society and languages. Her ongoing study looks at the evolving speech patterns of the Singaporean Malay community. Her research interests include sociolinguistics, bilingualism and language planning and policies.
May* is a Singapore PR, who has been living and working in Singapore for ten years. She was married to a Singaporean before getting divorced. They have a child together, also a Singaporean, who now lives with May.
In 2015, 162 rapes were reported to the police in Singapore. While low numbers of sexual crimes may seem like a good thing, in reality, that can mask the fact that many survivors simply do not report their assault.
any parents are not aware that taking their own child to another country without the consent of the other parent could be viewed as “abduction” under the Hague Convention. Since Singapore became a signatory in 2010, the 1980 multilateral treaty has been a source of struggle for a number of often 
In collaboration with DOT (Daughters of Tomorrow), GEC (Gender Equality is Our Culture) held our Hari Raya celebration on 24 July, with plenty of food, fun, games and friends. The celebration kicked off with a quick game of Human Bingo followed by a talk by guest speaker, Ms Shereen Williams who was 