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Year: 2017

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Let’s Talk: Parent fleeing Singapore with their children: Is this ‘abduction’ under the Hague Convention?

 Jo wants to take her child out of Singapore without the permission of her spouse. She is unsure if she can move to another country, and is worried if this would be seen as “abducting” or “kidnapping” her own child.

Imagine these scenarios where Jo is:

A. a victim of domestic violence and fears for the safety of herself and her child 
B. a foreign spouse who wants to return to home country with her child 
C. separating from the spouse (with or without divorce) and wants to move to another country together with her child 
D. an unmarried mother of a child born to a Singaporean and wants to leave the country with her child 

Can she leave together with her child in any of these scenarios? Can the left-behind parent ask for the child to be returned under the Hague Abduction Convention?

If these situations apply to you or someone you know, or if you are a social worker or a working professional supporting this group of individuals, come find out more about the Hague Convention and what you can do.

Date: Wed 26 July 2017
Time: 7pm
Venue: AWARE Centre, 5 Dover Crescent #01-22, S 130005
REGISTER HERE

Light refreshments will be served
Childcare can be arranged – please email wecan@aware.org.sg with number of children and their ages, by 24 July

Joining us to speak at this session are two lawyers, June Lim and Susan Tay, who will share more about their knowledge on the Hague Convention as well as an initiative – Project Relocation. Project Relocation is a PracticeForte project in collaboration with their respective law firms to provide accessible legal help to spouses trying to relocate with their children.

Representatives of the media will be required to identify themselves prior to the event, and no photos/videos are allowed without explicit consent.  We welcome reporting on the points and issues raised, but no names and identities should be included.

About the speakers: 

June Lim is the Managing Director of Eden Law Corporation, a ‘low-bono’ law firm founded on June’s firm belief that doing good and a successful legal practice are not mutually exclusive concepts. Professionally, June has been involved in litigation at all levels of the Singapore Courts, although her principal area of practice has been in the area of matrimonial law. June represented the successful German father in BDU v. BDT [2014] SGCA 12, the first case decided in Singapore under the International Child Abduction Act.

Susan Tay is the Managing Partner at OTP Law Corporation. With an experience spanning 27 years, Susan has kept focused in the areas of family and matrimonial law, shareholders’ disputes and litigation. Calling on the amalgamation of her experience in both family and property law, Susan has also served clients in complex work in the area of Trust Law. In this aspect, Susan collaborates with other professional affiliates in the PracticeForte Advisory to provide counsel in the formation of family trusts. Susan has also assisted and led contentious litigation matters in the disentangling of family feuds for trust properties.

Ramadan Talks: How do gender roles shape Muslim families?

By Nurin Adila Shahrin, GEC volunteer

GEC (Gender Equality is Our Culture) kick-started this year’s Ramadan Talks with an exploration of marriage education and gender roles in Islamic families. We had the pleasure of hosting Associate Professor Maznah Mohamad and Dr. Suriani Suratman from NUS, together with research assistant Fadiah Johari, who presented findings from their ongoing research on the curriculum of marriage preparatory courses in Malaysia and Singapore.

A general theme that echoes throughout these courses is how responsibilities and expectations are different for husbands and wives. Some courses highlighted how the husband has to provide maintenance, protection, accommodation and security for the wife, while the wife is expected to beautify herself for the husband, protect the dignity and property of her husband, manage the house and children’s education, as well as obey her husband in all matters except those against Islamic laws.

There are some aspects in the local course curriculum that seek to promote an egalitarian outlook. One particular provider drew attention to how families can be financially disadvantaged if they strictly complied with the belief that the husband should be the sole breadwinner.

Participants spoke about the importance of understanding that gender roles are not fixed but should be discussed and negotiated within the families contextually. One astutely mentioned that it’s not about the husband merely “helping” the wife with chores but also bearing an equal share of the mental load of managing the household.

They also eagerly shared examples of less traditional gender roles within Islamic families – such as how the Prophet also did housework and how Khadijah, the first wife of the Prophet, was a very successful entrepreneur.

Others recommended stronger protections of women’s rights in marriage by adding on stipulations to the marriage contract. They also reiterated the view that tackling gender inequality also starts with the family  – children should be raised without the imposition of gender stereotypes and gender roles. Participants also hoped that marriage preparatory courses in future could focus on the responsibilities of being a couple as a whole rather than dividing responsibilities based on gender.

Gender roles and stereotypes can lead to detrimental consequences. The assumption that men must be dominant and authoritative while women must be passive and submissive is often used as justifications for acts of violence against women. From the discussion, we see it remains, as always, important to constantly promote gender relations that emphasises equality and respect within families.

[Mid-year Update]: Making Women’s Lives Better, Thanks to You

It’s only June, but we’ve already had a fantastic (and busy!) 2017 campaigning for housing for single parents, and advocating for the abolition of “illegitimacy” and marital rape immunity.

We launched “Building Dreams” to help under-privileged women secure employment. And our Helpline turns 25, helping more than 25,000 women.

It’s because of your generosity that we are able to make women’s lives better. From all our clients and our staff – THANK YOU!

You helped train and put lower-income women in jobs

We launched our “Building Dreams” programme to help under-privileged women find employment in the Eldercare and other sectors. So far, we have placed:

  • over 100 mothers in Job Readiness and Eldercare Training Programmes to upgrade their skills and increase their confidence, and

  • over 20 women in employment.

This would not be possible without our strong partnership with Daughters Of Tomorrow (DOT) and the generosity of J.P. Morgan, our corporate sponsor for the Eldercare programme!   

You’ve helped to support: Nora, a 27-year-old mother of two. She resigned from her job as a childcare teacher due to a difficult pregnancy. Spotting her talent in crafting, DOT found a match for her with LOOMS, a social enterprise for women to create handmade accessories. From the confidence she gained there and training with DOT, she successfully landed a stable front-desk job at a local hotel.

Helpline turns 25, providing support for over 25,000 women!

In 1992, Singapore’s only women’s Helpline service was born in an old shop house on Race Course Road. Since then, we have responded to thousands of calls for help, and provided callers with further support through counselling, legal advice sessions and support groups. These services have helped our callers cope with their immediate crisis and eventually regain control over their lives.

Said one support group client: “Every week I learnt something about myself and others on this journey. It filled the gaps and I found the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that I had been searching for! Being present and physically participating each week was invaluable.”

(Image) Support Services ad from the 1990s   

You’ve helped to support: Amanda, a client who went through divorce. When faced with divorce, Amanda who had been a stay-at-home mum for years was distressed about her housing situation and losing custody of her children. She felt much better after speaking to our Helpliner, lawyer and counsellor. Soon after, she joined our Divorce Support Group, where she became a mentor and an inspiration to other women going through similar struggles.

You fought for single parents’ access to housing

For many single parents in Singapore, finding a home is an arduous journey due to discriminatory HDB policies. Over the last two years, with your support, we’ve been tirelessly pushing for changes to housing policies for unwed and divorced parents.

We released a study of 55 single mothers’ challenges with public housing, followed by a high impact advocacy campaign using comics,  infographics, videos and our current petition.

Single parents spoke openly about their frustrations with inadequate housing policies at our May dialogue. Rachel, an attendee and single mother, said “I also had to endure years of an abusive marriage just because they had a ridiculous law barring divorcees or singles under 35 from buying their own place. I think (AWARE is) doing a great job in highlighting the plight of the single parents having to go through all the unnecessary hurdles. Kudos!”

Join over 6,000 supporters and sign our petition (closing 1 July) urging concrete changes to housing policies so they are more inclusive of single-parent families!
 

You empowered survivors of sexual assault 

Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) turns three this year! Thousands of survivors of sexual assault have had a safe space to turn to thanks to our holistic services specially catered for them. This year, we are working with the Police to develop a training video, to strengthen police officers’ understanding of victim experiences. The video will feature victims’ voices testifying on their experiences with the police, and provide a unique insight into their perspectives.

(Image) AWARE staff wearing purple for Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April

 

How else can you support us?

Our big annual gala event, Love Ball, will be happening on Friday, 8 September 2017 at St Regis! Join us for a fun-filled evening to celebrate our achievements in paving the way for gender equality in Singapore.

Catalyse Consulting provides consulting and training on unconscious bias, diversity and inclusion and managing workplace harassment. Promote safer and fairer workplaces – Bring us into your workplaces or tell others about us. Contact catalyse@aware.org.sg.

DONATE  .  VOLUNTEER  . BE A MEMBER
2016 Annual Report  . 2016 Financial Statement

We look forward to your generous support in the second half of 2017!

Let’s Talk: Take it like a man – How teenage boys use violence to enforce gender norms

The recent horrific murder of Malaysian teenager T. Nhaveen puts a spotlight on how expectations of ‘manliness’ imposed on young boys can lead to violent and tragic consequences. Such dynamics are playing out every day in Singapore, too. A new survey has shown that bullying and pressure to conform to gender norms are a significant part of teenage boys’ experiences growing up. 90% of respondents face pressures to be ‘manly’, which materialise through experiences of harassment, bullying, teasing, social exclusion, and psychological and physical violence.

The study surveyed 809 male respondents across JCs, Polytechnics and ITEs, ages 17 to 18, who reflected on their experiences during secondary school. The study is a a collaboration between AWARE and Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s Diploma in Psychology Studies programme

Join us for a dialogue session where we will present the findings of this survey.

Date: 12 July 2017 (Wednesday)
Time: 7pm
Venue: AWARE Centre (5 Dover Crescent #01-22)

Register here 

Leading the panel will be AWARE’s research team, together with Benny Bong, a counsellor and anti-violence advocate; Sherry Sherqueshaa, researcher and writer at Project X, a sex workers’ rights group; and Daryl Yam, a writer and editor who will be sharing more about his experience of violence in school.

About the speakers

Daryl Qilin Yam is a writer of prose and poetry, a co-editor of the SingPoWriMo anthology series by Math Paper Press, and an arts organiser at the literary non-profit Sing Lit Station. His first novel, Kappa Quartet (Epigram Books, 2016), was longlisted for the 2015 Epigram Books Fiction Prize and named a Best Book of 2016 by The Business Times.

Benny Bong is the director and principal consultant of The Family Therapist. He has over 30 years of working experience as a counsellor, Lecturer and trainer. He also has a long history with working against violence in the home. He is a founding member of Society Against Family Violence, non-profit organization of over twenty years, and serves as its current President. For his community efforts, Benny was awarded the Friend of MCYS award in 2007 and is appointed as a Master Practise Leader, in the field of Social Work. Benny was the first recipient of the AWARE Hero Award in 2011 for his work in preventing family violence and violence against women.

Sherry Sherqueshaa is a 26-year-old Singaporean transgender woman and a researcher and writer at Project X. She was a freelance expert in secret affairs, and also the Youth Programme Coordinator for Project X from September 2014 – October 2015. In November 2016, she took on a role as ​Project X’s researcher and writer. She has attended meetings and events regarding laws and sex worker issues in Singapore and also in Thailand. She then shares this knowledge and information to her peers during outreach and community events. Sherry has compiled a zine of sex workers’ writings and drawings which is now available at ​the Project X store. ​

Single parents need homes, too: Marie’s story

Single parents in Singapore grapple with a myriad of problems and restrictive rules when it comes to meeting a basic need – housing. Think this should change? Sign our petition urging changes to housing rules for single-parent families. Read more about our recommendations for how policies should be more inclusive of single parent families.

Below is Marie’s story on her experiences with HDB when she tried applying for housing.

Marie* is a divorced mother with a five-year-old son, whose biological father is not Marie’s ex-spouse. While married, Marie and her ex-spouse applied for a Sales of Balance flat. They collected the keys in 2012 but never moved in, because they filed for separation shortly after.

During their divorce proceedings, Marie and her ex-spouse appealed to HDB to let Marie keep the flat, since she has care and control of her son. HDB rejected this appeal on the basis that Marie was not yet 35 years old at that point, and so could not qualify to retain the flat under the Singles Scheme. According to them, there was no category she fell under in order to be eligible to own the flat.

In the end, her ex-spouse appealed to retain the flat and he succeeded, as he was above 35 years old. Marie found this to be a double standard and deeply unfair as it did not make sense that just because he was above 35 years old, he could qualify to keep the flat under the Singles Scheme – despite not fulfilling other criteria under the scheme – while she and her child could not. He was earning above the income cap and the flat was bigger than a two-room flat offered under the Singles Scheme.

Marie’s lawyer advised her against fighting over the flat ownership, as it would only prolong the divorce proceedings and the chances of success were slim. She then had to proceed with the divorce without being able to retain the flat.

When Marie tried to apply for a flat under the Singles Scheme in 2016, she was rejected as she was not yet 35 years old and was earning above the income cap. To consider her appeal, HDB requested a few documents including a Statutory Declaration stating that she was not cohabiting with the biological father of her child, and a social assessment report on her family situation. Marie was frustrated that she had to go through the trouble of getting these documents when HDB already knew that she did not fulfill their criteria and had then just been through a difficult divorce.

Even when she turns 35 years old next year, Marie does not think she will qualify because of her income. HDB said that she could purchase a resale flat instead, which Marie found to be unaffordable since she is now taking care of not only her son, but also her elderly parents who were no longer working, and herself. She also did not have the cash required to purchase a resale flat.

Marie sought the help of several MPs, including a Minister. The Minister said that he would write an appeal to HDB to allow her and her son to qualify under the family nucleus. However, HDB replied to that appeal saying that she failed to qualify under the Singles Scheme. Marie believed that HDB misinterpreted the Minister’s appeal letter, as the appeal was specifically about family nucleus and not about allowing her to buy a flat under the Singles Scheme.

Marie and her son are currently living in her parents’ four-room flat, together with her parents and brother. Marie and her son are sharing a room, but she is worried about the eventual lack of space and privacy when her son grows up. Furthermore, there are tensions between Marie and her parents, who disapprove of divorce and blamed her for being in the situation she is currently in. She does not want her child to grow up in such an environment. Marie wants a healthy, stable environment for her son to grow up in, through having a place of their own.

*Pseudonym

Remittance: A film screening in celebration of International Domestic Workers Day

Nearly 240,000 women – majority from Indonesia and the Philippines – leave their homes in search of a better life for themselves and their families. On top of difficult working conditions, domestic workers also struggle to maintain connections with their families and lives back home.
In celebration of International Domestic Workers Day (IDWD), AWARE is partnering with Aidha, HOME and Singapore Committee for UN Women to screen Remittance, a powerful film telling the story of Marie, a foreign domestic worker in Singapore, and her struggles to cope with demanding employers, long hours of work and separation from her family. The film also explores the transformations that Marie goes through as she balances conflicting obligations and aspirations.
Join us to celebrate IDWD and learn more about the lives and struggles of foreign domestic workers in Singapore. The screening will be held at Shaw Theatres Lido on two dates, Sun 18 June (registration closed), 3pm & Wed 5 July, 7pm, which will be followed by a short discussion. We welcome your friends, family, and colleagues to join us!
Entry is FREE for Foreign Domestic Workers. Please see below to register:

Entry is $15 for public. Please purchase tickets here: https://goo.gl/0kh3m4

Note: Pre-Registration is required as seats are limited – so do not wait to register or purchase your tickets and come on time to grab your seats (free-seating)! See you there!

Jointly organised by Aidha, AWARE, HOME and Singapore Committee for UN Women. This event is generously sponsored by Mastercard.

Please contact Xiu Xuan at wecan@aware.org.sg if you have any questions.
We look forward to seeing you!

A single mother’s perspectives on housing rules

Rachel is a divorced mother who attended AWARE’s dialogue on 17 May, “Single parents need homes, too”. She penned the following blog afterwards, having been through many of the issues and challenges many single parents in the room have, and urging changes to housing rules.

Having just bought my own place after a long wait till my 35th birthday, I was piqued when I received an email from AWARE to attend a dialogue session for single parents who face different struggles in getting housing.  I knew what I went through during the years of renting from the private market, but I was also curious to see what other single parents do through.

The sharing was indeed very illuminating. I never knew there were so many ridiculous laws and rules out there. The irony is, I never knew because I had sole custody of my kids and need not have the nonsensical spousal consent. Nowadays the court does not generally grant sole custody and care & control of children, except maybe in cases where the spouse in incarcerated or has a history of abuse. Essentially, with debarment in cases of split care and control,  is the government saying that a woman needs to be abused/have a drug addict or criminal for a husband in order to be eligible for a flat?Couples who had gone through acrimonious divorces require their ex spouses’ permission to buy another flat? This is totally ridiculous and unacceptable, and needs to be called out for what it is.

The myopic laws we have in place also meant that I also had to endure years of an abusive marriage just because of a ridiculous law barring divorcees or singles under 35 from buying their own place. Without that law in place, I would have had the legal freedom to leave my marriage then and to secure a safe and affordable housing option for myself and my children. After my divorce, I again had to endure paying years of exorbitant rental for renting from the open market, because I do not make the ridiculous income bracket of $1500. That is the most ludicrous: even when I started working 20 years ago with only an O’levels certificate, my starting salary was already $1600! The government prides itself on being a first world nation and Singapore is indeed an affluent society. What is the percentage of our folks earning less than $1,500? Surely this information can be gleaned easily from national studies, and used meaningfully during then process of legislation? I am thankful that I have the financial means and independence to have my own place, but I was really screwed over by the laws for years before things turned around. And having heard from the ground, this is embarrassingly clear that I was not the only one to suffer from such senseless laws in place.

I was glad and heartened to see one of the MPs, Louis Ng, who had made the effort to attend the session and listen to the various concerns. What single parents really want to see is that the relevant agencies come together to address these issues and concerns, and to ensure that the laws do not contradict each other as they do now. They should also organize more deep dive sessions and focus groups with single parents to truly understand the problems and to work effectively on the solutions.

The government’s job is to ensure that each and every citizen has a safe and stable roof over their head, and not to play the unsolicited role of moral watchdog or worse, that of a totalitarian. Marriages are organic and as such, divorces will happen regardless of social engineering. Having such archaic and senseless laws in place will only ensure that both parents and children suffer, and create vicious cycles of unnecessary hardship.

Please support equal access to housing for single parents by signing and sharing the petition urging changes to our restrictive housing rules for single-parent families. 

FREE training on legal adoption of children for unmarried mothers

Date: 27 June 2017 (Tuesday)
Time: 7pm – 8.30pm
Venue: AWARE Centre (5 Dover Crescent #01-22)
Light refreshments will be provided. Childcare can be arranged – please email media@aware.org.sg with number of children and their ages, by 25 June
REGISTER HERE

Are you an unmarried mother exploring the option of legally adopting your child? AWARE is teaming up with Eden Law Corporation to conduct training on the procedures of legally adopting your child, specially for unmarried mothers and those with children born outside of marriage. Learn directly from family lawyer June Lim, who will take you through the adoption process, and discuss the benefits and limitations of adoption. You’ll get a chance to understand the ins and outs of the system, what adoption means for your family, and be better able to mentally prepare for what’s ahead. Two single mothers who have successfully adopted their own children will also be sharing their experiences of the process.

 

About June Lim, Advocate & Solicitor, Singapore:
June is the Managing Director of Eden Law Corporation, a ‘low-bono’ law firm. June firmly believes that doing good and a successful legal practice are not mutually exclusive concepts. Professionally, she has been involved in litigation at all levels of the Singapore Courts, although her principal area of practice is in the area of matrimonial law.

Learn more about AWARE’s work to stand up for single parents here.

Think single-parent families deserve a home as much as any other family? Sign our petition to urge changes to housing rules.
Read the petition in English | Chinese | Malay | Tamil

Single parents need homes, too: Lina’s story

Single parents in Singapore grapple with a myriad of problems and restrictive rules when it comes to meeting a basic need – housing. Think this should change? Sign our petition urging changes to housing rules for single-parent families. Read more about our recommendations for how policies should be more inclusive of single parent families.

Below is Lina’s story on her experiences with HDB when she tried applying for housing.

Lina* is a divorcee with four children, including a daughter who was born out of wedlock. They are currently living in a three-room resale flat. This is Lina’s third home – she used her first-timer privileges on her matrimonial flat, then bought a resale flat after her divorce. This is her second resale flat purchase.

When Lina got divorced, she had no choice but to sell her matrimonial flat as there was a court order to do so. She received $10,000 in sales proceeds but had to spend on rental from the open market before she managed to buy a flat. When Lina was making her first resale flat purchase, she was told that she had to upgrade her 5-room flat to a 5-room Jumbo flat in order to get a HDB loan.

The flat then had to be sold as Lina’s father fell ill and she had to go stay with him. After her father passed away, Lina bought her current three-room flat.

Lina is working part-time in order to manage caregiving and work responsibilities. She is currently working at a hawker stall, earning around $1000 a month, with no CPF contributions. She is having difficulty paying her mortgage loan (more than $500 a month) as her CPF savings is depleting rapidly.

She hopes to sell her current flat and use the proceeds to offset the outstanding charges, and to purchase a 3-room BTO flat. For her last two purchases, Lina did not receive any government subsidies.

After applying for a BTO flat, Lina went to the central office to do her flat selection. It was then when she found out that she had to first pay off her arrears before she could proceed with her selection. However, she had to go to the Branch office in Woodlands to do the payment. So on the same day, Lina went to the Branch office.

There, she encountered a hostile officer who said “you can’t even pay for a few months (referring to her loan payment), how can you pay for the new flat?” Lina found this accusation to be unfair as she had not even begun to explain her situation and she asked the officer how he could be so sure that she could not afford the new flat.

“You have no right to ask about our procedures.” was the reply.

Lina went to HDB another time to ask about her housing options and again, encountered a judgmental and unsympathetic officer. Upon meeting her, he asked “why you never zip up (your top)? Why are you dressed like that?” And after finding out that Lina had a child out of wedlock, he said “next time when you find a guy, find one who can pay.”

Such encounters with front-line officers have left Lina feeling upset and outraged. She hoped to share her story to let other single mothers know that they are not alone.

*Pseudonym