“Are you sure that happened? Why didn’t you fight back? You should have known better.”
One experience of sexual assault is one experience too many. We may not always know the right words to say, but we can all agree that sexual assault should never happen to anyone. One way to show zero tolerance for sexual assault is through our own words and actions.
It is not always easy for survivors to tell someone about what happened. In fact, for some survivors, it can be especially daunting. For vulnerable groups like sex workers, domestic workers and the LGBTQ community, there may be additional barriers to seeking support, as telling someone about their assault could be accompanied by the fear of further persecution and judgment. First response that is sensitive to the survivor’s needs and choices is necessary in preventing re-victimisation.
SACC’s First Responder Training helps familiarise participants with trauma reactions and symptoms to better contribute to a survivor’s well-being. In this workshop, SACC will share more on the following:
1. Definition of sexual assault and harassment
2. Recognising Singapore’s legal framework
3. Understanding consent
4. Understanding the impact of sexual assault and trauma on survivors
5. Role of a first responder
6. Providing support to survivors of sexual assault
7. Resources available for help
8. Key skills such as ensuring safety, active listening and empathy
As part of our Aim for Zero campaign, SACC is offering this workshop at a highly discounted price. Details are as follows:
When: 24 April 2019, 3.30pm – 7.30pm [4 hours] Where: 5 Dover Crescent #01-22 S(130005) For whom: All NGO/VWO staff and volunteers, social sector professionals or students above 16 years old studying a relevant discipline (e.g. psychology, counselling, social work etc.) Cost: $10 (Refreshments will be provided)
Slots for this workshop are limited to the 60 sign-ups only. Persons of all genders and nationalities are more than welcome to attend. Walk-ins are welcome!
We strongly request that all participants commit to the full duration of the 4-hour workshop to ensure that everyone will get the opportunity to engage in interactive discussions and learn useful skills.
Note: For participants who are unable to pay the sign-up fee, please contact Natasha at Natasha@aware.org.sg to request a waiver.
This post was originally published on Constance Singam’s blog on March 18 2019.
There are days I am filled with enthusiasm. But then there are also days when I am beset by existential anxieties and dilemmas. So I braved myself and had this difficult conversation with some friends.
It was not an easy conversation, even when it is with good friends. I had to confess to some angst, some loneliness, some feeling of being lost and a worry about the life ahead of me with nothing much to do. (I understand that there are 1,300 people in Singapore who are more than 100 years of age and that is a real long time to live.) The conversation was not easy. I was admitting to weakness and neediness. I was discontented. The conversation definitely was not easy.
This feeling that I have nothing to do, is new for me, having led an unrelentingly busy life. In that busy life I was surrounded and enriched by other equally busy people and by daily human interaction and connection. But during this diminishment of old age there are things I no longer want to do nor can do. My imagination and my spirit are still open to new experiences but my body is not.
Constance Singam
Could the cause of this sense of unease, this discontent be driven by guilt, ingrained by my Catholic upbringing? You know the thing about an idle mind being the devil’s play ground? The devil is certainly playing havoc with my conscience then.
Is my good life, my leisurely life, my purposeless life the root of my discontent? Margie, you may be right there. Catholicism’s guilt-ridden conscience and capitalism’s unyielding demand on our time and productivity have conspired to make me feel uneasy about my current life style as I slow down and journey into the next phase. Slowing down is the challenge.
The most recurring image of my grandmother was of her sitting still, silently watching us her grandchildren playing in the garden. She didn’t have to cook the family meals; she didn’t have to clean the house, as there were other people to take care of those jobs. Did she ever think then that her life was ‘purposeless’? Did she ever think that she needed to keep herself busy all the time? Did she think that a life of just ‘being’ was not good enough? I shall never know the view from my grandmother’s time. But she, like her generation and culture, knew how to be old. They knew how to slow down. Their young people knew how to be tolerant, to be kind and respectful towards old people. Where I am is a different place, a different time and a different culture.
The narrative we are fed is one of continuing activity, to age successfully (whatever that may mean), to remain healthy, to keep achieving, to keep progressing. I open my FB feed and I am confronted by images of activity, of people having a good time, and of events I would like to attend and would have attended not so long ago.
My generation of the ageing is the pioneers in many ways. Our experience is new. We are a fast growing demography. We will gobble up a lot of state benefits and funds. Medical technology will keep us alive longer. We are not very interesting,
One of the few advantages of age is that I can report on it with some authority. I am sure, my existential dilemma will continue. There will be some good days and some not so good days. There will be some days when I can look forward to something interesting. Penelope Lively, at eighty, observed in her essay on old age that “…none of us escapes the daily challenge of the condition – so often newly surprising. However did I get like this? What happened?”
My friends’ words as they took their leave was “this is life”.
The telephone didn’t ring yesterday. But today is another day.
Constance Singam is a six-time past president of AWARE.
From 28 February to 6 March 2019, a team of interns from AWARE visited Parliament to follow the 2019 Committee of Supply (CoS) debates.
The CoS debates occur after the National Budget is announced. They comprise an examination into each ministry’s plans, during which individual Members of Parliament may request to speak on issues relating to each ministry.
Below, we highlight three areas of interest to AWARE’s work:
Population strategy: supporting families and raising total fertility rate (TFR)
The week kicked off with a discussion about Singapore’s demographic problem, with several Members of Parliament (MP) expressing concerns about the persistently low fertility rates. As AWARE has argued over the years, to address TFR, a gender lens needs to be applied to all areas of policy. Gender equality should be prioritised so that the challenges of fertility and caregiving are not placed primarily on women. To that end, we were glad to hear suggestions from MPs to make workplaces more family-friendly, legislate flexible working arrangements, and extend childcare and parental leave, which would allow workers to better balance work and care. It was disappointing, however, that the ministry’s response had no mention of gender inequality, and displayed no urgency to address it as the driving force of low TFR.
Women, work and care
MPs raised concerns about the ability of self-employed persons, caregivers and homemakers to ensure their own retirement adequacy, as they do not contribute to CPF and would have to rely on private savings for retirement. In particular, NMP Walter Theseira noted how women have no statutory entitlements to retirement assets in divorce or widowhood, and asked how the government could ensure that CPF becomes the basic retirement system for these groups.
MPs also had recommendations on how to better support caregivers to younger children and to older people.
NMP Anthea Ong and MP Louis Ng both called for childcare subsidies to be made more accessible to low-income families—for example, by allowing all parents who earn less than $2,500 or a per capita income of less than $650 to have access to subsidised childcare for free, regardless of the mother’s working status. In our own research, we found that low-income mothers faced multiple hurdles in acquiring documented proof for childcare subsidies—a point raised by NMP Ong in her speech. In response, MSF announced that ECDA would be providing more subsidies to non-working mothers who are looking for work, or who are unable to work because they are caring for a younger child.
During the Ministry of Health’s COS session, MP Tin Pei Ling and MP Charles Chong highlighted the situation of caregivers to older persons. Two points were raised: negotiating flexible working hours to alleviate caregivers’ burdens, and looking after the financial needs of caregivers. MP Tin hoped that the action plan for caregivers could be implemented as soon as possible to alleviate their burdens.
More support for marginalised families: single parents and transnational families
We were encouraged by calls for more equal treatment of families, regardless of nationality and parents’ marital status.
On greater support for single parents, MP Louis Ng requested that rental housing be made available to lower-income, single unwed parents under the age of 35. He described how the case-by-case basis by which these parents are offered housing is bound by strict rules, such as having to earn a median household income of only $600, while the applicant may not be receiving enough family support. This, he argued, causes unnecessary stress.
In response, MND said that applicants have other options if they were earning above the income ceiling, and that taking a case-by-case approach allows the government to holistically assess the applicants’ situations.
MP Ng also repeated his call to waive the mutual consent requirement for divorcees when shared care and control of a child is awarded by the courts, while MP Cheryl Chan asked to enhance social mobility of those living in rental flats wanting to own their own homes—identifying that most of those who lived in rental flats are single mothers and the elderly.
One change we were heartened to see was the announcement that divorcing parties may start applying for a new HDB flat if they have obtained an interim judgment of divorce and settled ancillary matters, instead of having to wait until they obtain the final judgment of divorce. This shortens the time it takes to access a new home.
Other recommendations included calls to extend to single parents the Baby Bonus cash gift and tax reliefs currently available to married parents and mothers.
With a rising number of transnational families, concerns were raised about how those with foreign stepchildren may be disadvantaged. MP Png Eng Huat pointed to the higher school fees and lower subsidies these families receive, compared to those with Singaporean children. On the other hand, MP Lily Neo hoped for greater focus on Singaporean children despite their parents’ nationalities or the structure of their family units.
The report was submitted for a forthcoming review of Singapore’s progress in implementing the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC). CRC, which sets out the civil, political, economic, social, health and cultural rights of children, came into force in 1990. Singapore, a party since 1995, will discuss its progress in recent years with a Committee of Experts in May this year.
In the report, AWARE highlights how economic inequality and discriminatory policies have a negative impact on children’s rights, such as their rights to a decent standard of living, to housing and to live free from discrimination.
“Children’s rights are directly impacted by economic inequality,” said Corinna Lim, Executive Director of AWARE. “Inequality hurts a family’s ability to meet its children’s needs, both now and in the future. As the National Population and Talent Division looks at policies affecting marriage and parenthood, we hope that ensuring fair and equal access for all children will be at the centre of the review.”
The report also highlights the need to provide young people with better access to knowledge and information on sexual health, as well as recommending changes to law and policy to better protect children from gender-based violence.
Key recommendations made in the report include:
Allow all lower-income households (monthly household income under $2,500, or per capita income under $650) to access government-subsidised childcare for free.
Remove legal and policy distinctions between single and unmarried mothers, and between children based on “legitimacy”. Allow an unmarried single mother and her child(ren) to form a “family nucleus” for the purpose of accessing HDB housing.
Allow all parents of citizen children to obtain permanent residence, to prevent the possibility of parent-child separation and reduce barriers to employment, healthcare and housing.
Move away from abstinence-based sexuality education in schools to neutral, informative education including a focus on gender equality and the elimination of gender stereotypes.
Set the minimum age of marriage to 18 for all and end all marriage-based immunity or defences for sexual offences against children.
Improve children’s access to help and services for gender-based violence, such as removing the requirement of a guardian’s signature for rape kits to be performed for under-21s.
This post was originally published as a press release on 20 March 2019.
To reflect a significant increase in demand, AWARE’s popular Women’s Helpline service is expanding its operations starting today, from the previous 3 p.m. – 9.30 p.m. hours to new hours of 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. (Monday to Friday).
AWARE launched Singapore’s first Helpline for women in crisis in 1991. Run by women, for women, the Helpline ensures that thousands are informed, supported and empowered through the provision of emotional support, psychoeducation, referrals for assistance and legal information. Today, the gender-informed, trauma-informed Helpline team consists of more than 70 staff members and trained volunteers with varied backgrounds. In March 2018, AWARE revamped its Women’s Helpline service to provide support to women at no cost in four languages (English, Mandarin, Tamil and Malay).
In 2018, the Women’s Helpline saw a 32% increase in calls, from 3,071 calls in 2017 to 4,062 calls in 2018.
The top presenting issues reported by callers throughout 2018 related to abuse and violence, marital issues and psychological distress. 23% of callers received support for and information about marital issues: divorce, maintenance, separation, etc. The second biggest issue reported by callers was abuse and violence (19% of calls). This included, but was not limited to, physical, verbal, emotional, sexual and financial abuse. Women were also assisted in coping with emotional and psychological distress faced in various settings, such as family, workplace and intimate relationships (17% of calls).
This increase in calls also corresponds with a 48% increase on the previous year in callers seeking counselling for the first time from AWARE’s Women’s Care Centre.
“We’re proud to extend our Women’s Helpline timings this month, following International Women’s Day,” said Anisha Joseph, Head of CARE Services for AWARE. “Women disproportionately face unfair treatment, barriers to opportunities and violence, leaving them disempowered and unsupported. Many women are made to believe that they are alone in these situations, or to be blamed for them–and asking for help can be intimidating. But the increase in calls over the last year shows that more women are feeling safe to do so.”
In line with the review of the Women’s Helpline timings, the Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) Helpline operating hours have also been modified. SACC’s Helpline will now run 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., Monday to Friday. Previously, it ran 10 a.m. – 12 a.m. This new set of hours will reflect more efficient utilisation of the centre’s resources.
We are no longer accepting applicants for this role.
AWARE is looking for an Administrative Assistant for the Secretariat department. This department is the backbone for fundraising, accounts and membership management for AWARE, and plays an important role in supporting the centre’s operations. This position is suitable for a reliable person who loves flexibility and is strong in organisational and administrative work.
Position: Administrative Assistant Commitment: Part time (at least three days a week) or full time, depending on experience. Starting date: No later than the last week of April Last date of application: 5 April 2019
Job Description
Carry out administrative tasks related to accounts and financial management
Assist with HR and Secretariat administration, including assisting with recruitment and administering employment letters and contracts
Assist with managing and ensuring safety and cleanliness of the centre
Liaise with vendors and suppliers
Assist with managing and recording donations, and membership management
Requirements
At least 3 years experience in providing administrative support to back-office functions such as HR, Accounts, IT, donor and member management
Adept at using Excel to do simple computations, experience in government IT systems
Very strong organisational and administrative skills
Good communication and interpersonal skills
Meticulous and pays strong attention to detail
Comfortable using cloud systems to manage records and workflow processes
Good planning and time-management skills
Able to work independently and with initiative
If you have any questions about this position, please email careers@aware.org.sg.
“How do I know if my child is ill? When should my child see a doctor? When should I rush my child to A&E?” If you are a parent or caregiver, you may have asked yourself these questions.
To give you a better foundation to answer these questions, AWARE will be hosting a free talk by paediatric emergency specialist Dr Jade Kua.
Dr Kua will offer some practical advice on how to detect and manage childhood illnesses. As a mother of six, she knows how challenging it can be to balance work and caregiving responsibilities. She has put together some tips for parents and caregivers on how to react to potential paediatric emergencies and how to best exercise caution in day-to-day care of your child.
Refreshments will be served. Attendees will also receive a goodie bag with useful products for parents and children, including eucalyptus oil, wet wipes and creams for rashes (courtesy of Mighty Sprouts Singapore).
About the speaker:
Dr. Kua is a paediatric emergency specialist and past president of the Association of Women Doctors (Singapore).
(L-R) Shailey Hingorani, Robert McPhedran, Siti Noor Mastura and Philip Chua
Written by Alissa Baer, AWARE research consultant
“The #MeToo movement is about having a conversation on core issues, wherever we are. It’s about creating spaces to talk about thorny issues,” said Shailey Hingorani, AWARE’s Head of Research and Advocacy.
She was speaking at “Hashtags, Harassment and Hope: the State of Gender Relations in Singapore”, a presentation and panel discussion on the evening of 13 March at Twitter’s Singapore headquarters.
The week after International Women’s Day, AWARE, market research company Ipsos and self-described “serial social activist” Siti Noor Mastura came together with Twitter for a discussion encompassing the #MeToo movement, harassment in the workplace and at home, and ways for society to move forward. It’s been more than a year since #MeToo took off on social media around the world, enabling survivors of sexual violence to come forward and speak about their experience. The impact of the movement in Singapore, however, might not seem as obvious and visible as the impact in other countries.
Robert McPhedran, Ipsos’s Associate Research Director of Public Affairs, shared the company’s new findings on public attitudes towards gender equality in Singapore, based on a survey of more than 1,000 people. The issues covered in the presentation on Wednesday ran the gamut, from perceptions of the gender pay gap and glass ceiling, to sexual harassment and victim-blaming.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, gender and age often had a stark impact on an individual’s responses to the survey, Rob said. The respondents’ attitudes towards political correctness, for example, differed amongst generations: Almost 40% of respondents agreed with the statement that Singaporean society is too politically correct. Younger respondents (aged 30-49) were more likely to agree with this statement than older respondents, which Rob posited was due to greater social media exposure amongst younger generations.
One hundred and twenty people attended the event, held at Twitter’s Singapore offices
Where the results got more interesting, though, were in responses that didn’t see an expected gender differential. For example, 34% of respondents believe that false accusations of sexual assault are a bigger problem in our society than unreported acts of sexual assault—a statistic that evoked gasps and hisses from the audience. (In reality, most sexual assault survivors—7 in 10—do not file a police report.) For this result, Rob said, there was no significant difference between male and female answers.
At the same time, sexual harassment was selected by respondents as the second most important issue facing women and girls in Singapore today. These apparent contradictions might reflect a larger lack of understanding about harassment in the first place—a lack that, Twitter Public Policy Manager Philip Chua added, is not unique to Singapore. There is overall not enough worldwide information on these topics, he said, and even when some exists, “not enough has been made of it.”
When Noor Siti Mastura (the recently crowned winner of The Straits Times’ Singaporean of the Year 2018, and co-founder of non-profit organisation Interfaith Youth Circle) spoke, she shared her own experience of childhood sexual abuse for the first time in public, leaving the audience in tears.
Noor explained how the #MeToo movement helped her to come forward about her sexual assault (even though she admitted, to laughter, “I don’t have a Twitter account—I’m going to make one later!”). On the one hand, she initially hesitated to share her experience, citing a feeling that her stories “weren’t bad enough” compared to others’; a worry that by speaking up, she would be “just seeking social media attention”. On the other hand, “because of the #MeToo movement, there was a lot of educational information [available] as well… for the first time, I didn’t brush it off. The reality sank in that [sexual assault] happened to me.”
Although her experience of abuse was “so heavy” of a topic to share with “complete strangers”, Noor asked: “How do I expect my community to do this if I don’t?”
Siti Noor Mastura at “Hashtags, Harassment and Hope”, 13 March 2019
She vowed to keep shining a light on abuse within the Indian and Malay communities she works with, emphasising that education from an early age is key. At one point, Noor asked the room for a show of hands: Who had been taught as children about “good and bad touch”? Approximately 20 hands went up in a room of 120. This proved her point: “Most kids, when touched in the wrong places, don’t know what is happening. We don’t speak to our kids enough about this.”
While #MeToo has given survivors a platform, the panellists highlighted that the social movement did not come out of nowhere—the battle for women’s rights has been bitterly fought for centuries. “#MeToo is a cultural moment,” Shailey reminded, “but not a frame in which all women’s rights movements apply.” Also, “#MeToo fundamentally relies on survivors doing all the work… to relive their trauma so they can convince you that sexual harassment is a problem in our society,” she added. It should therefore not be “the be-all and end-all of conversations about gender”.
So—now that we have some data—what can we do? Many in the audience wanted to know.
Shailey spoke about Aim for Zero, AWARE’s ongoing national campaign to end all forms of sexual violence, including child sexual abuse, workplace harassment and sexual assault in public areas. Aim for Zero encompasses sexual assault awareness and sexual assault first responder trainings by AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre, as well as anti-workplace harassment trainings by Catalyse Consulting, and a series of sex education workshops called Birds & Bees.
As members of the public, we can do better to provide support for survivors. As Noor poignantly explained, when sexual violence happens to you, “all you need is someone telling you, ‘I’ll walk you through this.'”
“We have to actively seek out these opportunities,” Shailey concluded, “not be complacent about the knowledge we already have about sexual harassment.”
Our “Your Stories” series are submissions shared with us via email or in one-on-one interviews, for the purposes of our research and campaigns. All names have been changed (unless the use of real names was explicitly permitted by the author), and we have sought permission to publish from the authors/interviewees themselves. The opinions expressed in these posts do not represent those of AWARE.
Being treated as an equal in my family empowers me as an individual and as a woman. I believe it also sets the right tone, and a standard for my young daughter.
I’d like to share an experience that happened more than a year ago, but lingers in my mind. A lady came knocking at our door one day to conduct a survey, gathering research data for our government. I obliged. It was detailed, 20 minutes at least, and finally came down to a few personal questions, including age, occupation, education, household income, etc. Here’s where it got interesting for me (and a bit frustrating for the surveyor):
Surveyor: “Who is the head of your household?”
Me: “No one.”
Her look was priceless. She was quite persistent in getting the answer she felt she needed.
Surveyor: “Oh. Then who is the one earning the income in the family? Your husband, yes?”
Me: “Yes, but that does not make him the head of our household. Everyone has a role in our household, and earning income is his role. We are all equal.”
Suffice to say, she was stunned. She just didn’t know how to react to my response. We left it at that. And off she went.
In hindsight, I could have given in. I could have made it easier for her. But then again, it was a survey conducted by our government, and I know what I believe. (She still gave us our $10 NTUC voucher for answering the survey.)
It didn’t end there, though. Her boss called me the next day to ask about the visit. I provided positive feedback. Then the boss told me that there was a question in the survey left unanswered. I told the boss, it was not unanswered, but the survey did not have an option for my answer. I suggested to the boss that rather than asking me to simply conform, or to change my answer to fit the survey structure, they themselves ought to update their own survey. We bid farewell.
What determines a “head of household”? Is there really such a thing?
My husband and I have a vision for our family. We want to provide the best environment for ourselves and our daughter, while being able to give back to our community. Yes, my husband is currently the income generator in our family. We decided it would be so based on the fact that he earned more than I did, and that we wanted one parent to be with our daughter through her most formative years.
Meanwhile, I manage our finances, run the day to day of our household, parent and manage our daughter, while also finding time for my own volunteerism. But my role that any lesser than my husband’s in our household? We are equal partners. And we are best friends. We share a common goal, supporting one another in an effort to ensure a happy and healthy environment for everyone around us.
I am blessed to have a partner who shares my values. Unfortunately, there are many others who are not recognised and or treated as equal in their own relationships.
We need to change. We can do better. Let’s celebrate International Women’s Day everyday!
