Author: AWARE Media

A Recap: Beyond the Bare Necessities – Gender & Minimum Income Standard in Singapore

by Khaing Su Wai

What is the true cost of a life well lived in Singapore?

More than 90 attendees tuned in on Thursday, 13 January 2022 to find out the answer at an online panel discussion about the recently published Minimum Income Standard (MIS) study and its intersection with gender.

Titled Beyond the Bare Necessities: Gender & Minimum Income Standard in Singapore, the panel featured Teo You Yenn, Associate Professor, Provost’s Chair and Head of Sociology at the Nanyang Technological University; Ng Kok Hoe, Senior Research Fellow and Head of the Case Study Unit at the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy researcher; and AWARE’s Executive Director Corinna Lim. Taking up the role of the moderator was Ng Bee Leng, a long-time social worker.

This event followed the late-2021 release of a study, supported by AWARE and conducted by a team including Kok Hoe and You Yenn, that shed light on the amount needed for a household of parents and children to meet their basic needs in Singapore. The study employed the MIS approach: an internationally recognised research method that has been used in the United Kingdom since 2008. This is the second MIS study in Singapore; the first study in 2019, by the same team, focused on the lived realities of older Singaporeans aged 65 and above.

1. The cost of living well

The MIS team, represented by You Yenn and Kok Hoe, determined that a couple with two children (aged 7-12 and 13-18) needs $6,426 a month, while a single parent with one child (aged 2-6) needs $3,218 a month.

With some eye-opening graphs and tables, Kok Hoe brought the attendees through the process of calculating this: MIS participants were first asked to list the services and items required to live well in Singapore. Experts were consulted for the price range as well. After the prices were tabulated and compiled, participants had to agree to all the items listed before the income range was determined.

From the budget, the components that made up the largest bulk of people’s expenses were food, housing, education and childcare costs. Kok Hoe said that when these income benchmarks were compared with the median average household work income, the MIS team found that 30% of households fell below the median income. Of these households, many might belong to workers in lowest paid occupations or casual employment, and/or those with lower education levels.

How does gender factor into the equation, then?

2. Intersection of gender and income

Kok Hoe emphasised the importance of thinking about gender when studying income, especially in Singapore, where the gender gap has remained consistent at 16% over the past decade. When it comes to both labour force participation rate (LFPR) and income, women receive the shorter end of the stick: Kok Hoe shared a graph showing the sharp drop in women’s LFPR in age cohorts from mid-20s onwards, while men only noticeably started leaving the workforce in their 50s. Married women in particular had much lower participation rates when compared to single women, which visibly affected their income levels.

Source: https://stats.mom.gov.sg/Pages/Labour-Force-in-Singapore-2020-Labour-Force.aspx

You Yenn went on to explain that the discrepancies we see in the data aggregated by gender and marital status boils down to distribution of household roles. Research participants “tend to assume that the male partner is the one who is working while the female partner is tending the household”. The research team observed that these gendered assumptions about employment crossed over into other aspects of life, such as household management and eating patterns — e.g. participants presumed that a wife understood the needs of a household better than a husband. When it came down to education, both sets of parents were able to eloquently articulate concerns about their children, but there was a strong indication that mothers were the ones who primarily supervised children’s progress.

Panellists explained at length why children’s education needs in particular affected women more than men. Mothers were more likely to take time off their leisure hours to care for children, whether it be for homework supervision, commuting or school meetings. You Yenn spoke of the social expectation that mothers should be the ones to cut back on hours or opt for job flexibility for children’s needs, and, conversely, the social stigma that men faced when they took up the role of the primary caregiver.

“It’s important to recognise that what appear to be personal choices are social phenomena,” You Yenn emphasised, stating that individual decisions are not made in a social vacuum. This was a pattern observed by the researchers over and over during the MIS research process: For example, fathers were more likely to consider tuition an unnecessary expense, which often left mothers to pay for tuition on their own as a last resort.

This inequality is amplified for single parents, who tend to be women. You Yenn relayed anecdotes from her research experience that indicated single mothers’ tendency to regard childcare as a precondition to participate in social activities. They were also often managing to live with less than they needed.

She concluded that what people spent on is not not always reflective of what they need — in fact, it could mean they are forgoing certain needs.

3. The road ahead

The panel agreed that gender inequality today could be alleviated by ensuring fairer allocation of government resources. On the topic of future policies, You Yenn hoped to see more attention directed to bettering care infrastructure and education.

Corinna was in tandem with You Yenn, agreeing that the amount of private investment that parents currently channelled into education was not sustainable. She referred to the shortcomings in the education infrastructure as a warning sign. She also highlighted eldercare infrastructure as another area of immediate concern — one that could head down the same path as our education system, with its demands for private resources and individual effort.

For Kok Hoe, universal wage topped his policy wish list: “Universal wages would help not just women but all workers. There is a mental block against talking about minimum wage, but as long as we have wage standards, it’s a good ladder.” He spoke of his dream to see all discriminatory policies eradicated, and suggested implementing a litmus test, whereby policymakers carefully consider whether a new policy would discriminate against any vulnerable groups before implementing it.

“Gender equality is a deep structural problem.” said Corinna, “Part of the solution is awareness — sharing the issue with others and coming together with people to understand it.”

Panellists expressed their delight in the event’s high attendance and engaged audience, who actively posed queries throughout the panel. Bee Leng wrapped up the robust session by encouraging attendees to examine gender inequality in their own spheres, and to support organisations who are actively working towards evening the odds for marginalised communities.

“The speakers were brilliant at explaining their findings and [keeping] the audience engaged,” noted one attendee in the feedback form. Others also said that “the detailed perspective on the subject matter was enlightening” and they appreciated the “macro perspective bringing in international insights and tying it to the local context”.

Closure of CARE and WHDA services: Chinese New Year (1-2 February) 2022

Please note that AWARE’s Women’s Helpline (including call-back and online chat services), Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) and Workplace Harassment and Discrimination Advisory (WHDA) will be operating with limited resources over the Chinese New Year 2022 holiday.

  • On the eve of Chinese New Year (31 January 2022), the Women’s Helpline will only operate from 10 a.m. – 3 p.m. The SACC Helpline and chat/WhatsApp services will operate from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m.
  • On Tuesday and Wednesday, 1 – 2 February 2022, all our services will be fully closed.
  • Operations will resume on Thursday, 3 February 2022. We will be able to respond to all messages from that day onwards.

You may contact the National Anti-Violence Helpline at 1800 777 0000 for support. They operate 24/7 and will be able to provide support for any violence you are facing. For emergencies, please call 999 for the police. You can also call 1767 for the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) if you have thoughts of hurting yourself, including thoughts of suicide.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused, and seek your kind understanding and patience during this period.

AWARE’s groundbreaking podcast Saga named finalist in inaugural Anthem Awards, the social impact branch of prestigious Webby Awards

This post was originally published as a press release on 26 January 2022.

AWARE’s limited-series podcast, Saga, has been named a finalist in the Human & Civil Rights (Awareness – Not for Profit) category at the inaugural Anthem Awards.

Saga, which earned a large following and widespread acclaim in 2021 following its release, is one of 40 finalists in that category, including such industry leaders as World Vision International, UN Foundation, the It Gets Better Project and NAACP. Finalists in other categories of the Anthem Awards include The Daily Show With Trevor Noah, The New York Times1619 Project, the National Football League’s “Lift Every Voice & Sing” with Alicia Keys and Anthony Mackie, an art installation inspired by U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris and work from PBS, CNN, Google, PayPal, AirBnB, NASA, Jessica Alba’s The Honest Company, the Lady Gaga-founded Born This Way Foundation and others.

The Anthem Awards are presented by the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences, which launched The Webby Awards in 1996 to honour excellence on the internet. The Anthems shine a spotlight on social good and philanthropic endeavours, online and offline, by people, companies and organisations across the globe. The inaugural competition received nearly 2,500 entries from 36 countries worldwide.

Anthem finalists were selected via 10,000 votes from Academy members, including actor-producer Daniel Dae Kim, actor-activist Ashley Judd, Mozilla CEO and Chairwoman Mitchell Baker, Ad Council President and CEO Lisa Sherman, GLAAD President and CEO Sarah Kate Ellis, The Oprah Winfrey Charitable Foundation Director of Philanthropy Shayla Tait, XQ Institute CEO and Co-Founder Russlynn Ali and New Ventures CEO and Chair Alexis M. Herman, a former U.S. secretary of labour.

“We are over the moon to receive the news about Saga being named an Anthem finalist,” said Ms Margaret Thomas, President of AWARE. “It is absolutely extraordinary to think that a low-budget, completely independent podcast from Singapore has been placed in the company of these international giants of social impact.”

Saga, Singapore’s first-ever longform narrative podcast, told the story of the 2009 takeover of gender-equality organisation AWARE, known as the “AWARE Saga”. Saga was hosted by journalist Bharati Jagdish and written and produced by Jasmine Ng and Kelly Leow, with an original score by Singapore band .gif. In 2021, Saga held a top-20 position on the Spotify Singapore Podcast chart, and ranked within the top 5 podcasts of its category (Society & Culture) across all platforms. As of January 2022, the podcast has racked up close to 100,000 plays across platforms.

The AWARE Saga remains a major landmark in Singapore civil society history. At an Annual General Meeting on 28 March 2009, an unexpected influx of newly registered members turned up to elect other new members onto the executive committee of AWARE, effectively taking control of the organisation. Despite initial denials that they were acquainted with each other or had an agenda, most of the new committee were members of the same church and had planned the takeover largely due to their objections to AWARE’s sexuality education programme. On 2 May 2009, around 3,000 women and men attended an Extraordinary General Meeting, during which the new exco lost a vote of no confidence and stepped down, returning AWARE to the leadership of long-time members.

Called “one of the stories of the year” (Kah Gay, Ethos Books), “masterfully told” (Kenneth Paul Tan) and “a necessary educational resource” (Loo Zihan), Saga was praised for its treatment of themes such as inclusion, solidarity and civic engagement. It was produced over the course of two years in 2019 and 2020. Around 50 individuals were interviewed for the podcast: including former AWARE presidents Constance Singam, Kanwaljit Soin and Dana Lam, and notable names Pam Oei, Irene Ang, Tommy Koh, Teo You Yenn, Gillian Koh, Imran Taib and Siew Kum Hong.

Winners for the inaugural Anthem Awards will be announced on Tuesday, 15 February, 2022 and celebrated at the first annual Anthem Voices virtual conference as well as at a star-studded virtual Awards Show on Monday, 28 February, 2022.

“We are so proud of what we are building at The Anthem Awards and are humbled by the positive response and extraordinary support from global brands and national organizations to artists, creators and local individuals making an impact in their community,” said Jessica Lauretti, Managing Director, The Anthem Awards.

 

Listen to Saga on: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Official website

 

About The Anthem Awards

The Anthem Awards, the Webby Awards’ newest initiative, was developed to recognize the breadth of social good work (online and offline) around the globe by honoring the organizations, brands, and people creating long-lasting impact; including, Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion; Education, Art, & Culture; Health; Human & Civil Rights; Humanitarian Action & Services; Responsible Technology; and Sustainability, Environment, & Climate. By amplifying the voices that spark global change, the Anthem Awards are defining a new benchmark for impactful work that inspires others to take action in their communities. Founded in partnership with the Ad Council, Born This Way Foundation, Feeding America, Glaad, Mozilla, NAACP, NRDC, WWF and XQ. anthemawards.com

20 January 2022: Get to Know AWARE Night

Join us at our popular Get to Know AWARE Night this January to kick off your 2022.

Explore the HERstory of AWARE and learn what we do to support women and improve women’s rights in Singapore.

Come and meet other AWARE members and supporters of gender equality, participate in discussions with us and experience the spirit that has kept AWARE’s flame burning strong for the last 36 years.

Date: Thursday, 20 January 2022

Time: 7 – 9.30pm

Venue: Zoom

Register here!


Programme overview

7pm: A presentation by members of AWARE’s Board and AWARE’s Volunteer Manager about AWARE’s HERstory, the issues we champion and how every individual can support gender equality

8.30pm: Break-out sessions amongst participants, followed by group sharing in the main room. We would love to hear your ideas about AWARE’s work!

13 January 2022: Beyond the Bare Necessities—Gender & Minimum Income Standard in Singapore

What does it truly cost to live well in Singapore?

According to a recent Minimum Income Standard study by the National University of Singapore Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy (LKYSPP) and Nanyang Technological University (NTU), the monthly figure is $3,200 for single parents, and up to $6,400 for partnered households.

For the Singaporeans who took part in the study, a “basic” standard of living is not just about housing, food and clothing—a sense of belonging, respect, security and independence are also essential. By this measure, living well includes being able to participate in social activities, engage in cultural and religious practices and, of course, provide children with the tools to succeed.

Yet how achievable is that dream? For some groups—such as women, older workers, people in low-wage occupations and casual workers—not being able to afford the essentials is an everyday risk. With Singapore’s unadjusted gender wage gap standing around 16%, for instance, women across different backgrounds face challenges in securing a good life for themselves and their families.

As the cost of living continues its upward trajectory, what does it mean for these groups at the margins? Are our current policies adequate in helping them meet their needs? And if not, how can we narrow this gap?

Join researchers Ng Kok Hoe and Teo Yeo Yenn, and AWARE’s Executive Director Corinna Lim, on Thursday, 13 January 2022, for a panel discussion on Minimum Income Standard and how it intersects with gender. The discussion will look at how gender shapes people’s ideas of needs and necessities—especially for mothers (both single and partnered), as well as working women.

This event is pay-what-you-can. Suggested donation of $5 per head.

 

Date: Thursday, 13 January 2022

Time: 7.30 – 9pm

Venue: Zoom

Register here!


Our panellists

Ng Bee Leng (moderator)

Ng Bee Leng is a social worker who cares deeply about poverty and social inequality. She is an official ABCD Guide, accredited by Nurture Development and ABCD Institute in Europe. She hopes to see Singapore as a society where communities are like homes, where helping a neighbour or stranger is as natural as helping a family member—a home where ground-up solutions are co-created with and by, rather than for, the community, and a home where we live out our pledge of justice and equality.

Ng Kok Hoe

Ng Kok Hoe is Senior Research Fellow and Head of the Case Study Unit at the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy, where he also leads the Social Inclusion Project, a research programme dedicated to analysing how public policies shape opportunities for participation. His research is concerned with income security, minimum income standards, housing policy and homelessness. He led the first nationwide street count of homelessness in Singapore in 2019 and is co-editor of the book They Told Us to Move: Dakota—Cassia (Ethos Books, 2019).

Teo You Yenn

Teo You Yenn is Associate Professor, Provost’s Chair and Head of Sociology at the Nanyang Technological University. Her research focuses on poverty and inequality, governance and state-society dynamics, gender, and class. She is the author of Neoliberal Morality in Singapore: How family policies make state and society (Routledge, 2011) and This is What Inequality Looks Like (Ethos Books, 2018).

Corinna Lim

Corinna Lim is the Executive Director of AWARE, Singapore’s leading gender equality group. A respected leader in Singapore’s non-profit world, Corinna led the transformation of AWARE from a volunteer-led organisation to a professionally staffed organisation that substantially increased in size and impact. For over three decades, Corinna’s commitment to issues such as gender-equal workplaces, tackling workplace harassment and tackling domestic violence has been unwavering. Corinna draws from her entrepreneurial, management and leadership experience, and her expertise in law, gender equality and diversity/inclusion, to provide training and consultancy in workplace harassment, developing high-performing teams and more.

Let’s protect the best interests of divorced transnational couples’ children

The Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE) is heartened to see shared care and control being granted in more divorce cases last year (‘More divorced couples share care and control of their kids’). This reflects the courts’ prioritisation of children’s well-being, since both parents are able to make decisions about children’s daily needs while children can live with each parent.

The same principle should be extended to joint custody arrangements — enabling parents to make major decisions for their children in areas like education — especially for transnational couples.

Joint custody is less commonly granted to transnational couples, comprising a Singaporean citizen and non-resident: A local study on divorce cases filed to the Family Justice Courts from 2011 to 2015 found that while 76% of divorced Singaporean couples were awarded joint custody, it dropped to 50% for transnational couples.

The court’s decision to award joint custody in most cases between Singaporeans illustrates its belief that this arrangement is in the children’s best interest. This would also be in accordance with the Convention on the Rights of the Child, which Singapore acceded to.

Why then are children of transnational marriages often denied this option?

Certain immigration policies contribute to this gap. Though the Immigration Checkpoint Authority (ICA) clarified that the Long-Term Visit Passes (LTVP) of divorced migrant spouses will “generally” be renewed if they have custody of Singaporean children, those without custody face greater uncertainty since they require LTVP sponsorship from a citizen or Permanent Resident. Many ex-citizen spouses are unwilling to do so, putting their children at risk of separation from their non-resident parents.

This disparity in custody order outcomes also begs the question: Why do the assessments made about children’s best interest appear to be different when one parent is a non-resident?

Some may argue that citizen parents should be granted sole custody, since raising a child in Singapore is thought to be preferable for them. However, the child should have access to their non-resident parent’s care for their well-being through a joint custody arrangement.

If we truly wish to protect children’s best interests, transnational couples should be given equal treatment in court and granted joint decision-making powers in important aspects of their children’s lives, except in certain scenarios, such as when a parent is abusive.

To enable this, migrant spouses should automatically be granted an LTVP when their citizen child is born, to allow them to maintain a stable role in their children’s upbringing without having to fear separation.

Kimberly Wong
Research Executive, AWARE

Job loss, low productivity, time out of work and loss of income await women who experience workplace sexual harassment in Singapore: AWARE study

This post was originally published as a press release on 8 December 2021.

8 December 2021 – Many women who experience workplace sexual harassment in Singapore end up quitting their jobs, spending months or years out of work, going through extended periods of low productivity and facing other career disruptions. They also experience dips in incomes due to being unemployed or taking lower-paying jobs after harassment.

Those are some of the findings of a first-of-its-kind study by gender-equality organisation AWARE, titled “‘I Quit’: Career and Financial Effects of Workplace Sexual Harassment on Women in Singapore”. The qualitative report builds upon AWARE’s earlier quantitative research into the issue, including a survey that the organisation co-released with Ipsos in January 2021.

“I Quit” draws its findings from interviews conducted between 2019 and 2020 with 39 working women who experienced harassment across various industries in Singapore in the previous five years. Harassment ranged from verbal (most common) to physical and technology-facilitated, and took place at the office, outside the office (e.g. on business trips or at work drinks) and online. The majority of perpetrators were either respondents’ bosses or senior staff members in their organisations; others were colleagues or peers, clients, subordinates, strangers or students. Seven in ten respondents had been employed for less than one year at their companies when the harassment took place.

“While the psychological and emotional impacts of workplace sexual harassment are fairly well-known, its career and financial impacts have not previously been illuminated in Singapore,” said Ms Shailey Hingorani, head of AWARE’s Workplace Harassment and Discrimination Advisory. “This research adds dimension to the troubling picture of workplace harassment, so we can better understand the full extent of its damage—what it really does to a person’s life.”

Beyond the long-term impacts mentioned above, the study found that the short-term career-related impacts of workplace sexual harassment were decreased work productivity (for 2.8 months on average), lower job satisfaction, negatively impacted collegial relationships, hostile work environments and reputational damage. Short-term financial impacts came in the form of increased expenditure (e.g. on healthcare or self-care) and lower income.

In accordance with previous data about under-reporting, more than half (22) of respondents did not file official reports about their harassment. Of the 17 respondents who did file official complaints, five experienced retaliation from their organisations and/or perpetrators, in the form of negative performance reviews, denial of bonuses and even termination of employment.

“Survivors of workplace sexual harassment leave their jobs to put a stop to the harassment itself, or because of subsequent mental health impacts, negative reporting experiences or retaliatory behaviours,” explained Ms Hingorani. “On the other hand, if they receive supportive first responses from colleagues, assistance from HR trained in sensitive grievance handling, and protective measures against retaliation, they may not need to resort to such a drastic step.”

Researchers identified organisational characteristics that facilitate repeated incidents of workplace sexual harassment, such as: male-dominated management and/or organisations; poor organisational climate; the absence of an HR department or policies targeted at harassment, and dependency on sexualised customer interactions. They also noted that the compounded effects of workplace sexual harassment include occupational segregation: As women leave behind hostile, harassment-heavy industries, those industries become increasingly male-dominated, fuelling a vicious cycle where harassment continues to flourish unchecked. Such segregation is known to worsen the gender pay gap.

To better combat workplace sexual harassment in Singapore, AWARE recommends that the government develop a national legislation to deal with workplace sexual harassment, and mandate that employers both create well-defined sexual harassment policies and implement gender-sensitive training in the workplace. The report also suggests measures to increase the procedural satisfaction of victim-survivors, and provide protection to both survivors and witnesses to reduce the possibility of retaliation.

“Our findings tell a startling and aggravating story of injustice,” said Ms Hingorani. “Victim-survivors of workplace sexual harassment are simply looking to earn a living and pursue their professional goals. Instead, through no fault of their own, and on top of emotional trauma, they are beset with a wide range of harms—some of which have repercussions for the rest of their lives. If that unfairness is not compelling enough, we hope that the economic costs associated with workplace harassment, such as turnover and reduced productivity, can encourage Singapore’s businesses and government to take greater action.”

Read the full “I Quit” report here.

ANNEX: Select respondent profiles

Melissa* was a new senior manager at an MNC when she was harassed by the CEO of the company. At the start, the perpetrator texted her on a daily basis, although she did not report directly to him, and made inappropriate comments to her about other female staff. Over time, this escalated to him physically harassing her at her work cubicle. Shortly after declining his advances again, Melissa was informed that she would be let go, although the reason for this was not made clear to her. While job-seeking, she found it difficult to explain her short stint at that organisation to potential employers.

Rita* worked for a few months as a part-time waitress at a restaurant where chefs made inappropriate comments about her. She did not report the incidents to anybody as the perpetrators were well-liked at the workplace and she did not think she would be believed. The harassment made her self-conscious, which caused her to be distracted and less personable both with colleagues and customers. Rita also took on fewer shifts to minimise interactions with the perpetrators. To end the harassment, she eventually left the job for a different part-time role.

Carrie* was an executive at an SME. Her boss would send her overly personal text messages and touch her inappropriately at work. After she rejected his advances, he retaliated against Carrie by unfairly criticising her work. The harassment persisted for nine months before she left her job and changed industries completely, despite wishing to remain in that job and industry.

*Name changed to protect their identities

Position Filled: Case Manager, Sexual Assault Care Centre

We are no longer accepting applicants for this role.

AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) is looking for a Case Manager to support survivors of sexual assault along their journeys of recovery and help SACC in its day-to-day operations as well as programme development. The role also requires supporting the SACC team in advocacy and project-based work.

If you are passionate about helping survivors reclaim control of their lives after experiencing trauma, join AWARE in its fight against sexual violence. You’ll play an essential, hands-on role at SACC—the only centre of its kind in Singapore. Read more about it here.

Position: Case Manager
Department: CARE – SACC
Commitment: Full-time, Monday-Friday, 40 hours a week (Permanent position)
Salary range: $3400 – $3600
Starting date: Immediate

Job Description:

  • Ensuring high quality and timely response to individuals seeking support from SACC through calls, WhatsApp, emails, walk-ins, referrals and other platforms
  • Conducting intake interviews, client support and management of SACC cases (case work), including providing and arranging for SACC services, as well as timely casework documentation
  • Liaising with authorities, including the police, hospitals and lawyers, to facilitate the above
  • Supporting and/or providing cover for other case managers during assigned legal clinic hours as needed
  • Maintaining up-to-date data management and filing for reporting and analysis, including creating and improving standard operating procedures for SACC
  • Supporting the development of SACC’s case management service through coordination of processes and ensuring knowledge consistency
  • Committing to supervision, case sharing and any training related to improvement in quality of service

Preferred Candidate Profile:

  • Singapore Citizen/Permanent Resident with minimum two (2) years of related experience working in support of individuals needing help (e.g. community work, social work, helpline staffing, counselling, befriending), preferably in the Singapore context
  • Educational qualifications in social work, counselling, psychology or related fields preferred, with trauma management credentials a bonus (training will be provided as needed)
  • Excellent interpersonal, empathy and communication skills in English (verbal and written)
  • Good analytical skills and commitment to confidentiality
  • Superb time-management skills and ability to meet deadlines
  • Strong project planning: highly creative, adaptable and a self-starter
  • Ability to work independently to manage projects
  • Ability to use initiative and judgment to solve problems independently
  • Experience or interest in supporting or empowering individuals
  • Strong belief in gender equality and the values of AWARE
  • Proficient with computers, Google Drive apps and MS Office, especially Excel and Word

You must read and acknowledge our Privacy Statement here.

Please note that due to the large number of applications, only shortlisted applicants will be contacted for an interview. If you have any questions about this position, please email careers@aware.org.sg.

Nelle’s* story: One more gateway to healing

by Nelle Lim*

Our “Your Stories” series are submissions shared with us via email or in one-on-one interviews, for the purposes of our research and campaigns. All names have been changed (unless the use of real names was explicitly permitted by the author), and we have sought permission to publish from the authors/interviewees themselves. The opinions expressed in these posts do not represent those of AWARE.

“I don’t even know how to tell you this,” I said to my friend, whilst we sat on the pavement of a side street in Tiong Bahru after supper.

He waited.

“So… my mentor… sort of made me touch… and I touched… and it’s not the first time. And I don’t know why I keep letting—why I don’t just say no. But it’s not that I want it. It makes me feel so gross. And I keep wanting to believe… each time will be the last time. Everyone makes mistakes, right? I mean… it’s my mentor. I owe so much to—but every time I feel… hands on my body like that… I just—”

This was poor storytelling. But, I thought, if I didn’t say the keywords, maybe it would be like none of it really happened. And the sick feeling in my gut would stay there, and not land all over our shoes.

I remember my friend’s struggle to make sense of what I was saying. But he was patient and didn’t jump to conclusions. He didn’t know what to do, but reassured me that nothing I’d said changed what he thought of me. I could tell he truly cared. And for that night, that was enough.

It was only four years later that I was given another set of keywords, ones that would begin to unlock some much-needed clarity. Another friend, another lifesaver.

“This is sexual assault.”

“What? No, it’s not… I mean, I didn’t exactly put up a fight.”

“But did you want to do it?”

“Of course not. But then… why did I? If I didn’t want to but did it anyway, isn’t that just me being weak?”

“Maybe you felt that you couldn’t say ‘no’. That’s not the same as saying ‘yes’…”

“What do you mean…?”

Sexual Assault and Abuse of Power

Say “sexual assault” and the first image that pops into people’s heads is a stranger pinning someone down in a dark alley. But the reality is that an estimated 8 in 10 victims are sexually assaulted by someone we know and trust.

There are additional complexities when perpetrators have a position of power and authority in their victims’ lives. Especially when they are people to whom victims feel they owe a great deal—whether in their personal or professional lives.

It usually starts with a blurring of boundaries—perhaps the sharing of too much personal information. The initial rush of feeling trusted by someone we admire can be heady. We want to live up to the privilege of being chosen to keep their secrets.

They then cross the lines, subtly at first. A hug that goes on for too long. Seemingly offhand and “objective” remarks about how attractive we look. Little things that we would feel ridiculous voicing discomfort over. When we’re so much younger, how do we confront an adult, and one who is highly esteemed? It’s easier to convince ourselves that we’re reading too much into things.

Then they cross an obvious line. And they express remorse. They hate that they’ve hurt us. Can we forgive them for their lapse of judgement (they love us so much; they couldn’t help it)? Can we promise not to tell anyone? Everyone will misunderstand their love for us. We feel sorry for them. They promise that it would never happen again.

But it does. Even though things look up for a while. The woeful routine works a few more times. But when we get frustrated with them, they change tactics: They gaslight. Sneering that we’re making a big deal about something so insignificant: “Huh, like that also cannot ah?” Mocking our attempts to set up boundaries: “So you’ll set a timer for how long I can hug you?” Being impatient that we need time to regulate after each assault: “Don’t tell me you’re not going to speak to me for three days again…” The twisted mind games—claims that we actually wanted their advances. And, when they feel we really might leave them, the threats of suicide…

It was my first time encountering someone like this. With no prior framework to name or explain what was happening, I had no defences for this older person’s manipulative arsenal. All I did was second-guess whether my own boundaries were reasonable, and feel guilt and fear for asserting myself.

After many cycles, it became easier to just… go with it. Putting up a fight was emotionally exhausting and futile. The assaults got more frequent and invasive over the next two years. I bought into the perpetrator’s lies that it was my fault for being a temptation. I felt I only had myself to blame for being “too weak to resist”.

Life seasons change, and I ended up not seeing this former mentor as often. Eventually I gathered the courage to cut off contact completely. But the misplaced guilt and deep shame stayed with me for years after.

The Gift of a Good First Responder

I can now explain these dynamics and see that the manipulation was intended to deflect the real wrong at hand: that the perpetrator was sexually violating me against my consent. But this has only been possible after nearly a decade of research, therapy and those initial supportive first responses from friends.

Given how much I’d misunderstood my situation, and how incoherently I was telling my story, things could have gone so badly. My friends could have easily concluded that I’d been “asking for it”, or assumed that the perpetrator couldn’t have meant to do this.

But they listened. They put their discomfort of talking about “sex stuff” aside and focused on being there for me. As a result, they could hear the story behind my stuttering words and realised that I’d been badly hurt. They then tried to figure out how best to give me the help I needed to heal.

Having friends who didn’t judge meant that I didn’t have to deal with the anguish of being dismissed by loved ones I’d trusted. Instead, their support was an anchor, tethering me to a reality deeper than my trauma: No matter what I’d become associated with, I was loved. I was believed. 

It meant that I had the courage to make a report and then go through the organisation’s internal inquiry process. It meant that the victim-blaming questions I subsequently received didn’t destroy me by forcing me to assume responsibility for someone else’s immorality. It meant that I had the strength to work through my PTSD in therapy. It meant that the truth that the assault was not my fault could eventually settle in my head and heart, and I had a chance to heal.

AWARE’s Sexual Assault First Responder Training 

Nearly a decade after our conversation in Tiong Bahru, my friend and I attended AWARE’s Sexual Assault First Responder Training (SAFRT). We learned why it’s difficult for victims to speak about assault, how to identify sexual assault nonetheless, and the steps to take after someone has confided in us.

I was relieved by how many things my friends had got right all those years ago, even without training. But after the session, my friend told me quietly that he regretted not having all the skills to immediately recognise what I had been trying to tell him. He could have known how to get me the right help sooner.

While I didn’t blame him at all, I could see his point. Education does make a difference in being able to deliver intentional help. Every person trained is one fewer person likely to wound an already ravaged victim. One more gateway to a road of healing.

Whether by chance or providence, I’ve been fortunate to have good first responders who could figure things out with me along the way. But there are many more victims shattered by ignorant or victim-blaming responses. What AWARE’s SAFRT is creating is a world where a good first response won’t be an anomaly or a miracle. It would be a given.

Support Sexual Assault First Responder Training and AWARE’s other initiatives against sexual violence by donating to the Hope in the Dark fundraising campaign on Giving.sg. To attend SAFRT, check for upcoming dates on AWARE’s Eventbrite page